Well aren’t you holier-than-thou. I’m so glad that I was judging actions, not people, so that you won’t think that I’m tacky. It must be other people.
Roddy
I’m getting married in about a year. My wife-to-be and I are around 50, and we have pretty much all the stuff we need. I don’t want any gifts. I don’t want a gift registry. I don’t want cash (well, I do, but not from the people I’m inviting to the wedding).
I would really like to say “please, no gifts” on the invitation, but unfortunately, Miss Manners doesn’t allow it.
But I really hope that no one brings any gifts. What do you suppose are the odds?
Indian weddings are huge on money, too. You can actually buy money necklaces, which are rupees strung together on a string to wear. Certain relatives are expected to take out a wad of cash and “bless” the bride and groom with it and then shower it on them.
Say “Please, no gifts” on the invitation. It’s your life, it’s your wedding, and you are the one who has to live with the aftermath. Miss Manners isn’t living your life.
This is becoming the norm for the last few weddings I have been to. People are more and more in an established household when they wed, so I have seen many variants of
If you wish to bring a gift please bring Euros/Dollars etc for use on the Honeymoon.
Not a demand for cash, just a request that if you were to bring a gift, make it cash. I do not find this tacky.
Add me to the list of people who would not dream of turning up giftless at a wedding/christening etc reception.
Is there anything wrong with “in lieu of gifts, please donate to [list of charities]”?
I’m not up on my manners guides.
There will be people who say it’s gauche because anything that hints that people generally give gifts is gauche, no matter that it reflects reality.
So, the wedding party is supposed to act almost like it’s a surprise if someone considers giving a gift to the couple. These sorts of “polite fictions” make some people feel better, but they result in the bridal couple getting gifts when they don’t want gifts. Personally, I’d rather be thought gauche than to have someone spend money on me.
Too late to edit: Personally, I’d rather be thought gauche than to have someone (often people who can’t really afford it) spend money on me for things I don’t want or need.
Both Emily Post and Miss Manners are against this. Personally, I don’t see the problem.
Isn’t a gift registry a hint that gifts are going to be given?
Sure. If you’re formal manners-wise, you don’t put this information on the invitation, either. Personally, I’ve never seen gift registry information on an invitation.
So it ‘works’ because people know to check the registry, and thus don’t have to be explicitly told to do so?
Once again, the traditional way of doing this, so far as I understand and so far as I’ve encountered in real life, is that you ask close family or friends, or you check the registries at weddingchannel.com or something like that. These days, wedding websites are also common, and it’s usually considered okay to put up that sort of information there. It’s just that if you’re following traditional etiquette rules, it’s not considered proper to mention anything about a gift in the wedding invitation. Not even “no gifts.”
We didn’t really deal with this in our family. We just got an envelope, a card, and stuck some cash in it.
I suppose in that case the answer would be to spread the “no gifts, make a donation to charity” message would be to circulate the info by these means - word of mouth, put on website, etc.
I solve this problem by asking my wife what to do, and doing it. She always knows somehow. 
Yes, that’s the “by the etiquette book” way of doing things. I don’t necessarily agree with all conventional etiquette advice, but that is what Emily Post, Miss Manners, et al., would say–at least, as far as I know. If I’m wrong, I hope somebody does correct me.