I am sorry

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This is to everyone who thinks I am a jerk.

I am a condescending prick quite often and yes it’s a defense mechanism to hide rampant insecurity. I try to pretend to be above it all, but honestly I’m not. I get my feelings hurt pretty easily and the, “You are too stupid to understand me.”, thing is macho posturing.

That’s not to say that I don’t think I am misunderstood a lot. I think I am, like A LOT. The Mary Jo Kopechne thread really wasn’t a troll. You don’t have to believe me, but it wasn’t. I read an article about her today and it just touched something in me, it made me think about death and I felt a very sudden empathy for someone I had given very little thought to in the past. I don’t think I elocuted that very well, but as is often the case I find when you discover something new in yourself your ability to interface with it is very primitive.

I am subject to mood swings and one of the ways that I cope is by obsessively posting on internet message boards. I am sorry if you were in the firing line of that. If you see me on a tear though, it really isn’t very hard to just get out of my way. I am pretty aware of when I am on a tear like that and I don’t seek out people to single out I pick on the ones who come at me.

I am more than willing to accept that misunderstandings of me are as likely to be my own failings in grammar and rhetoric and not a failing upon any of you. I honestly don’t think very many people in this world are truly stupid, but I do tend to use that as an offensive tactic a lot. So for that I am sorry.

I tend to get very righteously indignant when I see people trying to limit my ability to speak my mind freely, and yes I know for the most part the stuff is rather trivial and I just just get the fuck over it.

So if you have been in the firing line on one of my manic fits, then I’m sorry. I am sorry if I have called you stupid. I am sorry if I have been a jerk. I am sorry if I hijacked your thread, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.

I cannot promise it will never happen again, and if a mod wants to ban me because I am going nuts well we’ll burn that bridge when we come to it. To those who have expressed concern for me in real life. Don’t be concerned, I haven’t been fighting with my wife or my daughter. Despite my posting fury I have taken breaks and done other things. I got to the park with my daughter, had dinner with my family and fragged some bitches in Team Fortress 2.

Something I would like to explain though, and this is something that people don’t seem to take very seriously when I tell them, but it’s true. I get very interested in small things that I see in life, some small little aspect of the world will just fascinate me.

I am not very partisan, I am pretty much an independent though when I take those silly online tests they always tell me I lean left/anti-authoritarian. I think being very passionate about a political party or a political ideology is kind of silly. In the end what I care about is that people are healthy, have enough food and are good to each other. Whatever system can accomplish that best, that’s the one I want. I am not a closet conservative, I am not a passionate progressive, I’m just kind of slightly liberal.

I really would like for those who I get into discussions with a lot to read this and take it to heart. I hope that they will accept my apology and I hope that they can understand my idiosyncracies because I feel like I get attacked a lot for things and accused of trying to piss people off when I’m really not. Yes, after a while I am trying to piss them off, but usually not initially. I don’t ever login here and think, “Who can I piss off today?”

So I am sorry to the mods, I am sorry to the posters. I hope you all have a good night/morning/afternoon/evening, whatever succeeds your reading of this post.

2

Well, now that’s actually surprising, and I must admit to being impressed. Now, I could claim to be of the opinion that this is just another level of defence, owning up to one’s failures to prove oneself to be the bigger man is a tried and true tactic after all, but honestly, I don’t believe it is (and if I did, it’d be hardly fair – I’ve got to let you some way out of this, at least). Also, I don’t want to think it is. So I’ll accept your apology at face value and return my own – I don’t usually get that involved in those petty online squabbles (or at least, I like to think I don’t), and I let my frustrations about this out on you; but after all, I jumped into the mud myself, so it’s really my fault I got dirty. So, I’m sorry for getting on your case as aggressively as I did.

3

I think that mold is getting to your brain. :slight_smile:

4

I forgive you. Now go and sin no more until the next time you feel like sinning.

5

well done. It is good that you have some insight - insight in to why you behave in certain ways can be a step towards changing those behaviours.

6

Were you ordered to post this as part of a settlement with the mods? :dubious::smiley:

7

Not at all – I’m as astonished as the rest of you. Perhaps more.

mswas, thank you for a thoughtful post.

8

…I used to know!:wink: (And sometimes meet up with again!)

mswas, I think you will find, that just like a best friend, the folks here are more than willing to forgive if asked.

Haven’t had a chance to read the post/thread in question, but I don’t really think I need to.

Very eloquently written.:slight_smile:

Quasimodem

9

mswas, I commend you for the courage to post your apology. That’s very brave of you.

I read the discussion in ATMB, I haven’t seen the threads in question, so I’m neutral in this matter.

10

Honestly, I’ve actually been worried about you the last few days. I’ve read most of the threads you started all the way through, but I didn’t really post, for fear that I would be an unwilling participant in a Suicide By Mod. I generally like you–you play the devil’s advocate a lot, which I can appreciate. These threads you started seemed ridiculously out of character and I was having trouble understanding what brought them on.

11

Thank you, that helps immensely. I was seriously confused, as most of the time you seem like somebody I’d enjoy hanging out with, but sometimes I’m like “Whoa! Where did THAT come from?!?”.

From now on I’ll know, and keep the salt shaker close at hand.

Thanks again, it takes true humility to admit our shortcomings and ask for understanding. Well done.

12

I was really expecting to log on this morning to read “mswas banned” in ATMB. Glad to see the likelihood of that diminishing. Hang in there and keep posting the good stuff.

13

Huh. Color me impressed…

14

[Empathy] I have problems with mood swings, too. Sometimes, I read a critical comment and go off to cry. I’ve never told anyone because I thought they’d think I was whining.
[/empathy]

15

Good post.
I think at least some of this may go down to not appreciating that the way we phrase things may readily allow others to interpret them differently than intended.
It so often is an iffy thing when heading towards that “submit” button. . .

16

And just what, exactly, did you mean by that?

:smiley:

17

I think he means that he wants silenus to submit. I know I would.

Fascinating post mswas. It’s a fine line to walk between being yourself and being ostracised because who you are turns people off. Trust me on that.

18

Hey silenus - oughtn’t you be off molding the minds of our youth? :stuck_out_tongue:

19

Classes had yet to begin when I last posted. So there!

Now, of course, I’m watching my sophomores cram for the quiz I’m about to drop on them. If you don’t know who founded the “Brothers of the Common Life” you little maggots, you are surely doomed!

BWA-HA-HA!

20

If you know that about yourself, you can act accordingly. But you haven’t.

I’m not buying this act.