I thought when I left mainstream religion I would be able to get away from having to hold hands in a group chain to prove some sort of communal values or ???
But no, ocasionally it still happens.
“Let’s all hold hands and ____________.”
Weddings, funerals, ???
I mean, WTF? Does holding other peoples hands really mean anything? Does it somehow project a sense of well-being and “I’m OK, you’re OK too!” type feelings? “We’re in this life together! Let’s hold hands!” :dubious:
I’m a very affectionate guy. I touch, I hug, I shake hands, I do all of that. But it is one-on-one and I use it to develop a rapport with the other person. It is something I control and can increase or decrease as the situation warrants. But these group hand holding things (especially the ones where you are supposed to cross your arms!) just irk the heck out of me.
You shouldn’t complain. No one at any chain restaurant ever even thought of singing “Happy Birthday” to me. They never remember my birthday. And yet, I still go back every year, hoping that someone there will suddenly burst into song.
I’ve only come across this practice a couple of times, but I dislike it and won’t do it. When I’ve been at something where someone has suggested “let’s all hold hands” I’ve simply said “no thanks”.
Besides the personal-space issue, this is especially irritaiting because it’s always part of a social event. And then I’m unable to comfortably and conventionally socialize (conversation, not hand-holding, hugging, stroking, grooming for lice, etc.) because of the claxon going off in my head “WASH YOU HANDS NOW”
In the Catholic Church, it is a fad in a lot of places to hold hands when we say the Lord’s Prayer (in our parish, one of the priests tells everyone to do it, even though he technically isn’t supposed to). My husband and I always sit in these pews in the back that are short, so no one sits with us, and therefore we don’t have to deal with it. Makes me extremely uncomfortable. Don’t know where all this touchy-feely stuff has come from, but I wish it would stop!!!
I don’t like any sort of enforced physical contact with strangers. My father attends a sort of hippie, new-agey church of some variety or another, and a couple times as a kid I attended for various reasons. There’s one point in the service where everyone has to hug the people nearby . . . and I absolutely dreaded it. Ugh. I don’t like having that degree of physical intimacy with people who aren’t close friends.
That kind of thing has colored my view of new age religion; despite the claims that these groups are all about people doing their own thing and not being “oppressed” by mainstream religion ( :rolleyes: ), the social pressure to conform in those groups seems to me to be just as strong. And if you don’t want to hug a bunch of random strangers, it’s not your personal preference - it’s a sign that you’re not “open” or full of “lovingkindness” or something. (Yes, they actually use this word. I think it has its origin in translations of a Buddhist mantra or something like that. The strip-mining and exoticizing of other cultures is another thing I don’t like about new age religion. Sorry, this is all completely irrelevant to the discussion, isn’t it?)
My job had us all hold hands in a circle when the 9/11 deal was going on, for a moment of silence or something. I was too new to refuse, which I would do now if a similar situation arose. Holding hands with the weirdo who sits by me was not something I want to do again.
My home parish church luckily doesn’t do this, but I’ve been to other Catholic churches where this was the custom. I simply don’t like it and don’t want to do it. Most Catholics seem to realize that it’s not a universal custom, and I’ve never been hassled or felt like an odd man out for not participating.
Doesn’t it make you long for the days when women wore gloves to church? If you were a woman you were home free, and nobody was going to germ you up. If you were a man, you just had to sit with a woman on either side or take your chances.
I’d wear gloves out in public now if it wouldn’t look so weird with the rest of my ensemble: a tank top and ill-fitting, paint-stained shorts.
Well, maybe it is a little bit of a tangent, but it is interesting to think about where all this touchy-feely stuff is coming from. The borrowing from other cultures is part of the reason that it irritates me at Mass. What is supposed to happen during mass is a very specific, ritualized set of events. There is a long document that lays it all out. This hand-holding thing is most decidedly NOT in there. So…why is it being done? One theory I have is that it is being “borrowed” from the kind of churches that you describe your father being a member of (or, more likely, those giant non-denominational big-box churches where they have slideshows and “liturgical dance” incorporated into the service…other things some of the more freewheeling Catholic parishes are doing.) People like the casual, touchy-feely atmosphere of those kinds of churches, and so they try to translate it into the much more formalized ritual of the Catholic Church. Well, you know what? That church’s culture is one thing, and the Catholic culture is another thing! You don’t have to mishmash everything together until you can’t distinguish one from the other anymore! This is probably more of what irritates me about it than the actual hand-holding itself.
I agree, people are usually pretty cool about it…I usually just fold my hands if there is someone next to me. But if I don’t do it fast enough, and someone grabs my hand, I am pretty much stuck, aren’t I? And, in addition to what I said above, it irritates me that it is getting to just be assumed that it is the proper thing to do during the Our Father…I mean, when the priest TELLS you to do it, then it is pretty much a done deal, right?
Now if I could find a church that didn’t have all of it’s masses be long singing/musical events I’d be thrilled.
I like a simple spoken service, with a short & to the point sermon.
I’m not big on popular music, much less music done by amateurs. I understand that some people really get a lift from the experience that music brings, but does it have to be at all masses???
I miss the church in the town next to where I grew up. Full house, and the priest could do a mass, including communion in about 35 minutes. His sermon was better than those in masses that lasted over an hour. More words doesn’t make a better message.
I agree with you on that last part. According to the GIRM, though (General Instruction of the Roman Missal), there IS supposed to be music at Mass, even the Psalm is supposed to be sung rather than read.
Although I must admit, I like going to daily mass, as they are short & sweet, as you describe!
[QUOTE=Sarahfeena]
I agree with you on that last part. According to the GIRM, though (General Instruction of the Roman Missal), there IS supposed to be music at Mass, even the Psalm is supposed to be sung rather than read.
