Look, I’m absolutely not saying that there’s anything particularly horrible or evil about having “very negative feelings about [your] offspring.” But please don’t generalize; your parenting experiences are not the same as everyone else’s parenting experiences, and you don’t get to speak on behalf of every parent.
I, myself, have never had the urge to tape my daughter’s mouth shut, bash her head against a wall, or what have you - not even during the 3:00AM feedings. I am neither a saint nor lying.
There’s one (and only one) course of action parents of infants can take to avoid dangerous or “undependable” day care service: one parent has to stay at home to raise the child (until at least the age when the child can communicate). You don’t want a binky taped to your kids cheeks? Stay home. You think you’re going to find someone who cares for (or even knows) your child as well as you do for 40 or more hors a week? You won’t. Stay home. “But we need the extra income.” Too bad. Either cut back- or don’t have children or expect to pay others to raise them.
You are honestly saying - here in a message board where no one knows you, but many people can learn - that you never once thought violent thoughts about/toward your child? I am not saying you acted upon those thoughs - but can you say to other people who might be dealing with thoughts they don’t want to act on - you never thought it?
That works well for 2-parent families; and I support that wholeheartedly. The sad truth is that lots of single parents don’t have that luxury.
To turn back to the OP: yes, that was not a Good Thing for daycare workers to do. We recently had a case here in the Delta where a daycare worker left an infant on the van all day in the heat … the child died. It’s an extremely thorny issue on all sides.
snakescatlady I think some parents are blessed with easy children and don’t go thru that. OTOH I might be naive on that one.
Nope, never had that thought. And I’ve got 3 kids, the youngest are twins. I never had that thought even when I’d be up at 2:00 am in the NICU trying feeding therapy on a comatose asleep new born. and I work a pretty high pressured job that is way more than 40 hours asleep.
My situation is different because we also have live in help, and I did not experience months and months of sleep deprivation like many parents.
I’ve had violent thoughts when my daughter tests my patience to the limit. I have thought of jumping off the roof myself. That’s how it goes for me.
It’s not something that comes up that often. I am grateful my daughter is an angel (of sorts), and since I REALLY can’t handle any more kids I won’t have any more. Luckily I also have a cleaning lady that comes every day, and a husband that absolutely adores the little brat.
But yes, you get all kinds of crazy ideas when your child decides to cry her head off (something that happened only a few times when she was a newborn), or decide to paint the house with yogurt. In my case the ideas are usually in the form of wishes for the deity I don’t believe in to strike me with a lightning bolt.
The idea of hurting her, or someone hurting another child just makes me sick. However I believe is not so much what you think in the heat of the moment that counts, it’s what you *do *what counts. I haven’t jumped off the roof y’know?
Violent thoughts? Bashing the kids head in and all?
Quite honestly, no, not really. Now that the subject has been brought up no doubt I’ll think about it, in a “don’t think of pink elephants” sort of way - but so far, not seriously.
We’ve certainly had exasperating experiences - the crying for hours during teething and such - But then again, we have a live-in nanny. That helps to avoid desperation.
Maybe these thoughts will surface when he’s a bit older and able to do bad stuff, lie, and trash the car.
This cracked me right up. I haven’t done the broom chasing (yet) but we had a particularly awful day recently. One of those days where the only words out of your mouth are, “Stop! Sit! Be quiet! Put that down! What are you doing?!?” My son pushed his sister into the coffee table, and sent a glass candleholder shattering on the floor. At the sound of the broken glass they both froze, and looked up at me. I felt the rage of a million suns coursing through my veins. I looked at them, and very quietly said, “Both of you. Go to your rooms. Now.”
Their eyes bugged out; it was as if I had threatened to beat them and lock them in a closet. They scattered to their rooms, and were completely silent for almost two hours. I guess the preservation instinct is real.
I know this sounds “no true Scotsman”-y, but that’s different. You’re worried about your child’s life, you’ll do anything and be into it. I’m talking a perfectly healthy child who just won’t be quiet even though there’s nothing wrong. Or a child who is being disobedient just because they can.
I think the issue is that we are talking about different stages in a child’s life.
From what it sounds, parents are chiming in with examples of “bad behaviour” that causes them to think violent thoughts and “chase the kids around with a broom” or “order them to their rooms”.
But such kids are of course much older than those who were put at risk by having pacifiers taped to their mouths. Such are pretty clearly infants. You don’t, if normal, chase infants around with a broom or order them to their rooms - because they can neither run nor understand.
The key difference is this: an infant cries or acts up because it has no choice. An infant cannot be malicious, for it knows nothing of malice. It may seem malicious to an adult, but such is surely projection - an infant doesn’t have the concious ability to choose between acting good or bad.
On the other hand, a child does. Thus when a child acts up, it is at least in part a choice on their part to do so. Anger on the part of a parent at such acting up (at least to an extent) is both normal and healthy, as in young children the only way they learn the difference between acting good and bad is by reacting to parental approval or disapproval.
In contrast, anger on the part of a parent at a newborn infant “acting up”, while I guess natural for many, isn’t really useful in the same way. It serves no purpose, for no amount of parental anger can influence a baby to not cry, poop, or do other stuff a parent may not like.
It’s an extremely thorny issue on all sides.