Originally Posted by Smeghead http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/images/buttons/viewpost.gif
I had a very vigorous discussion, with feelings becoming more and more excitable, then an explosion of rhetoric, disseminating information everywhere, after which it quickly died down and I went to sleep.
Four hours worth?
Did you explore the ins and outs of the topic that came to hand?
“It’s a medical problem that some men suffer from. They can take medicine to help it.”
Off topic, but I think it’s hysterical how all pharmaceutical companies think all men love to flyfish and women love to sit in bathtubs.
Yes, this is just like those Will And Grace episodes they show in the middle of other programs.
Saw one of these, repeatedly, the other night. SO’s comment: “Dude, you’re having a conversation with your reflection. I think you need to see a doctor about THAT before you worry about ED.” 
Sorry, no help on the kids thing. Not a problem I’ve had. I’d agree with the posters who’ve suggested going clinical and minimal. That worked with me.
Whatever happened to, “That’s something grown-ups know about. When you’re a grown-up, you’ll understand”?
Ah yes, the deliberately obtuse post.
Let’s try again… The CONCEPT of “I don’t want to see something because I don’t want to talk to my child about it” is what I was referring to, not the actual television show. That CONCEPT can be a television show about a topic you don’t agree with, a commercial about ED or birth control, gay marriage because it conflicts with your own beliefs, or ANY OTHER TOPIC that is somewhat controversial.
Life is full experiences. The parent’s job is to TALK TO THEIR CHILDREN about life. Sorry if there’s a topic that makes you not want to do that, but the time for worrying about that was before you (generic you) decided to be a parent.
The “ew icky, I don’t want to talk to my kid about that!” excuse is pretty ridiculous.
I thought this was just a charmingly Pinky-ish non-sequitur, and then I realized there really was such an ad.
I think I liked it the first way better.
Two comments - some of us are uncomfortable for some reason (see my “You should ask your mother about that” post above) to talk about these things. Doesn’t mean we won’t do it when necessary, just that it’s uncomfortable.
And when I’m watching a football game, I want to watch the damn game. If my daughters want to sit and watch the game with me, they’re more than welcome. I’m happy to answer any questions about football they have. But if they just want to sit in the same room with me, and ask me to play dolls with them, or read to them, or any other damn thing - sorry, Dad usually only gets to watch one game a week, so you can entertain yourself for the next 3 hours. So combining “This is an uncomfortable topic for me” with “I just want to watch football”, means I really don’t want to deal with ED commercials.
I get that and it’s more than reasonable, but then it’s just “Daddy is busy right now, but we will talk about this when the game is over.” It doesn’t have to happen the second they ask.
Or just give them an answer before the commercial is even done
“Daddy, what is Viagra?”
“It’s a medicine some men take to make them feel better.”
“What’s erectile dysfunction?”
“It’s a disease that men get. OTHER men. I don’t care what your mother says. Beer me.”
The end.
Exactly. See, easily done and no time wasted.
You, sir, are ready to be a father.
Our kids are getting to ages where questions like these are about to start, however they’re not quite ready yet to really understand the answer without a lot of additional information, which will lead to more questions. Whenever possible, we don’t want to give them non-answers because they just result in confusing the kids and postponing the real answer. But we also don’t want to provide more information than they’re able to process at their ages. It’s tricky. Not impossible, but delicate, and tricky.
I chuckle when I see non-parents giving parents advice about what a parent’s job is with respect to their children. Check back when you’re in the situation and let’s see how black and white you think it is then.
You know what makes me chuckle? When parents pretend that being a parent is the only way to obtain knowledge about things. In life we all make determinations and give advice about things we haven’t personally experienced. We have opinions about things we’ve never done.
I’ve never been a senator, but I have opinions about how they do their jobs. I’ve never been a grocery store cashier, but I can look at what they’re doing and make certain suggestions or have a belief about how they should treat customers. I’ve never been a president, but I can think the war in Iraq is wrong. I can think that a television show doesn’t make sense or a movie is a stupid premise without being a scriptwriter. See how that works?
Somehow parents (especially those here at the Straight Dope) seem to think that parenting is the only thing that one can’t have a valid opinion about unless you have hands on experience. Too bad you guys can’t realize that about all things you bitch about.
Of course parenting is hard. Of course you never really know how hard something is until you try it, but let’s face it… even if you have a kid you don’t know what it’s like to have all kids so (by your own thinking) even as a parent you can’t really give advice about a child or a situation that isn’t the same as your own.
In the grand scheme of things that parents face, I think figuring out how to explain ED to a kid is pretty small potatoes and not really a big enough deal to act so sanctimonious about when it comes to “you can’t know until you’re a parent.” Try to save up those holier-than-thou moments for things that really matter, no?
