I am seeing entirely too many Hummers on the road!

The BBQ Pit
61

Fuck Hummers. The big one (the Humvee, I guess, made DOT-legal) and the little one (the H2). I hate those things. I think of them as grenade targets.

Here in New York City, every asshole Wall Street dipshit with a needle dick buys one of those things, and then drives them around town from nightclub to nightclub. They’re so fucking wide that they clog up the streets. When they’re parked, they stick out so far into the street that if a truck comes along, a real traffic jam can result.

It’s not like these morons need them. The closest they ever come to offroading is going from the Upper West Side to the Hamptons in the summer.

Jerks. Sorry, but if you own one of these things, you’re a jerk. That’s all there is to it.

62

Iiii dunno. To a certain perspective, the real Hummer is the perfect vehicle for Manhattan traffic. It might even be able to intimidate a bike messenger.

Maybe.

Parking’ll be kinda neat as a spectator sport, though.

63

I was watching a program on Roger Clemens the other day during yet another rain delay. (I’m a big Yankee fan, but I dislike Clemens.) Naturally, ol’ Rog keeps a Hummer H2 as his car to use when he’s in NYC. He was saying that “when I drive this down Fifth Avenue, everyone has to get out of my way!”

That’s so pathetic in so many ways, I just don’t know what to say.

Hate to be cliched, but this made me literally spit the cherry I was eating all over the monitor, desk, and keyboard. The pit made a rather impressive thonk as it hit the screen, though.

64

*Originally posted by MGibson *

Marc, I don’t think this is it at all. People’s ridicule of the Hummer is not based on jealousy. Instead, it’s that a commuter would buy a vehicle that handles poorly, is too large to fit into the average parking space, gets horrendous gas mileage, will absolutely destroy any other vehicle it comes into contact with, is likely to rarely be subject to the extreme conditions it was designed for and that said commuter paid an exhorbatant price for all these negatives.

I don’t begrudge them on the battlefield but I sure as hell do on the West Loop.

65

I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment expressed in this thread. One of my in laws’s neighbours just bought thier boy an H2 for his sixteenth birthday. A bad move on so many levels.
I was behind one in traffic the other day and the license plate read “give me a” - says it all about the intellect of the driver I guess.

Oh and the Fiat Multipla may be bog ugly, but it’s not all that small. It seats six. More than an H2.

66

Actually, Brutus, the thing with the Hummer is that in proportion to overall vehicle size there are SUVs out there that have much better interior space/carrying capacity.

As pointed out elsewhere, H2’s are really nothing but fancily tricked-out GMCs that simulate the image of the real-deal HMMV . If we’re fortunate they’ll be victims of their own success and become known as the ultimate “bling bling” car.

If I ever want to look like I’m the neighborhood’s Mr. Rugged, I’ll get a Land Rover (a REAL Land Rover, with the spare tyre on top of the engine bonnet and jerry cans for gas in the back) Or an old pre-1980s Toyota Land Cruiser

67

While I do agree with the others in here about the size problems (thankfully, we have yet to be near one on the road), I have a question for Bad News Baboon.

You drive a new Cooper Mini? My wife was wondering if you are scared of getting hit from behind as there doesn’t seem to be any space between the back of the car and the driver’s seat.

Anyway, these big trucks on the road are making driving bloody hazerdous.

68

There’s plenty of space back there. It’s not as if the front seat is adjacent to the hatchback. I would say it is comparable to a VW GTI in that regard.

The Mini is small, but it’s really not as small as people make it out to be.
I almost always hear from strangers that it is not as small as they envisioned. Has she actually seen one or is she judging by pictures?

Of course, I am biased, but I really prefer the drive of a small car. It has plenty of power to move. My friend has an Excursion and I hate driving with her. It takes forever to accelerate. It is not quick handling at all. It seems (to me) that any quick turn will topple it.

69

We see them on the road all the time. Just wondering.

70

Gotta agree with Bad News Baboon. They are significantly larger inside than they appear from the ousde. I wouldn’ fear getting hit in one. Two complaints, though. I’m reasonably tall, and the roof cuts off my sightline enough so it’s difficult to see trafic lights at some times. And they are a serious bitch to ork on. If I never have to repair another Mini Cooper S in my life, it’ll be too soon.

71

Become? It already is; GM declared so themselves in the new ad campaign.

72

Hey, you don’t need any help.
You’re doing just fine.

73

*Originally posted by Necros *

Yeah, ask any cow.

74

Eh! Stick your head out of the sunroof then!
Problem solved!

:wink:

75

I once saw (I shit you not) sixteeen Cooper Minis driving down the road, one right after another, all in a row. I sat and counted.

Hummers…Ehh. The country-girl truck-drivin’ soul in me says “Cooool,” but that’s just because they look big and menacing. They remind me of my old Bronco 2, a car I dearly wish I still had. It was huge and rattly and ancient and it once fit fifteen people. Not comfortably, mind, and there were two people in the front passenger seat, but they fit. Had a better turning radius than my friend’s sedan, too (Christ, that thing steers like a cow).

After the brief awe at seeing the two we had in town (one yellow, one camouflage) and then another…and another…and another…and I HAVE seen the stretch Hummer, it’s ridiculous…

They remind me of my constant gripe about Land Rovers – upwards of $30k for a really high-end SUV that they won’t take any further than the grocery store and would get really, really gripey if it got so much as a tiny scratch or paint-ding. In the rich part of town, you can see the pattern – SUV, SUV, SUV, Jaguar, Mercedes, BMW, Ford Mustang (a Saleen, for the kids), SUV, Minivan (wow, someone’s in the wrong part of town!), Volvo…

I want a Ford so I can fix it myself (can’t even change the godforsaken oil filter on a Mitsubishi), ora Volvo so I’ll feel safe for the rest of my life, or one of the little hybrid cars. One of those, I’m not picky. :slight_smile:

But I feel like some bumpersticker-vandalism whenever I see a fleet of urban assault vehicles streaming toward me from behind. Scares me almost as much as an 18-wheeler.

76

I hear people mention that Hummers are intended to make up for inadequacy in … uhh, certain areas.

Personally, I think they’re intended to make up for the lack of external genitalia. They’re everywhere around Kansas City, but they’re like VW Cabrios … chick cars. I seldom see men driving them; most H2s around here are driven by twentysomething and thirtysomething women with yuppie power hair.

77

Dude! I started this thread and that’s where I’m posting from!

It’s not just me.

It’s also coincidental that Minis are being brought up in this thread, as that is what I drive.

78

LOL! I missed you guys…:slight_smile:

79

???, Okay, maybe not enough coffee, but I don’t get it.

80

Give me a hummer. And you know what hummer is slang for, right? [sub]fellatio[/sub]