My psycho-aunt has struck again. It’s a long and convoluted story, but to make things short - she thinks everyone in the family is against her and after her inheritance (what inheritance? Grandma spent money worse than I do, and Grandpa’s money is his own that he’s earned, plus, he’s not even her father - nor is he my mother’s or the other two siblings’ father, but we love him like he was). I think she’s schizophrenic because her personality fits VERY well.
This Christmas, she’s upset everyone. She’s upset her youngest daughter, my surrogate older sister. She’s upset my other aunt. She’s upset my mother. She’s upset my cousin. She’s upset my cousin’s fiancee
Right now, my mom’s oldest sister, an alcoholic, is drinking. She gets MEAN when she drinks. I just finished a conversation with my cousin’s fiancee that should have been pleasant - and was pleasant between the two of us. However, my aunt’s in the background screaming and yelling at everyone because she’s drunk. Luckily, my cousin’s fiancee is amazing and knew not to take it personally - and managed to exert some control over my aunt. The alcohol’s hidden and she’s just going to sober up tonight. But she had been doing well with it. This just threw her right off the wagon. (And yes, I know she makes the choice to drink, but the situation pushed her into it).
Everyone’s upset. My psycho-aunt is being such a mean horrible bitch that she’s attempting to ruin Christmas for everyone. She refuses to even spend it with anyone and she’s ruining it from afar. She’s had her screaming matches with my other aunt and with her youngest daughter today, which is why they are the ones who are the most affected by it.
Fuck her. That’s it. We’ve all tried to bring her back into the family and not burn bridges, but I’ve had it. I don’t give a shit about her anymore after she’s pulled this shit on Christmas Eve. She can ruin her own fucking Christmas if she wants to, but I’ll be damned if she’s going to ruin everyone else’s. As it is, there’s a fucking pall in the house right now, and my other aunt’s daughter is so upset by her mother’s drinking that she’s been in tears.
Fuck you, you hag. Don’t expect a wedding invitation from the two of us in the family getting married next year. Don’t expect any of us ever to call to let you know good news or bad news again. I’m even past hatred with you right now…I’m at indifference. You will never do this to my family again.
James Carroll, thanks for the insight on what marriage will be like:). (Actually, I take that back…that’s more like me when I’m reading…the hubby will be the one getting mad because I’m not paying attention:)).
Stoid, yeah, you’re right. sigh. I think the problem is that I have such a great family most of the time that when things like this go wrong…it cuts everyone pretty deep. We all get dragged into it.
Whatever. I just got home from church, I feel happy and content right now, and while I normally don’t do things like this, I prayed for her. It may not do anything until she decides she wants to change, but I hope she finds peace.
Nothing like a toxic relative to engender that holiday spirit, huh?
That holiday spirit of spitting and roasting the pig over an open fire.
Ah, there’s really only one way of dealing with her, and you’re taking it – cut her right out of your life, as far as you can.
How far away from you does she live? Another town? Another state? Another country would be excellent (or better yet, planet), but hopefully it’s far enough that she can’t come stomping in on you all when she gets furious at you ignoring her.
Do you think, given the pall over the house now, that this Christmas maybe you all should, while you’re gathered together, bring this up and examine your options? Rather than let it fester unacknowledged, like the decaying corpse of that elephant in the corner. I daresay your mother and aunt don’t want to cut all ties to their sister, but for their own good (and everyone else’s) it sounds like that’s what you ALL need to do. Otherwise, if any one of you remains in touch with her, she can play her mind games to upset the whole family.
Here’s hoping your Christmas will be jolly after all.
Bahahahahahaha - I like that:). I prayed more for myself than for her, but I really do hope she finds peace. I don’t even want her to make peace with the family, I just want her to find some within herself.
EddyTeddyFreddy, I’ve cut all ties with her. I did it several years ago. The problem is, not everyone in the family has, and she manages to hurt everyone through those few people. And I can understand that - it’s my cousin’s mother, my aunt’s sister - I wouldn’t be quick to sever those ties, either.
It’s all good this morning. It’s Christmas and she can’t touch that. We’ve talked to family, and everyone’s having a nice Christmas morning.
I hope the rest of you are having a happy Christmas.
Having gone through something similar with a relative, my lesson learned is that I can’t change her, I can only change my attitude. It sounds like the woman is mentally unbalanced (paranoid, possibly bipolar). If that’s the case, then she doesn’t really understand what she’s doing. And the great pity is that most of that can be cured, comparatively easily, with medications.
If she won’t seek help, then your best recourse is to cut off ties with her. And to be sure that the others understand what’s going on, so they can make their own decisions. Those decisions may be painful, but there’s not a lot of choice. Her offenses could be forgiven and forgotten, given time, but there’s no point to forgiving or forgetting unless she’s actively seeking help.
Also, such people can turn violent and be very dangerous. Forget the fact that she’s your aunt – a psychopath is a psychopath.
Oh, yes, I understand how some in the family can’t bring themselves to (as they see it) abandon their own flesh and blood. Dex and you are right, though – you have to sever the ties, at least until/unless the psycho-relative tries to change – really tries, not just pretends in order to lure people into new mindgames.
After the horror she wreaked at this Christmas, do you think the ones keeping in touch with her can be persuaded to distance themselves also? For the good of the greater part of the family? Perhaps they would be able to do it as tough love. As long as she can throw the family into chaos, her bad behavior is rewarded (in her sick worldview). To have absolutely no (apparent) effect on anyone, to be cut off from all her sources of power over you, might be just the shock she needs to make her try to change.
Or maybe not. It sounds like she’s had decades, perhaps a lifetime, of living destructively, and I think it unlikely in the extreme she’ll change now. Still, this might be the argument you could use to help those still under her control to break free. Yeh, my feeling is that at least part of what she’s doing is her way of controlling you all.
Whatever your family chooses to do, it’s not going to be easy. I wish you the best!
