I am the only unattached employee at work-a disadvantage?

In My Humble Opinion
1

At my tutoring job, among 12 employees, 8 of them are couples, 3 more also have SO’s that work elsewhere. I am the only single employee. Occasionally, we will have get-togethers where we can invite a ‘guest’ if we want, and everybody shows up with their SO. Except me.

I know I’m just being insecure about this, but I can’t help but think I’m put at some social disadvantage by this. Particularly because there are so many couples that work there. Combined with the fact that most of them are 16 year olds and I’m actually older than one of the managers there, sometimes I feel isolated.

Some people despise building up relationships with people at work, but in a friendly work environment with friendly coworkers, it would be nice to get to know some of them better. However, there is just so little I have in common with everybody else that I sometimes feel like I’m a social island. I feel it is very important for me to have a good relationship with everybody there, particularly because I want to be a director at the company when I get my degree, but it is challenging to bond well with people that are different in many ways.

Kids have approached me and asked me, “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”. While it is clearly none of their business :stuck_out_tongue: it makes me think about how the kids there are aware of it, and I wonder what they think of it. I’m there to be a role model for children, and sometimes I wonder if my current social status holds me back in connecting with kids in a genuine way. :confused:

2

How old are you, btw? Is this the only setting where you feel isolated without having a girlfriend? I say be comfy being yourself and answer their questions honestly, if you want to answer.

I get the impression that it could be similar to the whole Valentine’s Day “panic attack”. People who don’t have a spouse or partner sometimes wig out a bit when the V-Day cometh and they have no special “plans” for that day. They know their friends and family members will go out with loved ones and feel that they MUST find someone, ANYONE to make V-Day special. Maybe it only happens to females, I’m not sure. I had a friend in high school who couldn’t deal sanely with V-day unless she had a guy to suck face with… so she’d spread 'em and get her V-Day dinners, and life was good, right? Wrong. Her partners number close to 60+ guys over 10 years and she’s a self-confirmed slut, I didn’t have to say it. Last time I spoke to her, she was dating four guys at the same time. I didn’t keep in touch because it was interferring with my own love/social life with my LT guy.
Bleh, forgive the hijack! Now, back to the OP. I don’t see why you can’t get to know you’re crew well even if you’re single. If you are looking for someone, regardless of this situation with coworkers, I bid you happy hunting.

3

It can be weird being of a significantly different demographic than all of your colleagues. At my last job, I was a lot younger than the other four, the only one who’d never been married or cohabitated, and the only one without kids. I had some trouble connecting with some of them, not because of our demographic differences, but because of very different outlooks on life. Especially the twice-divorced mother of two party girl who kept giving me unsolicited advice about my love life. (A lot of it was that she was very vocal about my relationship with Dr.J not being up to her standards, and I thought her standards were incredibly stupid, shallow, and whorish. Not that I said that to her, that would be rude, but it made it hard to forge much of a connection. I guess it’s always hard to connect with someone who doesn’t seem to respect you and whom you don’t respect.)

At my current job, I’m about the only straight woman in the place who doesn’t have kids or isn’t a single party girl. We’ve got very little in common in terms of age, relationship status, sexual preference, etc., but we’re still friends. We go to the movies, or out to eat together, or just shoot the shit, because we genuinely like and respect one another. We’ve got fairly similar goals and priorities in life, and that’s far more important than surface bullshit like age, relationship status, sexual preference, etc.

I guess the important question is this: Do you like and respect your coworkers as people, and do they like and respect you as a person? If so, there are no real barriers to you having a cordial (though not necessarily “best buds 4evah”) relationship with them.

As for your ability to connect with the kids, a girlfriend ain’t gonna help with that. You either can connect with the little buggers or you can’t, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with your relationship status. Hell, I know teachers who are parents themselves and can’t connect with their students. The kids who ask why you don’t have a girlfriend aren’t doing so to pass judgement on you; they’re just curious, and a matter-of-fact answer will generally satisfy them. They’d be the same way about any other easily difference between you and the rest of the staff, say if you had a scar, or limp, or dressed very differently.

4

SanguineSpider, I’m 23. I don’t get that V-day anxiety you mention, though mainly because the people around me don’t make a big deal about Valentine’s day. So fortunately I don’t feel ‘left out’ of that holiday.

Actually, its not the only situation I feel isolated without having a girlfriend. Everyone in my family is attached, and during family get-togethers all my younger cousins bring along their boyfriends/girlfriends.

The biggest difference my coworkers have with me is that most of them are in High School. I’m almost out of college, so our short-term goals are very different. Sometimes the coupling at work worries me because I am concerned they are going to treat their SO better than their other coworkers.

5

I worked in a group once where all the employees except this one consultant had kids in daycare. He got pretty peeved that anybody in the group could take off at a moment’s notice (“Gotta go! Daycare problems!”), but he couldn’t. Granted, they really needed to be having daycare problems, but still. They could leave early and he couldn’t. He tried, once, though. The boss didn’t buy it. :dubious:

6

Been there, done that. Only I was a lot older than 23 at the time! I was always pretty uncomfortable (jeevwoman, are you seeing anyone? no? oh, well that’s ok, too.) and then after awhile I just learned to be ok with being alone, knowing that it wasn’t my preference, but that there wasn’t much I could do to force the issue. I think once you pass that point it won’t make much difference. But it is really hard when the world around you is in couples.

I have to tell you, though, being 23 and single is hardly a strange thing. If it becomes apparent that there is favoritism going on in the workplace, then you can report it to supervisors.

7

These are high school kids? Well, high school romances aren’t exactly renowned for their longevity, so I guarantee that you won’t be the only single one there for long! :slight_smile:

8

Yes its a disadvantage. You get to work all the extra hours because everyone else is busy with kids/SO’s. They’ll assume since you’re single that you have no plans and would be grateful to pick up the slack for everyone else.

“Who wants to work this weekend?” Boss says.
“Can’t, got my kids.” Worker_001
“Gotta watch the kids. I can’t do it” Worker_002
Etc…

9

Bad analogy, pardon me. I just meant that is it YOU who is feeling bad about being alone or is it when you get around all the lovey-dovies in a social setting? If you’re normally fine not having a love interest, then I don’t see how it will effect your relationships at work. And I agree on the longevity of high school love affairs… two weeks max.

10

Not true. Because when you’re single, you can come up with things like:

“Who wants to work this weekend?” Boss says.
“Can’t do it, my sisters birthday.” Single person_001
“I’m the best man for my friends wedding.” Single person_002

If you think hard enough, you can come up with all kinds of BS excuses that are perfectly legitimate.

11

Very true indeed. However I was thinking along the lines of it being a habitual excuse rather than an on the spot one. Worker_001 can always get out of weekends because he/she has their kids every weekend. Whereas, I would have to come up with a different excuse all the time. How many Weddings can I logically go to in one year? Or funerals? Granted I could just say I have another job or event that I always have on the weekends. But then you would have to remember that in case you ever get questioned on it later. Hope to god no one stops in at said-fake-job. Etc… I’m just to lazy for that. Plus, I forget shit constantly. Sounds like too much effort hehe.

12

Well, rather than the web of lies, a simple, dignified “I’m not available due to personal reasons,” is usually enough. (You don’t have to tell them the personal reasons are that you don’t want to work.) If they ask about those reasons, say you don’t want to talk about it. If they keep pushing, start crying and say, “I just can’t, okay?” About 90% of the time, they never ask again.

13

I can’t help but remember Leo Rosten’s definition of a bachelor: “A man who comes to work from a different direction each morning.”