My username stands alone.
(Most obscure gaming reference ever…)
Blue cheese already has penicillin roqueforti in it.
But I think we have sheepishly milked this thread for all the humor available. Let’s see if we can make zombie cheese jokes in six months.
Arnold, I’m afraid I’ve got some terrible news. I was at an Italian restaurant this afternoon and I saw your daughter-in-law there with another man.
Freakin’ ched-o-philes.
If these cheeses showed up six months from now, would you still Edam?
Is that a Rodorical question?
Are you absolutely sure it was her? I often mistake feta for bleu.
Arnold, remind your son that the bible talks about Edam and Eve, not Edam and Steve.
You guys are killing me! 
Last night, we had pasta again, but this time we were out of parmesan and only had romano. He said to me “my wife is gone, but her friend is still here.” I don’t know if it’s my wife playing along with it when I’m not home, and reminding him of what he said the first time, or if he thinks of it himself :eek:
Sounds like the makings for some cheese porn.
Playing the field may be hip, but I’m all for frommagamy.
You should grill him and see what he says.
Oh you made me:
Owner: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
Customer: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.
Owner: I’m, a-fraid we’re fresh out of red Leicester, sir.
Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?
Owner: I’m afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.
Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.
Owner: Ah! It’s beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.
Customer: 'T’s Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?
Owner: Sorry, sir.
Customer: Red Windsor?
Owner: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
Customer: Ah. Stilton?
Owner: Sorry.
Customer: Ementhal? Gruyere?
Owner: No.
Customer: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance.
Owner: No.
Customer: Lipta?
Owner: No.
Customer: Lancashire?
Owner: No.
Customer: White Stilton?
Owner: No.
Customer: Danish Brew?
Owner: No.
Customer: Double Goucester?
Owner: (pause) No.
Customer: Cheshire?
Owner: No.
Customer: Dorset Bluveny?
Owner: No.
Customer: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?
Owner: No.
Customer: Camenbert, perhaps?
Owner: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.
Customer: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
Owner: Yessir. It’s…ah,…it’s a bit runny…
Customer: Oh, I like it runny.
Owner: Well,… It’s very runny, actually, sir.
Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!
Owner: I…think it’s a bit runnier than you’ll like it, sir.
Customer: I don’t care how fucking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
Owner: Oooooooooohhh…! (pause)
Customer: What now?
Owner: The cat’s eaten it.
Customer: (pause) Has he.
Owner: She, sir.
Customer: (pause) Gouda?
Owner: No.
Customer: Edam?
Owner: No.
Customer: Case Ness?
Owner: No.
Customer: Smoked Austrian?
Owner: No.
Customer: Japanese Sage Darby?
Owner: No, sir.
Customer: You…do have some cheese, don’t you?
Owner: (brightly) Of course, sir. It’s a cheese shop, sir. We’ve got–
Customer: No no… don’t tell me. I’m keen to guess.
Owner: Fair enough.
Customer: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.
Owner: Yes?
Customer: Ah, well, I’ll have some of that!
Owner: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that’s my name.
Customer: (pause) Greek Feta?
Owner: Uh, not as such.
Customer: Uuh, Gorgonzola?
Owner: No.
Customer: Parmesan,
Owner: No.
Customer: Mozarella,
Owner: No.
Customer: Paper Cramer,
Owner: No.
Customer: Danish Bimbo,
Owner: No.
Customer: Czech sheep’s milk,
Owner: No.
Customer: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
Owner: Not today, sir, no.
Customer: (pause) Aah, how about Cheddar?
Owner: Well, we don’t get much call for it around here, sir.
Customer: Not much ca-- it’s the single most popular cheese in the world!
Owner: Not 'round here, sir.
Customer: (slight pause) and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?
Owner: 'Illchester, sir.
Customer: IS it.
Owner: Oh, yes, it’s staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
Customer: Is it.
Owner: It’s our number one best seller, sir!
Customer: I see. Uuh…'Illchester, eh?
Owner: Right, sir.
Customer: All right. Okay. ‘Have you got any?’ he asked, expecting the answer ‘no’.
Owner: I’ll have a look, sir…nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
Customer: It’s not much of a cheese shop, is it?
Owner: Finest in the district!
Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
Owner: Well, it’s so clean, sir!
Customer: It’s certainly uncontaminated by cheese…
-Excepts from Monty Python’s The Cheese Shop