You also need to make sure that HE cannot see into YOUR house. Even if you have curtains drawn in your office, what about other rooms? Make sure you don’t walk around nude!!!
Yes, we have curtains in other rooms. No, we don’t walk around nude with the curtains open, though that’s long been a habit not because of Mr. Belly, but because of Requisite Little Old Stay at Home to Keep an Eye on All the Neighbors Lady as well as Very Nice Retired Couple Whose Son is a Registered Sex Offender and Still Apparently Lives with his Parents Sometimes.
You’re not going to like this solution, BUT, this is the solution that WILL WORK.
Sit your husband down and tell him everything. Yup. Fess up. Tell him THE WHOLE THING. Tell him what has been going on. Tell him about the Frenching. Tell him about your anxiety about the baby issue. Just tell him.
Then tell him that you are telling him all of this because you DON’T want to lose him or your marriage, and that you just can’t understand what is going on inside yourself. Tell him that you are telling him this because you need his help.
I’m telling you this as someone who as been married for 20 years and has gone through just about everything, on some level, that a long-term marriage can experience and still survive.
If you don’t tell him, then you are lying by omission and you are already on the path to an affair (with or without Prince Charming over there) and the eventual end of your marriage.
Right now you have a secret. You have something, well, a bit dangerous, a bit exciting, a bit of a problem. What you decide to do about it next will determine what happens after that. If you don’t bite the bullet, put it all ( and I mean ALL) on the table, then your next move will be an affair. In many ways, you’re already there. Right now, your foibles aren’t too bad and can be pretty easily forgiven. Heck, put all of the blame on Prince Charming…he caught me off guard, I didn’t know what the heck to do. ICK! Whatever. By coming clean w. Dear Hubby, that whole temptation, and the exciting fantasy behind it gets thrown out the window.
You won’t take my advice. You’ve been caught up in all of this because you want it for some reason and my advice is the only advice that will turn this mess around.
I wish you good luck.
Oh, and as far as starting a family is concerned, allowing Dear Hubby to continue to procrastinate this event WON’T WORK, and you know it. I’m married to a severe procrastinator, too. You, of course, already know how to handle him. You look him in the eye and say, “I’m 40. My chance for children is now. This has been put off long enough. I’m off to the store to get an ovulation predictor test kit and some oysters - be ready when I get home. This is no longer up for discussion” If you don’t do this, he’ll procrastinate you both right out of children.
I just meant that if you or your husband are waiting around for the right time to have a kid, it never will come. The good news is, there are a tremendous amount of people out there who end up with a kid anyway, and find out it actually was a good time. The thing is, there is no way to comprehend what it is like having a child until you have one.
I was high risk, advanced maternal age, blah blah blah. We had an AFP test to see if my child had Downs. The two weeks we waited for the results, we considered what our options would be if our baby did have Downs. Now? It wouldn’t be an issue. We now understand that however our child turned out, we’d love it.
I hope you find the answer you need. May I suggest marital counseling? I wish we would have done it, and I’m currently looking for one. The one thing that can see you through about anything is a solid foundation in your marriage. Your husband being away so long is probably enough to warrant a reconnect with assistance. I doubt it could hurt.
Good luck. I wish you the best.
Just be prepared that if you push him with such an ultimatum, he may push back with an answer of “no”. At which point, you seriously have to consider if this is the right relationship.
To no one in particular, I would like to point out that the OP title was “Steel my resolve,” not “Stop me from what I’m about to do.”
No, I don’t have a secret. I already did sit him down and tell him all of this. The only thing I haven’t told him is that I felt tempted *again *the other night. Fessing has already been upped. The last time we talked about The Baby Issue was, let me see, I think exactly two weeks ago at about this time of day.
I got this far. I didn’t say this next bit you recommend, because I don’t work that way.
And he may yet, because when I said the first part, he said, and I’m paraphrasing, “I wouldn’t be me if I could just say yes to this right now. I just can’t.” And I know he’s right, although I *do not like it, *no, not one bit. If he’s able to come around, he’ll come around soon – like in the next six months – but me pressing him even harder won’t help, if our history is a guide. If he’s not able to come around, then he’s not, and we won’t have kids. I will be sad, but not as sad as I’d be if I’d forced parenthood on him.
Thank you. I think I’ll need it.
Oh, OK. I really misunderstood your first post. Yeah, that’s what I think, too. I *am *going to have to press him on this. But I’ll do it in the way I think will work, which is a little slower than “be ready when I get home tonight.”
Sure. We know we need it.
Thank you, very much.
Has your husband talked with any of his friends about this? One thing I’ve learned is you’re never ready to be a parent, you’re never convinced you’ll be good enough. Sometimes you just have to take the leap of faith and dive in. Almost any parent will tell him this.
You’ve expressed your feelings on this to him. Bravo. Now it’s time for his peers to tell him how rewarding parenting can be. That’s what’s going to make a difference to him.