Wah, wah, boring whiny self-pitying thread to follow.
I lost my job with 5 days notice- my office closed. Independent contractor, so no unemployment for me. Got food stamps, won’t starve- a bright spot. Also got a new puppy just before Christmas, not knowing job would be ending. Also have a 13 year -old son that is suicidal and has been hospitalized twice in the past two weeks- they won’t keep him, I can’t leave him at home by himself because I’m scared he’s going to hurt himself, and have decided against a group home or other institutionalization. I want to take care of him myself and keep him safe. Rent will go unpaid, power getting turned off, phone, cable, and internet access getting turned off. Taking real good care of him, aren’t I?
People say, reach out for help when you need it. Don’t try to go it alone. I have wealthy family members, but they don’t see any need to help. “You’re a strong, resourceful mother!” Okay, thanks! :rolleyes:
I’m tired. I literally cry all the time. I pull it together when I go outside, but every moment that I am awake and at home, I’m crying. Probably doesn’t help my son with his crushing depression and suicidal thoughts, but still I cry. For 13 years I’ve been working full-time up until recently, carrying on, paying, always paying for everything, always doing, always providing. Now, nothing.
I’m so sorry that you and your son are having to go through this.
It may be true that you’re strong and resourceful- but if your family can help, you should show them this post. They may be aware that you’re struggling, but not how bad things have become. You mention that you’ve always managed to support yourself and your son, so they may not realize that this time is different.
I’m not American, so I’m not aware of what social safety nets may exist outside food stamps, so I hope others respond to your thread, Alice.
Virtual hugs don’t help, but here goes ((((Alice))))
I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you are facing; in a just society there would be more help for you.
You should check with your state’s unemployment office; being an independent contractor does not necessarily mean you are not eligible for unemployment benefits. In the 90s I was working as an independent contractor and when the work ended I thought I would not be eligible but a friend suggested I register. I was not only eligible but received benefits retroactively to when I stopped working.
Also, in terms of asking your wealthy family members for help, you might have to spell it out for them as in “can I borrow x amount of dollars to keep my lights on until i get another job?” People, even family can be clueless.
How long until your current lease is up? You might start asking the local women’s shelters in your area - some let you bring your kid(s) some don’t, some have rules about pets while others don’t … that all varies widely.
How toxic are these family members you mentioned? Do they seem to want to be friendly and helpful but just are blind to your needs? If they helped, would there be strings attached? Are they local to you or distant?
Concur that you should check in w/unemployment anyway - can’t hurt, might help. They won’t charge you a fee just to apply!
Just trying to throw some thoughts and possibilities out there, see if anything sticks …
Alice, sorry things are going so rough right now - you’re in my thoughts! One thing you might want to check on is LIHEAP Tucson - I did a google search - they do have resources to help with utilitiy bills for one thing.
If the psychiatric hospital won’t keep your son (and believe me, I could rant about that all the livelong day, having worked with some very troubled adolescents who could not get inpatient stays over 48 hours…), can you use something like Respite services? I can try to do a search for your area later, but I know that here in my area, there are places where a person can go for up to 48 hours that is a more safe environment than home but not the restrictive environment of a hospital—staffed 24/7 but not locked, for example. That sounds like something you both need.
Well there is wealthy and then there is wealthy. Someone can have a good job and a nice house and still be drowning. Hard to know their real circumstances. And asking for help always sucks really bad. When all options suck you just have to put your head down and plow through it. And you are right, getting evicted for not paying rent is not taking care of him or yourself. You must figure out which options are the least sucky and go with that.
Okay. Now it seems that getting it out helped me to focus. Weird. Now I have come up with a plan and have taken concrete steps to help get out of not only this immediate situation, but for long-term goals that I’ve been making, as well. I have a whole nother side of my family that I hadn’t reached out to, but now I have. And local resources that I hadn’t called on, as well. Maybe I just had to wallow for a bit. I feel better.
As for unemployment, I did not know that. I was considering pursuing it, because the company I worked for did not follow IC rules in any way except them not paying taxes for me, but I didn’t know if I could take on a big fight right now on top of everything else. If I go apply for cash assistance, which is so little it would hardly even be worth it, they’d make me apply for unemployment anyway, so I might as well.
As for respite, yeah, been getting that for 12 1/2 years- it helps but the state keeps cutting the hours. Our provider has been with us for so long, that she donates some hours when we’re out, but he’s still with me 98% of the time.
As for wealthy, oh, yeah, there’s wealth. But I guess old people don’t stay rich by giving their money away, that’s understandable.
Oh, I’ve been wallowing. I wallowed all of last week. But I kept it bottled up and didn’t reach out to anyone until yesterday. Then I got a response from my stingy relatives early this morning and that’s when I posted. But then, after I posted, I felt like I could pull it together one more time and reach out to even more people, like I was on a roll. And it helped. I have to reach out sooner, but it’s hard for me because I want so much to be independent and not need anyone and it’s shameful for me to not be that way.
I am not nearly in your situation, but I can relate to this feeling. It’s tough when circumstances beyond your control put you in a situation that is so at odds with who you perceive yourself to be. You are strong and responsible, which is why you know when to ask for help when you need it. It would be irresponsible not to.
I hope you can get back on your feet soon and get the help you need, for you and your son. I wish I had advice or help to offer you, but all I have are good thoughts. Good luck.
Good thoughts help, actually. One my things in life is the feeling that I’m alone. My family kind of sucks, my kids are still young, 21 and under, I don’t have a husband. I do have friends, but you’ll only have them for so long if you ask for stuff too much. So knowing that there are actual human beings out there thinking of me and wishing me well helps me to not feel alone in the world. Thank you for telling me that.
Maybe you should sign your son up for Amazon Mechanical Turk. Give him something constructive to do, he can earn a few dollars, and it’ll keep him out of your hair while you’re looking for work.
Mooch off the neighbor’s WiFi, maybe?
Seriously, though… I don’t really have any great advice, just wanted to add my good wishes and positive thoughts to the pile. I hope it all works out.
I looked into that during our last crisis, and it just doesn’t seem feasible. His school is way out of town and he’s bussed from home, which takes forever to change and then change back, and the only family that I have here is my aunt and her pervert of a husband and they live in a retirement community, and my older sons, who are in college and don’t even support themselves yet. I can get help with him from my other family, if I move back east, as I’ve been wanting to for over a year. And I’m working on doing that just now. So for now, he’s stuck with me.
My google-fu fails me, but somewhere on this very board someone quoted what I believe was a Jewish proverb, along the lines of, “You do *me *a charitable favor by *allowing *me to help you.” But phrased more prettily.
Anyway, I dunno what the deal is with your “stingy relatives” but for the people who DO want to help you … please know that it’s 100 bazillion % OK to accept help when you need it, especially if it benefits your son. You understand wanting to help, right? If something is in your power to do something for someone you care about (or even, simply don’t dislike :)) you’d do it, right? And you’d feel bad if they didn’t let you?
So … let them.
Being independent is nice and all, but not if adhering to it makes you so pigheaded that you turn away genuine assistance. Not that you’re pigheaded, necessarily but … you know.
(Ha! I had to correct “stringy” relatives!)
