I’m sorry.
Sorry. Apologies all around. I am a pen thief. I don’t mean to be one. There is no conscious pen-avarice in me heart, but there is an automatic pen-mania in my hands. I buy nice pens and distribute them at work, but within a day I have stolen them all back. I don’t mean too. They kind of stick to me and follow me around. I pick up a pen, write, get called away, and when I arrive the original pen IS NOWHERE. I pick up a new pen, write and repeat. Later on I become conscious of a less then subtle weight gain and find pens in my pockets, hanging on my belt loops, stuck to my clipboard and clipped to my clipboard. Sorry. Once as a student PT I cleaned out every single pen in the hospital rehab department before lunch. ( I was stressed-my first patient had suddenly stopped breathing and had no pulse, was identified as a no-code do not rescuitate, then sat up and asked what was going on)
All I can do is warn people and try to return pens. The good thing is there is always a full pen holder on my desk and I encourage all my office-mates to help themselves. Sorry.
There is no such thing as an individual’s pen in an office. They are all office pens to be used by anyone in the office.
If you are that attached to a particular pen, keep it on your person at all times. And consider therapy.
I have a pen on my desk that states “The one with the most pens Wins!”
I plan on winning.
Apologize for nothing. It’s winter and that be pen hoarding season.
-bbs2k, admitted pen nut
“Your whole life there is that one creepy guy around at work… he’s got the pocket with the whole jubilee of pens, in case he has to write A LOT.” Dane Cook
ETA: Video!
Well yeah, if the office bought it. But that nice pen that Mom bought me when I graduated college nearly 20 years ago? That’s mine. I use it regularly, since pens are designed to be used. And I don’t expect others to take it. The geek pen with the USB memory stick my friend bought me for Christmas? Mine again.
Keep it with you at all times.
We bought a gross of pens from someone who came into the office. 144 pens all the same, and yet people ask me if I “stole” the one I’m using from their desk.
Ah, so you’re the one. :mad:
This year we bought a lot of pens with our clinic name on them. We expected them to disappear and be given away, however they disappear very rapidly and I highly suspect they aren’t being given away because whenever I give one to a client to sign their receipt they always give it right back and we only leave one or two on the reception desk where clients could have access to it. So it is the office pen thieves at work again.
The amazing thing is that we have boxes and boxes of pens now yet the amount of times that there are no pens at the front desk has increased. All they have to do is reach into the box in the cabinet above the desk to restock the pens but they don’t do that. A couple times a week I have to grab a handful of pens and fill the pen holder. Where do they all go? They are not elsewhere in the hospital. All the other pen holders are often lacking in pens as well. I bet if I dropped in to visit my co-workers there’s be tons of our now easily identifiable clinic pens.
I buy my own pens, and they’re usually in sets of bright colors. People know I’ll hunt them down like a dog in the street if they steal my pens. Grrrr. :mad: 
You can have all your cheap ball-points.
Gosh, I feel better.
Wile E, that is ODD.It is wrong to put a stolen pen in captivity. They must be set free to roam like the wild mustang. I have studied them, and it is true that pens only mate in large flocks, but only migratory flocks breed true. Sessile pen flocks throw sterile non-writing pen pups and sad mutations like the dried up marker and empty mechinical pencil pup. I assure you I would never be a part of such cruelty.
Douglas Adams figured this one out a long time ago…
unattended pens “slip quietly through wormholes in space to a planet inhabited solely by Pen based lifeforms, where they can enjoy a uniquely Biroid lifestyle, responding to Biro-orientated stimuli, leading the Biro equivalent of the good life”
people aren’t stealing your pens, they’re just migrating…
I’m also kind of a pen-thief. I’m a teacher and I buy (for my own use) possibly 150 pens a year, yet manage to lose them all; so every time I find a pen on my desk or on the floor I keep it (if its a generic one, never a good one.
Considering that my lost-to-stolen ratio is possibly 6 or 7 I don’t feel as bad as I should.
