I hate it, hate it with a passion my inhability to mantain a phone conversation!.
I just talked on the phone with my girlfriend in Thailand and half the time I was just mumbling and most of the other half I couldn´t even do that.
AARRRGGGGHHHH!!!
I don´t understand it, I´m a very outspoken person, I talk at total ease face to face, I´ve even given a good number of TV interviews without a problem and usually with a commendation, for Pete´s sake… but as soon as I have a phone in my hands I de-evolve to some niche between anemones and jellyfish, I start glurging uninteligible sounds and exclamations. :smack:
The phone is just a terrible way to communicate for the purpose of sustaining a relationship. Hard to be intimate when you can’t see the other person’s face. However, I suspect your anxiety is not from your phone insufficiency per se-- it’s probably more a function of missing your GF, feeling like the phone is your sole connection to her, and the pressure of making your convos carry the entire weight of your interaction with her. Thus, you feel crappy and weird when you get off the phone, like you screwed up and it wasn’t good enough.
I know how you feel, having been in a 2 year long distance relationship a time ago. It’s difficult. Try not to fret over it so much. I’m sure it went better than you think it did. You could write her a letter now to get across what you wanted to say on the phone but don’t feel you got across, then either mail it or read it to her next time you call.
I’m from Spain, therefore I talk with my hands. You do not need to see my hands in order to understand what I’m saying (I’ll say “go right” and point right, not “thataway” and point), but I do need to be able to move my hands in order to talk. I can talk without moving my forearms, but the hand itself needs to be free.*
In that job we often had several-hour-long phone calls, so headsets were considered “Personal Protection”, you got your own on your first day at the office. Look and behold, now that my hands were free, I could talk!
Try a headset, even if you’re not Hispanic or Italian you may move your hands more than you think.
I think some of us just have phone problems. I can make business calls ok, but once it’s a personal call, I totally can’t handle it. I’ve said more stupid things on the phone than I can count. Words just come out of my mouth that make no sense and/or make me sound like an idiot. I’ve had more people say “Are you ok?” on the phone than any other time/place. It’s so frustrating.
I can’t offer any help/suggestions; just know you’re not alone.
i just plain HATE the phone, after dealing with idiots incapable of operating any machine simpler than the wheel or a lightswitch for 8 hours a day, the last thing i want to do is deal with the stupid phone on my time…
the ringer on my phone at home is turned off, and i let my answering machine (with appropriate hostile “greeting”*) screen all my calls, honestly, my first instinct on hearing the phone ring is to wish i had my .357 Magnum with me so i could ventilate the phone
(*the answering machine message has me saying in a low, angry, guttural voice “you know the routine, leave a message”, my voice has this “there better be a frakking good reason for you disturbing me” sound to it, thankfully, not many people leave messages, they just hang up, which is what i want)
I despise phones too; I have a reputation for sounding angry on the phone, even though I feel like I’m talking the same way. I suspect it’s a function of what’s been mentioned above- my voice sounds angry normally, which is mitigated by facial expressions and gestures.
Same here. Only in my case, it’s not how I talk, but how I operate them.
I’ve had cell phones for the past three years, and I still forget to push the button to answer. I still forget to hit SEND after I dial a number. It took me forever to figure out how to retrieve voice mail. I kept getting my voice speaking the greeting. what the hell??? Oh, pound sign + password. wtf was my password?
One cell phone I had would occasionally make high-pitched beeps. I kept trying to answer it, but to no avail. One day at work a tech chick was demonstrating how to send text messages. She sent one to my phone. BEEBEEP BEEP BEEBEEP! I told her “I’ve been hearing that beep for years. What is it?” “I just texted you,” she replied. All these months somebody had been texting me and I never realized.
Me, too. I think of phone-inhibition as mostly a male problem. 99 times out 100, when the phone rings at home, I’ll let my wife answer it. Mostly it’s for her anyway, which goes without saying. Even at work, I’d much rather send an e-mail than pick up the phone.
I use headphones and a stand alone microphone for the calls (via Skype, you wouldn´t belive the obscene rates for international calls from here), but you´re right, I gesture a lot; blame it on my job, I animate cartoons so I tend towards flamboyant body language displays.
The problem with phone[conversation]s is that they eliminate that element which allows one to be outspoken and at ease with people face to face…
Namely the non-verbal element. Most people do not realize that when two people are ‘talking’ most of the communication is happening non-verbally (and sub-consciously). It is why there is such a thing as ‘comfortable silence’ (which is not possible over the phone).
