I come back. Brought pie.

I made you a pie, but I eated it.

There’s an apple tree in the back yard. The apples aren’t very good. They’re slightly sweet, not at all tart, and very small. Usually I leave them for the squirrels or else let them go wherever apples go when they fall off of the tree. But inspired by this post I’ve made my first pie. (Unless you count ‘pizza pie’, wihch I’ve made; but I don’t consider pizza a pie.) Since the apples were a bit of an unknown quantity I didn’t want to invest a lot of time, so I used frozen crust.

I used one of these to process the apples. The apples, by the way, are about the size of Roma tomatoes or small plums. Would have been too much trouble to peel them with a knife. The peeler/corer/slicer made quick work. I imagined I’d have a bunch of circular apple slices, but the slices fell apart when I put them in the bowl. Doesn’t matter, I guess.

Anyway I used Labelless’s recipe of 3/4 cups sugar, three Tbsp flour and one tsp cinnamon. I’ve just had a slice, and I pronounce it good.

Pie is good.

I salute the pie.

Mmmmmmmmmmmm, PIE.

Everybody getting stuff for Christmas,
I myself are hoping for some pie…


GIGO - garbage in, garbage out. Sugar and cinnamon will overcome a lot, but still…

Now that you’ve mastered pie, do it again with really good apples. Big, juicy, tart, sweet, crisp ones.


Come back, please, and…well, you know.

You don’t know me so there is no way for you to ever comprehend how much it pains me to say this: Martha Stewart has the best apple pie recipe extant. Even my crappy pastry skills survived it.

For your next pie, grab that can of pumpkin filling off the shelf and double the spices from the recipe on the label. You’ll thank me later.

Granny B’s secret recipe: substitute all brown sugar for the white sugar in the recipe. Yummmmmmmmmmm. Ok, I’ve let the secret out so now I have to kill you. Take a number in the squid room, please.


You forgot the butter. You need to dollop sweet butter (about a 1/4 cup) across the top of the filling and then encrypt the filling in the coffin.

I did put four pats of butter on top of the apples.

If they’re sweet, you need to cut the sugar and add lemon juice as well… also, if they’re small cut the baking time 15 minutes and raise the heat 40-50 degrees.

You want pie? You want pie??? Try my crandberry tart. It is to die for. And as I make it wearing a corset and high heels it’s definatly a tart.

They’re slightly sweet, as in ‘not very’. Not as sweet as store-bought apples. I should have raised the temperature a bit. The crust packaging said 400ºF. A recipe I found online said it should be 425º. But the top did brown. Just took longer than I thought it would.

This really was ‘as easy as pie’. I’m going to do it again. My mom used to make me a pecan pie every year. I’m going to have to learn how to do that. And of course, I’ll have to make my own crust. And meat pies. Gotta make some meat pies. And then maybe piroshkis.

As for the apples, I now know I can use them for baking. There are still many on the tree. I suppose I can bake a bunch of pies and freeze them or give them away or something. Or… I saw a juicer at BB&B. Hm… Apple juice, a little sugar, a little yeast, a little patience. I’ve never made hard cider before either. Something to look forward to next year. (And I’ll attempt to prune the tree, which I’ve heard results in better apples.)

I made some Pelmeni, inspired by Bourdain’s first Russian adventure. That Olga was all business (I don’t remember her name? Was it Olga? Sexy Woman, anyway…). Great recipe, they are easy, forgiving, and freeze well… awesome with some sour cream and pickles. The pierogi’s are good, but I’m not big on the mashed potatoes and cottage cheese, a little too bland, even for me.

That Pelmeni recipe, upon second perusal, isn’t quite right. You need a bit of oil in the dough, this is a better pelmeni recipe.

I would love to try your cramdberry tart… That’s some rack of spices you got, there.