So, today was my daughters sixth birthday, and we had a sleepover party. We went and picked up two of her cousins and had 5-6 of the neighborhood kids over. The party started at 6PM and the kids are to be picked up by 11AM.
My mother in law calls at 7:30 pm, to talk to my wife and daughter. We were in the middle of the party and we just announced that it was cake time. After talking to my wife for a few minutes, and my daughter for a few more, and then each of my neices for a few minutes too, my wife gets back on the phone with her. By this time, the kids are getting really antsy for cake and my wife is trying to go. Finally, I call for my wife and she says she will be right there.
At this point, my mother in law starts saying stuff about how sorry she is to be intruding on our party, and how she won’t keep us if we don’t want to talk to her. She really lays the guilt trip on my wife. It takes her about 10 more minutes to get off the phone, and things were still tense between them when she hung up.
Who the HELL would call in the middle of a childs birthday party, and expect to be able to talk for 20 minutes or more? I can sort of see calling to wish her happy birthday, since she lives 800 miles away, but in my opinion, even that should have been done earlier in the day. And to get that pissed off and hurt about it is even more rediculous.
So now my wife is mad at me for rushing her to get off the phone, and complaining about her mom, again.
GRRRRRR
That is all, I know it’s not much of a rant but I needed t get it off of my chest.
And if you have cake-o-phobia, why couldn’t YOU say to your wife ‘let me speak to your mother’, and then you could have rattled on for a few minutes about anything that would have bored her – your superbowl plans, your idea on how to rearrange the tools in your garage, the possibility of it being an early spring and whether you should double-lime your lawn this year… and just keep it up until your wife has dealt with the cake and come back to the phone OR your MIL hung up out of boredom.
You and your wife are supposed to be a team, y’know.
I’m guessing that both parents would want to be around for the cake thing because it’s not just “passing out cake,” it’s the whole “lighting the candles and singing and taking the obligatory picture of the smiling birthday child blowing out the candles,” something in which I can understand that both mom and dad would want to participate. Plus, in addition to the sentiment, it’s nice to have one grown up to work the camera, and another to monitor the open flame.
Gah, yes, there is something uniquely annoying about being held hostage by an ill-timed telephone call. I can appreciate the OP’s pique over this situation, and the resulting guilt-trip was just uncalled for, especially since it seems that you didn’t exactly rush her off the phone – she talked to just about everyone in the house!
If the OP was just looking to rant and get something off his chest, then stop reading here. You get a hearty “Man, I hear ya” from me.
In addition, I’d also point out that after all, she is your MIL, and your wife’s mother, and your child’s grandmother. All of which means that you’re stuck with her. I got the impression from your post that this kind of behavior isn’t atypical of her, and it might serve you well to resign yourself to it, and figure out what you can do to ease such situations in the future. For example, you calling her at a convenient time prior to the party, so that she can prattle on longer without interruption. Granted, if your MIL is like my MIL, it might be a bit of a no-win situation when she then complains that you didn’t let her call you, thus implying that she wouldn’t have made the effort to call her own grandchild on her birthday, yadda yadda yadda. But I still think it’s easier on you (and your wife) to have a MIL in a snit on the phone when you’ve got some free time on your hands as opposed to when you’ve got a houseful of tykes demanding cake.
Og knows I don’t often quote Ann Landers, but here goes:
Nobody can take advantage of you without your permission.
And to throw in a little wisdom from Miss Manners (my words, not hers): Just because someone calls you on the phone, you are not under any obligation to speak to them.
Sorry, but no sympathy from me. Grow some balls. Your wife, too.
Oi. I hate phone calls like that. Why is the person that has to hang up always considered the rude one anyways? Shouldn’t there be something said for family or friends that keep you on the phone even though you told them that you’re preoccupied at the moment? Man…family members are like telemarketers that you can’t hang up on. Only rather than trying to sell you something, they just spend 5 minutes making you talk to them just so they can say “hi”.
I esspecialy hate it when they call me when I’m in the middle of a tense game on an online game like SOCOM 2. A singleplayer game, no problem. I can just pause. But I hardly have time to talk when I have to take out a sniper on a roof of a factory before you kills off the VIPS we’re trying to escort to safety. My team is relying on me!
Actually…I hate all phones in general. I’ve always thought they were loud and obnoxious just like every person that can’t live 5 minutes of their life without using one. I suppose I wouldn’t think they were so bad if I hadn’t grown up with a very social brother and sister who had tons of friends and were never home. I was left to answer their damn calls day after day since I was always home. It got to the point where I just hung up on anyone that called. Anything to stop that ringing.
That’s exactly what I was doing. I was just irked at the time and needed to complain to someone without causing any more marital strife.
I know I’m stuck with her and she is a nice person overall, but she can be a little hard to deal with when the “guilt machine” gets revved up. My wife is generally pretty good about handling her as well.
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