A little background: I got married June 24, acquired a new husband and an 11-year-old stepdaughter. We are about to enter a very rough period at work, working 12 hours a day, 6 days a week starting the middle of September for about 77 days. A very stressful time for everyone. I wanted to wait until the first of the year to get married, but he wanted to do it in June so I relented.
I’ve already started working the 12 hours a day, trying to get myself in the mode of getting up earlier, working longer, and getting home later. So I’m not the perkiest peacock in the flock. Mother-in-law calls, hubby answers the phone. They talk about ten minutes, he passes the phone to the stepdaughter and she talks with her about 10 minutes and then the stepdaughter tells the mother-in-law just a minute and hands the phone towards me. I tell the stepdaughter that I’m busy and can’t talk at the moment. She gets back on the phone with mother-in-law and relates that I’m busy and can’t talk. Mother-in-law says, ‘well tell her I love her too’ and hangs up. Is she pissed? being sarcastic? being serious or what?
Father-in-law calls back in about 30 minutes and wants to talk to me, he’s found out he’s diabetic and since I am too he wants to discuss it. No problem. I’ve had time to relax a little and I can take a break. I guess that’s the reason the mother-in-law wanted to talk to me, but she wouldnt’ call me back, she had him call himself.
My first instinct is to just pass it off and act like nothing has happened. I have a feeling this is gonna happen again in the months to come, because I hate talking on the phone and when she calls she wants to speak to everyone. Should I just bite the bullet and talk to her every time or take my chances if I don’t want to talk and piss her off unintentionally? I don’t usually care what people think, but it’s in the family and I guess I need to adjust my attitude.
Would you question yourself if you had been unable to talk because you were on the toilet? If whatever you were doing was of equal importance or urgency to being on the toilet, then you were too busy to talk.
Try to take the time to speak to both of them next couple of chances you get. It will work wonders towards smoothing things over - I’d wager MIL would be more likely to let the last time pass in this situation. Of course, you could have Mr. U talk to his mom and let her know what the real situation is.
The next time she calls, I’d just say something like “Sorry I was too busy to talk last time. I was in the middle of [insert little white lie here].”
I believe in smoothing over the little things whenever possible, before they hit critical mass and become a big deal. That’s just my advice, though. YMMV.
In the future, bite the bullet and talk to her for a couple minutes. If possible, answer the phone so that you can say something like “I’m in the middle of [insert another random little white lie here], but [hubby, stepdaughter] really wants to say hi. Here you go…”
Then, one day when you’re making conversation face-to-face, casually mention that you don’t like talking on the phone. I don’t like the phone either, so I make a habit of casually mentioning this to new acquaintances. Usually, I say something like “I like my phone conversations like I like my visits to the shopping center. I quickly take care of whatever business I need to, and then I’m outta there.”
Talk to her every once in awhile. Keeping the relationships smooth makes things go better. Don’t worry about this once, just mention you were busy when she called, and wasn’t later. Don’t lie anymore than necessary.
Actually, there’s a hint in there. When you realize that she’s calling, head for the loo. You’re safe in there from outside interference - it’s where I do most of my reading.
If it was me, next time she called, I’d yell from across the room (loudly enough to be heard over the phone), “Tell her I love her, but can’t talk now.”
The next time, same deal, “Please tell her I adore her but am too busy to get to the phone.”
And so on, and so on, you get the idea. It would become a game after a couple of times.
It could become fun for the both of you in no time.
Just my opinion.
Yeah. You blew it. Unless you were putting out a stove fire a call from a newly minted relative (esp MIL) needs to be answered ASAP. If you and the MIL both knew each other better/longer or were otherwise more intimate you could probably get away with what you said, but if I was on the other end of the phone being “re-scheduled” by my new DIL who is in the same immediate vicinity as the rest of the family, it would possibly come off as somewhat curt behavior on her part unless there was something pretty red-light critical she was doing.
My advice is: bite the bullet. A small sacrifice for family unity.
Some people are very uptight about phone ritual, including my MIL. Every week we are treated to a 45 minute dissertation on everything that has happened to everybody a) in her small town and b) where she works (next big town over.) Keep in mind that we know none of these people. Then there is the ritual asking of how we are doing, and if we do not provide sufficent detail there is the ten-minute-long ritual gentle rebuke, then the ritual of “I love you,” “I love you, too.” “Take care!” “Yeah, you too.” “Good-bye.” “Good-bye!”
Mute with closed-caption is my friend.
Sounds like you get off the hook after just ten minutes! Lucky dog. Take a few minutes to talk to the woman.
If the phone calls are a regular thing, maybe you can make a preemptive strike and call her when you do have the time to talk. I’m sure she’d be thrilled–or maybe you’ll catch her in the middle of something, and she’ll be more sympathetic in the future.
