A few months back, I got a job. I am now part of the monstrous machinery of disincentives that keep people from getting the unemployment benefits they deserve. Obviously, I hate the job. But it pays very well and I’m worried I’m not qualified for anything else.
A few months ago, my friend (I’ll call him Bill- cause that was his name died). I knew that if I didn’t help, his widow would be robbed blind selling Bill’s various collections. I haven’t had the mental energy to properly photograph, price and list things. Last night, Bill’s widow and their daughter came and took the stuff back. I’ve both failed a widow I promised to help, and screwed myself out of my share of the profits (which would have been at least $300).
I feel worthless and useless- like I’m a failed experiment. I want to stress that I am NOT a threat to myself or others.
Oh and here’s a picture of my Halloween costume.
crap Photobucket won’t let me do a direct link. Kick a man when he’s down why donthcha.
Sorry about your friend’s death, that sucks. We all let people down sometimes, and starting a new job (that you hate) at around the same time that a friend died is bound to be stressful.
You done screwed up by not helping your friend’s widow as you promised to, but that was just the one thing, and we all screw up occasionally. It does not make you worthless or useless. Figure out something nice and helpful that you can do for them now, and get it done, accompanied by a note of apology that is more about their loss and your appreciation of Bill than about your own feelings of angst and self-reproach.
You’re capable of stringing multiple sentences together coherently - trust me, there are jobs that’ll hire you.
Now that you have a job, that makes it easier. Just poke around job boards when you have a few free minutes, and see what openings might interest you. Since you’re employed, you’ve got nothing to lose.
Do something small that’s fun, just for yourself. Even if it’s just for a few minutes.
… for example, there’s a current “jokes” thread that’s good for several laughs!
I hear ya. Sorry for your friend’s death and all the other stuff giving you angst. Try not to think too hard about your friend’s widow’s things, and keep looking for another job.
Man, I think depression is becoming a pandemic and there ain’t no mask for that.
Can you offer the widow your expertise (to prevent her being robbed blind) without selling the items yourself? I’m thinking of a list of reasonable prices she should expect for the various items, or similar information. That would redeem that failure.
I did tell her the 2 Buck Rogers rayguns were worth a minimum of $200 a piece. But, there’s just so very much stuff. I don’t expect most people to be able to tell the difference between ivory, ivorex and worthless reproduction- or to know what a Stanhope is.
You know what this stuff is worth & yet you think you have no skill set to get a job ?!?
Look into working for, or with, an estate liquidator or an auction house. It sounds like something that you enjoy.
Your friend’s widow may have just flipped out a bit. She may think that she was taking advantage of you. She may not be aware that you thought from her actions that she though that you let her down. Besides grieving folk do weird stuff, do not take her actions too personally.
Grief is different for everyone of us, including you. Yes, you are allowed to grieve for Bill. Do it your way.
While that is from an SNL character, it is true. I get the feelings you do from time to time and just remind yourself of what Stuart says. Or come up with your own unique affirmation. We are who we are, but we aren’t worthless or useless. Hang in there.
Thanks folks. I’ll be starting a job search tomorrow. Halloween has lifted my spirits a bit (It always does. It’s my favorite day of the year). Also, here’s a pic of the costume I’ll be re wearing this year.
Don’t overlook temp agencies. I’ve been getting emails from every job agency I ever signed up for in the last 20 years, even though I’ve been fully employed for the last 15 years. The jobs they’re looking to fill are not chopped liver - most of them are temp-to-hire, and a good wage.
Thanks. A surprsing number of people at the Henri David Ball looked at me an shouted “Cthulhu!”. Sadly, the judges didn’t seem to recognize my costume. I swapped my ‘boots smeared with unamable substances’ for plush Cthulhu slippers a friend gave me. On the upside, Henri announced me as ‘Man holding book’ (or something like that) when I took the stage during the costume contest. So, I can take pride that I was successfully able to make the case for Twixt (A 3M book shelf board game), a cereal box, a green suede vest and the Dragon’s Eye* look like a large, old book.
The Dragon’s Eye was made by a friend. It’s an old glass marble containing uranium (no really). Uranium glass glow brightly when exposed to ultraviolet light. The marble is ringed by UV light emitting diodes. When you plug in a standard 9 volt D battery, the marble flickers like the flame in the eye of a dragon. I was humbled by the gift. But, now that I mounted the Eye in the hollow Necronomicon, it just feels right.
