I Am the Anti-Cafe Society. Just Ask Me A Question, I Will Get It Wrong. I Dare You!

I realized a few days ago that I could make an Amish farmer blush with my lack of current TV, movie, and book culture knowledge. I have been reading the “Best of 2009” lists on the web and I have never even heard of 90% of them let alone seen them or read them. I have also never heard of at least half of the so-called superstars in a copy of People magazine that I looked though in the waiting room at a doctors office recently.

I watch very little TV in general and I don’t go to movies. I read books but they tend to be non-fiction and older. It isn’t a matter of principle at all. It simply doesn’t fit into my lifestyle because I am 36 years old and have two young daughters and I have other obligations most of the time.

Ask me what I know about any aspect of pop culture off the top of my head. I promise not to look anything up and I am not afraid to make a fool out of myself. I am sure I will get most of it wrong anyway.

Ask the pop-culture idiot anything you want to know about it right here and now and I will give it my best shot.

Do you think that Tiger Woods will lead lead the LA Lakers to another NBA title this year or will Simon Cowell and the Boston Celtics beat them when they play in this years World Series at the Hollywood Bowl?

What is the vampire themed book and movie that women and teenage girls are going crazy over?

The Hollywood Bowl is certainly one of the most prestigious cups in college sports. However, I hear that Tiger Woods has extreme talent to make a hole in 14. I predict that number will grow but it will depend on penetration into the end-zone.

I swear I saw something about that once but I am not exactly sure the exact name. I am not a teenage girl and my daughters are not ones yet. I do like Icarly and Spongebob Squarepants though. I met Ann Rice at some parties in New Orleans though and she writes about vampires. Girls are weird. If they ever hooked up with a real vampire, they would be bitching about it all over the place.

Compare and contrast Citizen Kane with Plan Nine from Outer Space.

Star Trek (any of them)
Fact or fiction?

Please tell me which is better, Star Trek or Star Wars. Where does the Hobbit fit in that timeline?

Is Taylor Swift?

Did Han shoot first?

Citizen Kane is a well known movie from the 20th century (U.S.) based upon some type of children’s snow sled. The comparisons are direct and obvious to Plan Nine from Outer Space. The latter is the most extreme ski slope on Mars where many people have died on skis and snowboards let alone things like snowshoes and toboggans. I see you tricked me into getting one right.

Star Wars is much better overall just because regular people watch the stuff from that outfit. The same can’t be said of Star Trek. I watched some episodes of Star Trek at my grandmother’s house in the 1970’s late at night while she was passed out on the couch. Luckily, I was able to finish one before her cigarette caught the couch on fire (again). The thing that struck me was that Darth Vader could easily kill anyone on Star Trek and not even care. That is admirable in my mind.

Is the answer to this question yes?

Now you are just screwing with me and getting to the heart of the issue. I think I have heard of Taylor Swift but only as of 3 days ago and it was just because a People magazine was the only thing around to read. Is she some type of country singer? I don’t know if she is swift or just fast and loose. If it is the latter, I would like to take her out to dinner. OTOH, I may have the gender wrong and I need to retract these comments as fast as possible.

That’s what she said! About five times over.

Didja hear the news? Michael Jackson died! <gasp>

How long have you been out of New Orleans? Anne Rice got out of the vampire thing and returned to the Catholic Church several years ago.

Anyway, prepare yourself for this one (it’s “Twilight”, by the way). My 12 year old daughter just got the book set for Christmas.

OH yeah, my question: Who is Barrack Obama?

If I weren’t so lazy that would become my sig line. Only I wouldn’t give you credit for it.

I still don’t really know what a twitter is, where you get them, and why I would want one.

This one is obvious and you should know this already. A twitter is a hair styling product for girls. You use them to ‘twit’ which is the modern version of twirling hair but with accessories. It looks really cute when done correctly. You can order twitting products off of late night infomercials just like I do. I can get you started for three easy payments of $19.95 if you are interested. E-mail me and I can set you up.