I don't wanna talk, how do I say goodbye?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Boy oh boy does my girlfriend like to talk on the phone. Now, I love her with all my heart, but there are some days that I am just not in the mood to have an hour long conversation. It’s nothing against her, and it’s not that I don’t think she doesn’t have anything interesting to say. It just sometimes I don’t want to talk into a piece of plastic that I have to hold against my ear for an hour.

Whenever I tell her that I am just “not in the mood” to talk, she gets all upset, and seems to take personal offense to it, even though its not her at all. It’s the idea of talking on the phone that turns me off. If she was there right in front of me, I would talk to her into the wee hours of the morning, but that’s not the case. But there is just something do unfullfilling about talking on the phone, and frankly, I just don’t want to sometimes. But the fact that she gets upset about it frustrates me, because it makes me feel guilty, and makes me feel as if I have to have an excuse to get off the phone…

What would/do you guys do in a situation like that?

2

I got stuff that I need to do I can’t answer your post at this time. can i post later?

3

You could get a headset, then you wouldn’t have to hold the phone to your ear. You could even fall asleep while using it! :slight_smile:

4

I was gonna answer this post, but someone’s at the door, you’d better try again later.

5

sorry I had to go earlier but there’s something you need to understand and not be hurt over. sometimes I just want some solitude and not be at this keyboard all day, also there’s stuff around here that I need to do. O-kay honey-bunch?

6

Well, you could just…
OH! the cat’s got it!..
<click>

7

Have you tried explaining it to her as you did to us in this post? If I was her I would consider that pretty reasonable. However my boyfriend hates the phone so much that I’ve never actually talked to him on it, so maybe I am already adjusted to the idea of not talking to one’s SO on the phone.

8

Why not reserve a special ‘phone time’ just for her?
Find out when she most enjoys talking to you on the phone, if you don’t already know, and tell her that you’ve reserved that time in your day just for her.
That way if she calls at another time and you’ve got other things to do, you can say, “Wow, you’re calling early today. I’ve got to finish up some stuff before I can relax with you. Can you call me back at our usual time?”

9

Do you have call waiting? You could pretend to get beeped and then say that it is someone calling long distance on the other line and that you have to go. I have used that one a couple times on my overly talkative friend. She doesn’t seem to have caught on. It works pretty well.

10

Is this a long-distance relationship? If not, why don’t you ask her to come over? It’s a lot more fun to talk in person.

In my opinion, it’s not a good idea to use lame excuses as to why you need to get off the phone. We women are astute enough to know when we’re being blown off, and it could cause trouble in your relationship. I know sometimes you just don’t feel like chatting, but realize she loves you, and talking to you is probably something she’s looked forward to all day. She’s probably been storing up things she wants to say to you in her head all afternoon. It’s actually pretty flattering.

11

Just tell her what you told us in the post: namely, that you really don’t like talking on the phone.

I have the same problem with talking online. While I’ll do it to pass the time a lot, there are sometimes times when I really, REALLY just don’t want to be distracted, or don’t want to have to type. Then, I just tell the person I’m talking to that I either am not in the mood to talk, or that they should call me. Fortunately, this doesn’t happen very often, but when it has, they’ve been understanding…

12

Oh!–and do NOT blow her off using fake excuses. Like Lissa said, most of us wimmins’ll catch on pretty darn quick. And then will be pissed right the heck off. Those kind of things are good for the rare, “I’m just not in a talk-y” mood, not an ongoing, “I don’t like talking on the phone” deal.

13

The only reason women can tell when a man is making up excuses is because most men are lousy at it. Here’s how it needs to be done.

If you get to a point in the conversation where you’re bored, and something just happens to come up, it’ll be ridiculously transparent. However, if you tell her at the start of the conversation that you might have to go for some specific reason, and if you wait until the conversation is actually kind of good, particularly if you yourself are showing interest in it, and then say “Oh shoot! I have to go. We’ll continue this later. Can’t wait to talk to you again!” then she’ll completely buy it. Good luck!

14

In a relation you need to make compromises, that means you need to do things you don’t want to do. Now, if you just don’t want to talk - as opposed to having some pressing matter to attend to - you shouldn’t just blow your SO off. Really most of the time when a woman talks she just needs a sympathetic listener. You don’t have to talk 95% of the time.

You can get a headset (or put on the speakerphone if you are alone in the house) so you can do something light while listening to her.

15

Send her a copy of this single.

16

She needs to be told, clearly and directly that you are a guy. Guys are not wired the same as women. Even better if someone else can explain this to her.

I think it is quite unreasonable to expect gender based behavior to be significantly modified just because you are in a relationship.

Have her watch “The Man Show” a few times and explain to her that it is a really funny show from your perspective. (Or Dave Berry books or whatever is your thing.)

Do not lie to her, make up false excuses etc. Dishonesty never works in relationships.

17

Yes, I have told her directly about this, and she doesn’t seem to understand it well. I’m not going to lie to her about it, because that would make me feel bad, plus it’s the wrong thing to do. I just don’t understand why she can’t just let it be sometimes… why does it have to be a big deal that I don’t want to talk? Why do I have to have a reason?

Oh yeah, and she likes the Man Show. :wink:

18

I’m presuming the telephone isn’t the only contact the two of you have.

I’m probably every man’s dream in that I’m absolutely NOT a phone person. I HATE being on the phone. Even on a cordless phone, I feel trapped and stuck, and anything I have to say to someone I can say in five minutes, or tell them when I see 'em. If a partner got pissy about me not wanting to talk on the phone after I made it clear how I feel, then that person is not respecting my feelings.

Just get off the phone when you’re ready to and don’t let her guilt trip you. Keep your boundaries firm. She’ll eventually accept that you care about her even though you’re not for lengthy phone conversations.

19

Have you talked to her about it in person, not just when you are on the phone and you don’t want to be? You need to bring this up when the two of you are snuggled up in bed together, you’ve just had wonderful intimate sex, you’re feeling totally in sync with each other and totally confident in each other and in the relationship. Then, in this cozy, safe atmosphere you say this:

"You know, it really worries me sometimes that I hurt your feelings when I want to get off the phone. You know I’d rather talk to you than anyone else in the world, and I hate the idea of you thinking I have any sort of problem with you or that I don’t like to talk to you–I do. I’m just weird about phones. I don’t know if it’s because I rely so much on body language to comunicate, or because the stupid thing hurts my ear, or what, but sometimes when we are talking on the phone my irritaiton at the stupid phone–not at you, babe, never at you–just builds up and takes over and I’m not even paying attention to you anymore, I’m just irrated by the damn phone. When that happens I try to get off the phone as quickly as possible before I end up taking all that irritaiton out on you. "

Second, whenever you do get off the phone with her, make definite arrangements about when you will talk to her again–this just takes a second: “I’ll see you tonight around 7, right?” or “Call me back at 6, ok?” or “What time are you coming over tonight?”. This will help with a lot of her anxiety–it’s a way of showing that you are looking forward to seeing her later.

Third, every once in a while, call her. Do it at a time when oyu only have a minute, and say you were just calliung to say Hi. Remember, you want her to accept that you hate the phone even if she dosen’t understand why you hate the phone. In the same way, you need to accept that phone contact is important to her even if you don’t understand why. A short “I just wanted to say hi” call every other day will establish this.

Last, don’t do the “we guys” thing: it doesn’t matter what “guys” like or how “guys” are wired: what matters is what you like, how you are wired. When you talk about what “guys” are like you sort of imply that it is something she should have already known, like you are chiding her for a breach in etiquitte. It’s ok to have your own preferences–whether or not you share them with other men is irrelevant and potentially distracting.