So at my job I have a couple weeks of vacation left in the year. Fine and good.
Problem is my mom is dying and only has a few months left. Also my brother’s wife had a stage 3 tear while giving birth, and she will be out of commission for a month or two with a newborn. My brother is trying to get time off work, and they are calling in various family and friends to help out (her parents and aunts/uncles, their friends, etc).
I asked for a couple of weeks of unpaid time off on top of my regular vacation to spend more time with my mom, and to also help my brother and his wife out. They told me no. The story they gave me was that there were layoffs recently, and that if I did that the company I work for could make me redundant.
I don’t know if that was a cover story or not. What especially hurt was that a few years ago my boss (who told me that) took 12 weeks of unpaid time off to be with her newborn after the birth.
I don’t know. I don’t know if I can work for a company that treats its employees like that. Am I overreacting? The problem is the market is terrible and jobs are hard to find. I’m terrified I’ll never find another decent job. And this job has various really nice perks (flex time, no traffic, decent time off compared to most jobs, ergonomically safe, etc).
In that case, decide if you want to take the risk of not having a client when you come back and then tell your home company that is a risk you’ll take.
I think you do need to leave - whether you say “fuck this” and leave with a baby at home or just start looking now with everything else going on in your life depends on how long you can last without a paycheck.
You have to take care of yourself first. Your boss saying that makes me think the company’s on shaky ground anyway. How will you feel if you don’t take the time off–plus, they’ll probably deny you your vacation time off–and the company folds the day after your mother passes? If family’s important to you, you know what to do.
Agreed. It’s impossible not to be upset when you are facing these stresses outside of work, regardless of whether their position is reasonable. But you cannot get this time back and it will be worth it to spend that time with your mom and helping your brother.
Or as mentioned, try a compromise position of half days or other part-time work.
If I were in your situation I would be pretty pissed off. It’s hard to know what you should do about it without knowing your profession, number of years experience, how much you have in savings. . .
This reminds me of something that happened with a co-worker years ago. His mother had cancer, and didn’t have much time left. He asked his boss for time off so he could be with her, and his boss told him to take a laptop with him so he wouldn’t fall behind schedule. No words of sympathy or understanding, just don’t slip the schedule. He quit not long after that. The boss really blew it - a good employee left because of the ham-handed way he was treated.
Whatever happens with your family troubles, I think you should start looking for a job now. Your management has made it clear that they don’t value you as a person or an employee, and that your company isn’t in great shape. Even if you do everything they ask, you could lose your job in another round of layoffs.
I’m really sorry about everything: your mom, your sister-in-law, your job. I know it doesn’t solve anything, but I do feel for what you and your family are going through.
I don’t know your financial situation, but I agree that you’ll never get this time back with your mother. Offer to work remotely, but spend the time with her. Quit if you have to. The job market is actually good right now. Looking 100% sucks, but it sounds like family comes first on your priority list. Make it so.
Agreed. I have a friend who is an amazingly hard worker and super ethical to a fault. Her job expected her to be available as she was sitting at her mom’s deathbed. That was the last straw and they too lost someone exceptional.
First of all, I am sorry for what your family is going through.
I am with the rest of the group here. Your mother is your number one priority.
I know that’s easy to say from here, but honestly, since you said you can financially afford to take a few weeks off without pay, then it’s well worth the risk.
Either the company isn’t doing well or they don’t appreciate you, or the boss is an asshole. Either way, it’s a sign that it’s time to step out either now or later, after you get through all this.
I am no expert, but if you ask for a leave and they say no and cut you loose, you may be eligible for unemployment compensation, as long as you can look for work while you take care of mom. If you have the mental energy, take a few hours while mom is asleep or you are at home, and update your resume. The job search is much simpler and less time-consuming these days, with sites like indeed consolidating job board information, and less actual pavement-pounding. Still not easy, and not every employer will understand your situation and wait for you, but it’s worth a shot, and good practice for when you are in a better head-space.
Actually, I’m quite frugal. I have enough saved to live a few years without a job, let alone a few months. But it is very, very hard for me to find work. I’m a good employee, but I suck at finding jobs and getting hired. That is what scares me, never finding another decent job again.
Trust me, I understand that part. I have been there, in a small market that keeps shrinking. In fact, I am there now. Every time I think I have found a forever home, they downsize, they close, or it turns out to be different than they promised. This time it’s going to be better.
Check your states unemployment rules - in some states you can get unemployment if you need to leave your job for a family emergency. That will help for six months.
Then start working your contacts - you are a hard worker, people like you - so network your way into a job “Wesley doesn’t interview well, but once we got him in we loved him.” I work with a recruiter who specializes in that sort of contract placement for developers - she’s built up a trust level with the clients and says “sometimes the best developers don’t interview well - I’ve got great reference for this guy from Superstar A and Superstar B.” You have to find someone like that (and the people who are known in your field who will vouch for you).
Sadly, you’re not the only person to have to face this. My friend had to continue working while his wife was dying from cancer because he is a manager of a five-person retail store. He worked yesterday, then went to her memorial service, and is working today as well. That’s what you have to do when you don’t have a big network to draw from.
All I can say is that Hospice is a wonderful thing.
FWIW, I don’t think you are over reacting, and I think your company is being a dick (or at least your manager is). Can you talk to your manager’s manager? Or the owner? If they are giving you the same story, I think you should tell them you are taking your leave, do what you have to, and start looking for a new job regardless. I think you are right…if they are treating you this way then they don’t seem to be a good place to work.