I hate when I’m online, talking to my friends, because it’s a lot cheaper than long distance. I’m in the middle of gossiping, flirting, whatever, with the people I know in real life, or I choose to talk to anyways. IM box appears.
Random Internet dude: Hey, what’s up?
Pammi: Do i know you?
RID: no, but do you wanna chat?
Pammi: not really. i’m busy, sorry
RID: what do you look like?
RID: do you have a pic?
Pammi: i’m really ugly, and i don’t have a pic
RID: why not?
Pammi:because i’m ugly.
RID:do you want to cyber?
Pammi: no.
{cancels IM box}
RID: hello? r u there?
RID: hello? did i make you mad?
RID: fine, be a bitch. bye.
I’m a bitch because I don’t want to talk to a guy I don’t know, who’s probably an asshole anyways? Yeah, okay. Grr…blocking people is such a nuisance, too. Why can’t people just get a fucking clue?
ahh…the random IMer…sometimes they turn out ok, but most other times, they’re a total waste of time, so instead of Ignoring them i have a little fun with em…here is an ex:
Random IMer:Hi…a/s/l
me: oh yeah…thank god you IMed me…gettin kinda horney
IMer:oh…really?
me:yeah…so you mind pretending to be a school boy…short shorts…suspenders and all?
IMer:…you gay or somethin?
me:…noo…i just like school boys…what’s the big deal?
IMer:ummm
me:ok…so you’re staying afterclass…and i’m your strong willed math teacher…with uncontrolable lust for young flesh
Imer:yeah…i gtg
Me;…oh that’s too bad…hope we can talk again
“User() did not recieve your last message
User Logged Off”
I have a pretty good acid test for random IMers. If they are IMing to talk about my name (Medea’s Child) they can’t suck too much. I met a great philosophy partner (Agamemnon) that way.
As soon as “a/s/l?” comes up they get scooted to the “toy” pile. First, all of those stats are listed in my profile. Do some looking, perv. Secondly, anyone who I’m going to be facinated by probably doesn’t have hangups about talking to anyone of a specific gender or from a specific spot. (And if you are close to me, no I’m not going to meet you for coffee)
My favorite recently was the guy who didn’t even pretend he wasn’t a random perv.
RP: Can I see your pussy?
Me: Why?
RP: Pics, do you have any pics of your pussy?
Me: Yes, I do.
RP: Send them to me.
Me: Okay give me a minute…
(Kathryn retitles a picture from kitty16.jpg to pussy.jpg and uses one of her little used accounts to send it on)
Me: Should be there. Enjoy.
…
RP: I think you made a mistake…
Me: Nope.
RP: I’m serious, I think you sent the wrong picture.
(Kathryn laughs happily and adds idiot to ignore list)
Amateurs. I love getting random IM’s from 15-year-old girls who have no idea I’m queer. Their little faces contort when I say, “I’m a 32-year-old gay man.” Don’t these kids have Barbies to play with or something? Sheesh.
I also evidently have another AOL screen name that is similar to some woman who seems to have lots of friends, because I get a lot of IM’s and e-mail for her. It all gets deleted. I love it when they get mad when it’s not her - if you’d learn how to spell her fucking screen name right, maybe you wouldn’t keep fucking up, Einstein.
Ah, the Random IM. Not so random, of course; all a male needs to see is a remotely female nickname! For years, I have heard complaints by female friends about these losers.
“I have been talking to this guy for like 2 hours and he won’t leave me alone!”
Well of course he won’t! You’re talking to him! So then you suggest to the person that maybe she shouldn’t, you know, bother talking to him if, you know, she doesn’t wanna talk to him. And what does she say?
“But I don’t wanna hurt his feelings!”
So what I always tell 'em is that there’s no reason on Earth why she should feel bad about this fella. It’s not as if he’ll be devastated if you’re not talking to him - there are millions of females online, and he’ll just zip over to someone else who might give him what he wants. Plus, he’s not looking out for your best interests! He doesn’t care a whit about you! Why would you care about him?
Of course, then you get the guys who are (as in the OP) absolutely indignant that some female would deign NOT to talk to them! (The horror!) But luckily, whether you’re on IRC or using an instant messenger, there are ways to block or ignore someone.
You can set it up like that for Yahoo’s Messenger, but I don’t think AOL’s Instant Messenger (AIM) will. But if you’re using AOL itself or AIM and a person who is NOT on your buddy list sends you an IM, a window will come up saying something like “So and so is sending you a message. Accept? <Y/N>” So if you don’t recognize it, you can hit N and be done with it. Of course, with 11 million or so people using AOL or AIM every day, even if someone took the trouble to look through a list of who was online just to IM a person randomly, the chances of them finding you are very, very slim indeed.
I used to get these morons in chatrooms. I would have a code, that if you clicked on it, Netscape would crash.
Teehee!
So I’d be like, sure, but here are some hot sexy pics of me first!
They’d click, and have to log back in and I’d tell them what I did…their answer:
“You dumb/fat/ugly/lesbo/hag/bitch/skank…etc etc.”
My point: Um, if I’m such an ugly fat whore/skank/slut/loser…then how come YOU’RE the one who needs a computer to get laid?
On AIM, under “controls,” set your preferences to “only accept from members on my Buddy List” (or some such language - it’s on the top left of the screen), and on the bottom left of the screen select the radio button that sez “Nothing about me.” Then the random pervs can’t find you (of course, neither can your new friends until you add them to your buddy list, but small tradeoffs like that are a part of life).
I’ve had my AIM set up this way for the last nine months, and I never get a message from someone I don’t know/don’t want to talk to. Unfortunately, I don’t think you can do this with the regular AOL IM; or at least I don’t know how to prevent it.
Now, if someone could just create something like this for RL situations. I mean, what part of I’m sitting on an exercycle reading a book with headphones on says “I’d like to talk to any strange man over 60 that walks by”?*
*[sub]Note: I have nothing against men over 60. Just don’t bug me at the gym![/sub]
