I am so hot I
changed my thermometer to display Celsius in place of Fahrenheit to make me THINK I must be cool
Are you sveltering or shvitzing [marginally NSFW]?
My favorite recent heat meme is “I’m not saying it is hot, but two Hobbits just threw a ring into my backyard”
Brian
Record heat predicted for today in Southern California after several weeks of June gloom cool. Even in the coastal areas. 
Only 117 days till Halloween!
I’m so hot I had to light a fire to cool off.
I was so hot this past week that I learned first-hand what heat cramps and heat exhaustion were like.
Its so hot, the dogs don’t want to ride in the Jeep.
Tell me about it! I’m at 2700 ft. and in mountain shadow and it’s already 105°F on my front porch. The tomatoes and peppers are getting watered twice today. As for us…we have gin. We have tonic. We have limes. We have ice. 
My favorite references are from Good Morning Vietnam.
“It’s so damn hot, I saw little guys, their orange robes burst into flames. It’s that hot!”
Seen on a sign near my house - “Heat makes things expand. I’m not fat, it’s just summer.”
- It’s so hot that all it takes is a yeast infection to make biscuits in your pants.
Please also make sure you have lots of water. 
I am so hot, I am too sexy for my shirt. (So I took it off)
From back when David Letterman was still on NBC:
It’s so hot, fat guys are making their own gravy.
Funny but disgusting.
Next stop: Pants-off Dance-off!
Good thing I don’t have neighbors!
It’s called “tonic water” for a reason, isn’t it? 
But yes, lots of ice water in between G&Ts.
I am so hot I. . . I saw two trees fighting over a dog.
::d&r::
I am so hot I. . .have the AC turned up full blast and *Ice Ice Baby *playing on repeat.
It’s so hot, the priests are defrocking themselves.