Call a helpline. They might not have answers for all your problems, but they will talk you down, y’know, from, ‘I can’t take any more!’. Which is a dangerous place to be. They will always point you to any available resources that might help you.
Before just walking away consider applying for a four week personal leave due to family issues. What do you have to lose? And you could gain a month buffer period. If they say no and can you for asking, you’re no worse off and can collect EI. (I don’t think you’ll get any pension relief till you’re sixty though!)
My husband was the same way about at the same age. It didn’t help that the place he worked was at the beginning of a downward spiral (it’s still in business, but barely, with fewer than 1/4 the staff they used to have.) Anyway, he retired. I was getting my pension, but I was also working in a temp job so we did OK financially.
Then after about a year he wanted something big - I can’t recall what it was, but he decided to look for work again and he wound up where he’s working now, actually enjoying his job again. (Eventually, I joined the same company - I could see why he liked working there.) But now, at 61, he’s about to retire again - Dec 22 is his date. And he’s also about to launch his own business.
Come to think of it, I retired from my 37-year career at 57, and as boredom set in, I took a series of temp, then permanent jobs. Some months ago, I asked to go from 5 days a week to 4, and it has made a huge difference - they know I’ll come in on Fridays if I’m really needed, I’m still getting a buttload of work done, plus I get 3-day weekends every week. Less money, but more sanity!
I guess my point is: you’re not alone and I think it’s probably a fairly typical reaction at that stage of life. I think the suggestion of personal leave is a good one. It sounds like you need to step back and take a breather. You can consider what you want to do with your life, how much you’d really need to live on till it’s pension time. And talking to a doctor might not be a bad idea - you could have mild depression and the right meds could make all the difference. Or it could just be time to move on. But it sounds to me like time to do a serious evaluation of where you are and where you want to be.
If you go to your doctor, and they document that you are dealing with depression or an anxiety disorder, you pretty much cannot be denied time off under the Family Medical Leave Act. That’s unpaid leave. Depending on what sort of benefits and insurance you have, you might be able to get short-term disability through your work (as opposed to long term disability, which is through Social Security, and I don’t think you are there yet, but you can research it during your time off).
During your time off, you can take a few days just to decompress. Since you have some savings, you can go to some movies, or sit around playing video games, and catch up on sleep. If you have been chronically sleep-deprived by your work schedule, you may feel world’s better after getting nine hours a night for a few nights.
But then you need to buckle down and look at your options.
Do you need medication for depression of anxiety?
Is it really the job itself, or is it a particular co-worker? if so, is it a lateral co-worker, a subordinate, or a supervisor? what can you do? transfer to another department? fire the subordinate? speak to your supervisor about the co-worker?
If it is really the job itself, maybe spend the rest of the time looking for a new one.
What is your obligation to the ex? If your job situation changes, chances are, the obligation can be modified, but you need to contact a lawyer to file the correct paperwork. If we are talking alimony, it was probably based on your salary at the time of the divorce. If you get a pay cut, you can probably get the alimony revised, but you need a lawyer who knows how to write the paperwork. If the obligation is insurance, and you new job does not have insurance, you will need a lawyer. There was always the possibility you could have been fired from your previous job, so there was always the possibility of her losing insurance that way. Maybe you will be forced to buy her insurance under the ACA, by putting her on your policy (if that is possible), or pay for a separate policy, or maybe she will be told “Tough luck.”
This is another thing you will have time to deal with during your leave.
If might be a hassle, but it sounds like it couldn’t possibly be more of a hassle than where you are now.
If you have the documentation in hand, it’s doubtful your job will fight you on the family medical leave. It’s a right. My husband took it for four weeks when our son was born because his company did not offer paternity leave, and I was really struggling with a newborn and recovering from a c-section, plus, we had some pipes spring a leak, and it was getting dark early. He needed to work on them during the day (it took only a couple of hours, but it was really a daylight thing). No one batted an eye at him when he asked for time off and said “FMLA.”
Good luck.
Eff. I see now that you are in Canada. Well, still, if you can get leave of some kind, I stand by my advice.
Helpful suggestions, RivkahChaya, but Leaffan is in Ontario. There are equivalents, of course.
Leaffan, does your workplace have a confidential employee counselling program? Worth checking it out. If not, go to your doctor right away and tell them exactly what you’ve posted.
As I recall, you’ve had a rough couple of years both at home and at work. You may need a break.
Just remember to try to suffer through a few more weeks/months and look for a job. It is easier to find a job while you have a job.
I hit the wall with one job a long time ago and thankfully someone talked me off the ledge of just quitting. I started a job search and kept working and very soon moved on.
That’s good advice from ** What
Exit?**. Always easier to look for work if you’ve got a pay-cheque coming in. Stressful to be looking for work and worrying about EI running out.
I agree with the suggestion to see a mental health counselor. Assuming you live on your own, and can cover the debt you owe to your ex-spouse, take a hard look at your budget and see where you can cut drastically, like downsizing your home.
If you quit tomorrow and only have a year’s salary to live on, you won’t lower your stress level because you’ll have the new stress of your savings running out. Your only two choices are to: Status quo or cut expenses.
One thought: Didn’t you leave a job you liked, and where you had been a long time and were liked, to take this one? Give them a call. See if they have a place for you to come back to. You won’t be the first person in the world to come back to a place after they’ve left.
Second thought: if everything else fails, leave the place you hate and take CostCo, at least for a while. You’ll feel better and can start to re-build your health. Once you’re in a better space, you can start looking for a different job, if you want to.
I have been in your shoes, and working in a soul-numbing place is exactly that. It destroys you. You will feel lighter the second you leave. It will cause you some logistical problems (perhaps), but it’s worth it.
Maybe you just need a little break. I went to New York for three months and maxed out my credit card last time I had a nervous breakdown; but that was like 17 years ago. I hope you find the help you need, I think a lot more middle aged people are having the same sort of problems you are and suffering in silence than are talking about it.
At least this is one thing that Leaffan doesn’t worry about. Her health care isn’t tied to his job at all. Both would be covered by OHIP (Ontario’s medicare) and he wouldn’t have any ongoing obligation to her on that issue.