I can't dance....(long)

Here’s the situation, and it’s kinda funny, kinda MPSIMSey, and kind of stupid and embarassing to admit.

I was at a party, with my friend Jason and my boyfriend. A girl named Juanita, who is a great dancer, comes up to Jason who is leaning back on the couch, hands behind his head, and starts giving him a not-quote-X-rated lap dance. Very impressive from anyone’s point of view, she could seriously do this for a living. She looks at my boyfriend, looks at me, thinks for a second, and then decided against doing the same for him.

This is when I started looking around at all the other girls, who are dancing as well. By themselves, with other girls, with guys, on lamp posts, with tables, you name it. And they were all really good.

Just as Juanita finishes up on a very horny Jason, foxboy looks at me, and suggestively leans back and puts his hands behind his head. “No no no no no!” I am yelling in protest, because I know that I cannot dance to save my life. He goes, “Well you could fake it.” “Like I do everything else, right sweetie?” Glare.
Anyways, I refuse, because I know that out of this entire room of girls who are dancing perfectly, I am the one exception who looks like I am having a seizure.

Cut to tonight, on the radio they’re playing some late-night DJ party mix thing, where they change all the songs to techno and combine them nicely. I am bored, so I decide that I’ll see just how bad I look when I dance, and try a little bit to improve it. Now, with my hair down, and wearing my Super Cool[sup]TM[/sup] furry leopard print cowgirl hat, if I try a little bit I don’t look so bad in the mirror. But when I close my eyes or look away it feels like I look incredibly stupid. I’d like to surprise foxboy one of these days and actually be able to do something that looks halfway impressive the next time I have the opportunity to dance for him.

Any suggestions from the ladies of the SDMB? Where did you learn to dance, and is there any hope for me??

Dance lessons! Getch yer free lap dance lessons here!

[sub]I can teach you a thing or two about this, baby[/sub]
And what the hell kind of parties do you go to, anyway?

Could you really? Would I have to fly out to Cincinatti to recieve these lessons? What would I have to give in exchange?

Seriously though.

What kind of parties do I go to? What do you mean “what kind”?

It’s probably a Cincinnati thing, but it’s been a long time (like never?) that I’ve been to a party where a spate of impromptu lap dancing broke out.

Remember that I am talking about a party which involved lots of underage drinking and horny teenagers. You did know that, right?

There is no hope. I have been told that I look like a “frog having an epileptic fit”(that’s a direct quote, by the way). I have tried my best but I just don’t improve. I find it best to bring a game of UNO and hope no one notices I am not dancing.

Foxy - where do you live?

(and I recommend belly dance lessons)

Hi! I can’t teach you to dance, but I’m willing to supply the alcohol, if you’re willing to supply the teenagers! (18 and only please! I’ll have enough trouble with the “Contributing to the Delquentcy of Multiple Minors” without any other charges being applied! :wink: )

Shera- This made me laugh to no end. “A frog having an epileptic fit”…classic!
Zyada- I live in Colorado. I would like to learn how to dance without spending too much money, seeing how I have none.
Tuckerfan- I know a lot of people you’d be interested in. Myself not included, actually. I’d really just like to learn how to dance. Alcohol was a nice offer, however. :wink:

Except for Zyada’s suggestion on belly dance lessons, does anyone else have anything to add? I’m desperate here!
I was thinking along the lines of music videos, sometimes they have lots of pretty girls dancing, or regular movies with particular scenes on it that I should pay attention to and mimic to the best of my ability.

Help me!!!

Dancing is easy, all you have to do is move to the music, or move with the beat of the music.

Practice I don’t know. What I did is I always go to the night clubs, and I’d watch what other people did. And then once I got trashed enough, some chick would pull me out on the floor and I started to dance. Thats the way I learned. Just mimic what everyone else is doing until you get the hang of it. And usually if your a chick all you got to do is shake your ass. :wink:

And you can never go wrong with grinding, if you need help with that I’m here to help you :slight_smile:

Dancing adequately in public is beyond me, but if your goal is to do a sexy, private lap dance for your boyfriend, that’s easier. Sway and strip slowly. (I learned this when my boyfriend took me to a strip club; those girls weren’t dancing, and their moves had nothing to do with the music.)

I feel your pain, ladyfoxfyre.

I’m not sure if I can dance or not, because when I tried briefly in elementary school I got made fun of and have never had the nerve to try again (except once, and everyone who knew me in the room were my very best friends and horribly drunk).

My boyfriend gives me a really hard time about this (I can’t even dance around him) since he is not burdened by such a thing as self-consciousness.

My lack of dexterity combined with my utter lack of rhythm just can’t be a good combination… So I’m waiting here with ladyff for some advice.

Or, at least advice on how to answer the question of why I don’t dance so as not to get literally dragged onto the dance floor.

Well, I at least have some rhythm.
Thanks for the info Nicklz, but I am pretty good at grinding. If you ride horses a lot you get a natural rhythm for rubbing your crotch against stuff and not hurting yourself. That’s why I love the girl-on-top position in sex, but foxboy is more fun to ride anyway :smiley:

After a lot of practice in the mirror, and several hot, sweaty hours of dancing to radio-edit club music, I am getting better. A strip tease isn’t exactly what I’m looking for, I figure I could fake that pretty well if I ever needed to.

But a girl can never have too much practice, so which one of you guys is willing to drag me to a strip club for some “research”?

Beautiful young woman, no money, wants to learn to dirty dance… have you considered applying for an internship at the local strip club. Make money AND learn to do the bump and grind at the same time. No experience necessary.
[sub]Just make sure your folks aren’t working vice.[/sub]

HA! Yeah, I can’t really see myself as a stripper. I don’t think I’m as beautiful as Shibb claims, I’m very self conscious, and my boobs aren’t big enough.
That would be cool though, except that all I want to do is learn how to dance!

But, if there are any guys out there who are willing to watch me perfect my technique…:wink:

BTW…there are no local strip clubs out here. I live in BFE, remember?

Okay, no strip clubs, gotcha. How about if you get one of those web cams and we can create an on-line strip joint, we’ll call it the Virtual Tease. Then we can chat and the guys can put $1 bills in your virtual garter band.

In short, I’m volunteering, I’m volunteering. Or you can give me directions to BFE, Colorado.

Directions? Alrighty, my family is going out of town on Friday so here’s what you need to do…

I have a webcam, but I get the feeling that a Virtual Tease wouldn’t be such a great idea :rolleyes:

The idea of virtual $1 bills being stuck in my panties is enticing though…