If there’s anyone out there whom I have offended during the last year, whether known to me or unknown to me, I humbly ask your pardon and forgiveness.
'Tis the season.
Yeah, you promised me a rose garden and I never got it.
(At least I think that’s what you said.)
Damn! Now I have to recall the ninjas. I bet they keep the deposit.
Standard boilerplate supplication:
I humbly apologize for all my sins and offenses, past, present or future, real or imagined. And I promise I’ll find a better deodorant and maybe lose some weight.
Robin
It kind of reminds me of the Act of Contrition said at the end of Confession:
Oh, my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended thee, and I detest all my sins, yadda yadda yadda can I go now?"
You’re right; it came out more of a pink than a rose.
For all these things, forgive us.
I’m really, deeply, truly sorry for whatever it is I did.
(Except that thing at that time. I’m not sorry for that.)
Happy New Year!
Pardon my ignorance, but what new year are we commemorating? I’m about 3/4 of the way though my year.
Rosh Hashanah.
An Arky
Not a jew, even though my name’s Joel
I’m not sorry, I’m glad I did it! Ha HA!
Rosh Hashanah, or Jewish New Year, was last week.
Today is the eve of Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement.
When I was a nanny for a Jewish family, our good-hearted but ignorant WASP neighbor sent a card wishing the family a “HAPPY YOM KIPPUR!!” 
Rosh Hashanah (Jewish new year).
And why are you confessing your ‘sins’ on New Year’s?
A new year, time for new beginnings, and a chance to try to set things right from the past year. We’re supposed to have things wrapped up (or at least well in hand) when Yom Kippur (“Day of Atonements”) starts tomorrow night.
Apologies to Ceiling Cat. You really shouldn’t have had to see that.
I was just confessing my ignorance, which I don’t consider to be a sin (in general).
Is that really you, Dex? I didn’t see any bad puns. But if you apologize for the ones in the past year I’ll forgive you.
An actress wished Jon Stewart a Happy Yom Kippur on The Daily Show two or threee years ago. He spent about half the interview teasing her about it.
To anyone over the last year who I may have offended, accidentally or intentionally, allow me to say, “Suck it, bitches.” I regret nothing!