There was nothing in my fridge to take for lunch this morning, so I figured that I would eat lunch out. But I was in a meeting that ran long, so I just went to the cafeteria and bought a hot dog from the vending machine. After I had eaten it, I noticed that the expiration date was yesterday.
I haven’t noticed any adverse effects yet, but it has only been about ten minutes. So tell me, what can I expect to happen to me?
Hot dogs only give expiration dates for the sake of appearances. They are actually so full of preservatives that they are virtually immortal.
I don’t have the url, but there was something called “The Stinky Meat Project” which chronicled the dissolution of various types of meat left out in a yard to rot for days. One of the experiments used hot dogs. Nothing appeared to happen to them at all.
There. Feel better?
Thanks for your reassurance, but you don’t need to handle me with kid gloves. I can take it. I’m gonna die, that’s all there is to it.
Oh, God, the cold…
Grampa? Is that you?
(With my last reserves of strength, I can just manage to provide the stinky meat link for those who haven’t seen it)
Bottle of Smoke, listen to me and listen closely. You need immediate care. The only way to save yourself now is to scarf down a couple of Twinkies. Bite the bullet and do it, buddy. Good luck.
Bottle of Smoke, you do know there is a fate worse than death. You could be worshiping the porcelain god we like to call toi-lae. I don’t want to heave any bad thoughts your way. You shoulda gone with the “power lunch.” That would be sodapop, chips and candy bar.
I misread this thread title as “I am a vending machine hot dog. What will happen to me?”
Yikes – don’t use the word “heave.” I would have gone with the power lunch, but that’s what I had yesterday (except I substituted a Hostess fruit pie for the candy bar)
Gazoo – Good advice, but no can do. We haven’t had Twinkies in the machines for a while. Maybe a Li’l Debbie Swiss Cake Roll could do the trick…
And porcupine, as a matter of fact I am a vending machine hot dog. Why, you should see the tricks I can do.
What will happen? Simple.
YOU WILL LIVE FOREVER.
With all those preservatives, you should plan on trying out for the remake of the remake of the remake of the remake of “Mummy” in 2264.
…or disappear like, well, a bottle of smoke…
I also recall seeing an article by an anthropologist, who was doing research on the contents of dumps. He excavated several urban dumps in the uS, and found perfectly preserved hotdogs from 13 years previously!
So I would not worry about being a day beyond the expiration date.
What I would really hesitate about would be those hotdogs that you see in those gas-station convenoence stores-you know-the ones that rotate on thse grill machines? god knows how long those things spend on the grill?
Foot-long or just your average Joe?
Bottle of Smoke, does that mean you can jump and stuff while skiing on a vending machine?
In one of those all-too-frequent moments of felinicidal curiousity, I ate one of those things, just to find out what would happen. So far nothing seems abnormal. But I imagine if I’m ever stuck in a Harlan-Ellison-world computer as the last human alive, it won’t take much to preserve me intact for centuries.
Along the same lines, I saw a bag of chips labeled “Coney Island flavor” yesterday. Apparently, Coney Island tastes like mustard stains with a lingering taste of discarded hot dogs. Is there anyone out there who’s actually tasted the island who could let me know if that’s true?
(I can’t believe I am typing this)
Foot long 100% Grade A all-beef.
Not really “skiing,” I guess. But the newer machines do have wheels. Tony Hawk better watch out, cuz I’m going for the 900.
Hotdogs are just nature’s way of saying “Where did THAT come from?”
In all seriousness, Bot (can I call you Bot?), you do run the risk of contracting the dreaded Weineritis. If so, you will soon find yourself unable to consume any foodstuff unless it comes in a Styrofoam container, and/or requires microwaving for proper preparation.
Chef Boy-Ar-Dee Lunch For One Beefaroni will be your bane and your salvation. It will become your crutch.
You will be looked upon as one of the dregs of humanity as you slurp Ramen noodles by the truckload.
You will move your desk into the cafeteria so you can keep an eye on the microwave oven, just in case someone pops a Hot Pocket in there, and carelessly leaves the room. You will be a Hot Pocket rogue/scavenger.
Then comes the cravings for World Wide Wrasslin’ Federation and banjo music.
In short, it isn’t pretty.
I’ll send flowers.
I want to let you know, I’ve seen the same thing! It was actually in some children’s book about where garbage goes (my seeing it, not your article) where they had a photo of hotdogs from some 15 years ago, still looking fairly normal. Perhaps not your first choice out of the fridge, but nothing that would inspire fear or make you think “Those things look like they were dig out of a landfill!”
The actual point of the page though was to show that without air and bacteria, things on the bottom of landfills don’t decompose and aren’t going to go away.
That doesn’t sound too bad, Jack. As long as I don’t develop a craving for Hamburger Helper, that is.
::shudder::
:eek:
{GASP!!}
Bite your tongue, sir. I shall not abide by such slanderous fiddle faddle, harrumph, or something.
[Homer]
Mmmm, Fiddle Faddle
[/Homer]
Hot dogs. The greatest secret in the universe!
No one has ever been able to find out exactly what they are made of. Frozen ones can be used as weapons, baby teething things, bonking unruly kids on the head, mugging the unwary passer by, and chasing dogs off your lawn.
The ones turning slowly on those grills in convenience stores and gas station shops probably have been there for years. When they reach the size of a Vienna sausage, they’re done. Sometimes, a drunk wobbles in, pays the high price for one and consumes it either as a suicidal attempt or trying to sober up.
A concealed hot-dog found on a person during a police stop is considered a weapon and will get you arrested.
It is rumored that smoking off brand hot dogs will get you high.
Some ladies have discovered obscene pleasure in ‘using’ a hot dog. Presumably, one not frozen.
Throwing a hot dog off of the Empire State Building is considered a felony and attempted murder.
I hear the symptoms of hot dog poisoning are:[ul][li]White spots on your fingernails[/li][li]Excessive nose hair[/li][li]Eye boogers[/li][li]Toe jam[/li][li]Darker-than-normal earwax[/li][/ul]If you have two or more of these symptoms, run, do not walk, to your local mortician’s office and ask if repeat visitors get a discount.