The Team-Up YOU demanded, true believer! I Am Sparticus meets the SDMB One-Trick Pony Chowder and Marching Society!
In the pulse-pounding tradition of…well…other Chowder and Marching Society posts!
Yes, effendi! We’ve gotten your letters and postcards and now have the team-up for the ages! Your favorite current kook I Am Sparticus meets the the SDMB One Trick Pony Chowder and Marching Society! You’ll tell your grandchildren about this one!
FatherJohn Fatherjohn is bored. Fatherjohn is gonna take off and go put stickers on SUVs
Sweet Willy Jews drive SUVs
FatherJohn True. Maybe Fatherjohn will go put stickers on Jews too.
There’s a tremendous BANG as the door flies open
I Am Sparitcus: I AM Sparticus!
Hiyruu: (to Sweet Willy) Doesn’t he mean Spartacus?
KayKay: Spartacus was a gladiator right? Let’s see your trident, sweetie. C’mere and drop your pants.
I Am Sparticus: No. I am here to discuss the fact that I am upset that this is a chowder and marching society but I see no chowder and you’re not marching. I have been a staunch defender of the rights of workers to propound their political philosophy on the job and fight for the rights of deli-goers to have the proper amount of meat on their sandwich. I, myself, once didn’t have the proper amount of meat on my sandwich and now the deli is out of business. All because of me. I AM Sparticus.
Everyone just stares at him
Jack Dean Tyler: Um…people here are usually more focused. Do you have a point or could you try again? Were you circumcised? Would you like some chowder?
I Am Sparticus: I AM Sparticus. I LIKE chowder. Have you ever turned an employee in for misbehavior? If you are, you’re a coward. A worm. A cowardly worm. A cowardly worm who eats his own boogers. Everyone hates me including the moderator of all forums and I’m being picked on because I demanded my sandwich has the correct amount of meat on it. Given that, I WILL count the clams in the chowder and woe be unto you if there is less than the proper amount. I AM Sparticus. . I used to patronize a particular deli, because they would slice my meat thin like I liked it for my sandwich. A new owner came in, and sliced my meat thin, just like I liked it. Except that he would not slice a full fifth of a pound, he just gave me the same number of slices. I took aside one of the long time employees and asked her to very gently speak to the boss about this, as he was new at the deli business and everything. She did so. The boss did the same thing next time, I have never been back. You will find that the deli is no longer in business because he was saying fuck off to too many customers. The deli that I now patronize makes my sandwich perfectly every time and got written up in the local newspaper for it. All of the employees and I call each other by name and we invite each other to social events.
Deeward: (attempting to calm Sparti down) Did you know that Englebert Humperdink’s seventh favorite soup? He likes it more than Minestrone, but less than Chicken Soup and Noodle-os.
Sparticus: I notice a disturbing practice. Political “conservatives” are allowed to say anything they like. I refer as an example (as I did earlier) to the Disabled Persons driving Dodge Vipers thread, which struck me as offensive (and meaningless) and I did not participate, beyond reading the first few posts. (The poster there was only complaining in the abstract.) As jerkish as that was, it now continues to it’s fifth page. The difference? A conservative poster with thousands of posts. (I understood the whole thing to be a more or less harmless sick joke. And no, I am not calling for further responses to that post, or threads about it, I cite it only as an example.) But apparently we can mock or criticize disabled people and working stiffs we don’t know, but never criticize the behavior of the bully patrol.
In the words of Bartleby the Scrivener “I prefer not”
Deeward: (tentatively) So…you don’t want chowder?
KayKay: I think my eyes are glazing over…he just. won’t. shut. up. Do you know that I don’t even want to give him a blow-job!!! ME!!!
Hiyruu: His phi does seem to be extremely depleted. He is out of focus with the harmonic of the golden ratio.
Sweet Willy: He went to a deli. JEWS go to delis. If he’s a Jew, he’s circumcised! And I’ll bet he drove to that deli in an SUV!
FatherJohn and Jack Dean Tyler: GET HIM!
A melee ensues, a nose is bloodied and with a hearty heave-ho, I Am Sparticus finds himself tossed out of the building. A bowl of chowder is slid out too as the door is slammed shut behind him.
I Am Sparticus: Well of course I have been brushed off by the by you. We could have had had a political discussion. And of course it doesn’t do any good, but it wouldn’t have been downright cowardly and disgusting. When did we start standing up for tattle talers, squealers, rats and stool pigeons in this country? As for throwing me out, that shows poor judgment, both in nature of the message, but I am not so awfully thin skinned that I’ve got to whine about it and try to get someone fired. I am quite obviously just beside myself at the shocking nature of the behavior that this Society ascribes to itself. It is just so vicious and intolerant. I’ve (obviously) been steaming out my ears, rolling my eyes and spitting ever since. When did we come to this kind of crappy behavior in this country? I AM Sparticus!
You don’t like me, too bad. You are basically a bunch of cowardly bullies who do exactly what everyone else around me does: you make ad hominem attacks, false analogies and recharacterize the original argument until it is a straw man you can deal with and then gang up in a little bunch when challenged. Oooooooh. What are you going to do to me? Call me names? (Great Gildersleeve voice Yessssss!) I AM Sparticus!
A little window on the door of the SDMB One Trick Pony Chowder and Marching Society opens up
Everyone: Shut UP!
And so, True Believers, thus endeth the first meeting of “I AM Sparticus” and the SDMB One Trick Pony Chowder and Marching Society. If you’d like to see another meeting, be sure to send in your letters! Excelsior!
