Well, if you paid for penis, you’d be guilty of solicitation. Just cuz you got penis for free doesn’t mean you stole it.
So carry on, you penis-lovin’ fool!
I had a misreading of the OP title too. Never mind.
It took me several years to understand that the casual phrase “Hey, can I borrow your pen for a second?” really means:
Give me your pen. I will take it and never return it.
Hee hee, out loud that sounds sort of like “peanut.”
bbs2k is a peanut!
Amongst other things. 
I will accept your apology as long as you accept mine for stealing socks. All those socks that you have blamed your dryer for eating, nope that was me. Sorry. I try to be good, but I just cannot help myself. I like socks. But only socks that do not have a partner. Loner socks.
So as long as you forgive me, I forgive you for all the pens you have stolen.
Thank you,
Trollhaugen
Sure Trollhaugen, all is forgiven, carry on. I only match my socks by thickness and toe number anyway.