At one of my last jobs I once borrowed a pen from someone while I was at his cube – we were talking and I needed to scribble something out to explain myself. Pen magically attached itself to me, never to return to it’s original owner. Anyhow, a few months they let him go due to budget cuts. He was a contractor so par for the course, but nonetheless he was a really nice guy and we were sad to see him go. During his last week he came buy and asked for his pen back. Turns out it was his LUCKY pen, you see. That he had carried with him for the last seven years. Because his friend gave it to him. His friend in India.
Yes, I went to Staples and bought him a Cross pen.
Why? What other things do I have to worry about people taking off of my desk? Is my Dilbert Calendar fair game? How about my tech books? Can people take pictures off of my desk if they wish? Personal property is personal property.
You took his lucky pen and later he lost his job? Hmm …
I’ve long had this theory that pens and lighters are both made in some secret magical universe using some magical material that gives them all the annoying and mysterious behvaiors and properties they possess.
Really, aside from the minor issue of what they’re actually used for, lighters and pens have almost everything in common.
People always steal them from you.
But you’re always stealing them from other people, so it’s ok.
They often seem to appear out of nowhere. It’s in your pocket or your purse, and you’ve been using it for while, but you have no idea where it came from as you don’t remember actually aquiring it.
Just as easily, they’ll be there one moment, and then disappear, never to be seen again.
Sometimes, despite the fact that you have many lying around the house, you just can’t seem to find one when you need one, even in places you KNOW you left one.
Once the need for one passes, you’re very likely to find a dozen of them 20 minutes later.
Mysterious things, they are.
If you leave your pen on my desk, I will put it in my pen cup. Please don’t accuse me of stealing it. I’m a neat freak when it comes to my desk, so the pen cup is where your pen will be when you come back for it. I was just keeping it in a safe place.
I had a smoking buddy at work who did this with lighters.
The first time I went to his house, I found a fruit bowl in his kitchen with about 100 lighters in it, a substantial number of them being mine.
I’m a pen thief too, and I’m aware of it. Whenever I use someone’s pen, I always make a conscious effort to give it back to them, saying, “Please take this back, or I will steal it. Not on purpose, but I’ll forget to give it back to you.”
Fortunately these days I telecommute, so the only pens I’m stealing are my own. 
Here’s the direct Douglas Adams quote from HHGTTG, as found on H2G2.com;
For some reason, I have a lot to contribute to this thread. I’m not sure that’s a healthy thing…
Visiting the doctor’s office earlier in the week, I noticed that each pen by the reception desk had a huge drinking straw taped to it. I bet that cuts down on the theft!
As for me, I’m a ruthless model of efficiency; I like to take a pen and then use it until it’s dry. I usually have one check-writing pen, which stays by the checkbook at home and gets used until it dies. (Given the online bill-paying thing, I may not ever need to replace the current one.) I note that cheapish ballpoints tend to have a final life stage where the ink comes out a little thicker than earlier in life, so I can gauge when it’s about to give up the ghost. It’s like the red giant stage before nova, or something.
At work I’ve always been finicky about pens, hence I tend to keep an eye on my own. One summer I worked at a tiny company (5 employees) where the boss loved fine-point ballpoint pens. I like medium-point better, and there was one pen in the whole office that was medium-point, so I commandeered it. If it was missing from my desk, I’d go check everyone else’s desks for it and bring it back. No one ever seemed to notice. (That was also a pretty boring job, which gave me lots of time to ponder such trivialities.) At my current job, I had a favorite pen, which recently went missing. There’s now a small sticky note next to my remaining pens and pencils that says “Do not take my pens!” My office is locked if I’m not in it, so I’m not sure who could have walked off with that pen. Very mysterious.
My favorite pen ever, though, is one I found somewhere at college. That was almost twenty years ago, and I still have it. Thank goodness for stationery stores that sell refills. I hardly ever use it, but it’s in my bag every day and stands as a symbol of my past, an artifact that can conjure all kinds of memories. I ain’t leaving that one on my desk, that’s for sure.