At a younger age like that, it’s a delicate balance. I would caution that giving too little info or using metaphorical language when they ask can be just as risky as giving info-overload. My mom (and dad, for that matter) were always extremely honest with me and my younger brother when it came to us asking about sexuality, with one exception: my first version of the sex talk.
The euphemistic language my parents employed scared three-year-old me into thinking that men just went around releasing these “seeds” like dandelion puff everywhere, and there was nothing you could do about it–these invisible seeds just wafted right up your crotch–without you knowing about it, and got you pregnant, and then, more often than not, you wound up married to the purveyor of said seed, even if you didn’t like him. I was clearly terrified, and when I explained to my parents that from what they’d told me, I thought I was going to have some weirdo’s “seeds” fly up me at the mall–they realized a more anatomically accurate depiction might be a better choice. I was way more comfortable knowing the way things actually went down. After that, everything was age-appropriate but factual. At one point, my mom, an RN, gave me one of her old med books of the human body–the *whole *human body–to color in. My fav was the cross-sections of the penis, number two was probably eyeballs. Shortly after, I wanted to know all the medical names for body parts–she taught them to me, from phalanges to fallopian tubes.
I’m sure it was awkward for them, at first, but now we have an extremely open and honest relationship…both my parents knew (and for the most part, approved) when I started sleeping with my LT high-school boyfriend (the lovely and talented Mudshark), and talking about birthcontrol, STDs, emotions, morals, etc. were easy. I never had any difficulty asking either of my parents anything, and they know a good bit about my sex life, dates, and attitudes, and vice-versa (this has never creeped me out). This relationship made it way easier to come out to them as bisexual–and even though that wasn’t all roses and cherubim (at least not with my mom), it was definitely an honest dialogue, which I don’t feel would have been possible without such a foundation.
When my little brother came of age, they were prepared. His questions (at age 10 or 11, IIRC)* included such winners as:
“Can a guy have sex with an animal? Like, say, a monkey?”
“Can more than two people have sex at the same time?”
“Can two guys have sex?”
And, my favorite, in reference to the female vagina, “Could you put a doughnut in there?”
And they were unshakable.
See? It could be waaaay worse than ED. I’d start the conditioning now.
Too bad. If you did, you could strike the perfect “couple-time” compromise of sitting-in-a-bathtub-while-flyfishing. Everyone’s a winner.
*Granted, I am in grad school for clinical psych, and hope to become a sex therapist. We talk extensively over the dinner table about the research I’m interested in conducting, and articles I’ve read–transgender issues, gay rights, non-traditional romantic relationships, sex ed in schools–so my brother, though sheltered from a lot of it in his younger days, had been exposed to more radical ideas than most kids. I would argue that this has been for the better: my proudest moment was when, as fourth-grader at a Catholic school, he told a bully who’d called him a faggot, that while he was not gay, there wouldn’t be anything wrong with him if he were.
Butterflies, very well said (the whole post, not just what I quoted above). Of course things are different when you’re actually in the situation yourself, you may behave differently than you thought, there are aspects that you weren’t aware of before, but even still, all individual instances of a situation are not the same. That does not automatically preclude anyone who hasn’t stood in your exact shoes from being able to make a valid contribution, or make their contribution somehow less worthy of note. Regardless of the issue, advice from people…standing in vastly different shoes?..can be just as helpful as advice from your identical shoe twin.
I think this attitude might make even less sense in the whole kid-raising arena, because everyone has at least had the benefit of having experienced the childhood part. So, while one may not be a parent oneself, it’s safe to say that everyone has had some experience with parenting, just from the other side of the equation–and that’s at a minimum! In many cases, I think advice from the former child’s perspective on these kinds of issues is just as important (if not more so) than guidance from other parents.
Thank you Orange Skinner, very much. You put it more politely and intelligently than I ever could. It’s one of my irrational triggers when I read parents using this. In this case it is even more ??? to me because I believe that the OP’s daughter is less than a year old.
Also, your post #35 is such gold I can’t even tell you. I laughed out loud and then applauded your parents for the questions your little brother came up with. Doughnut! PRICELESS. I have bookmarked the link to your post and will read it again, it is that fantastic. Seriously, LOVE. 
I’m not sure if I’m more interested in how your parents answered, or what in the name of Grodd made that question pop into your brother’s head…
My parents gave me a copy of Where Did I Come From? when I was really wee (reading it is one of my earliest memories), and I sat in on my much older cousin’s ‘talk’ so I never got the talk…but I never really had any time where I didn’t know the relevant facts.
I never knew you could get a Master’s in such a thing.
[spock]
Fascinating
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They’re not, it’s just that I don’t ever see the feminine hygeine commercials on during anything I watch. Really, about the only TV I watch involves competition-style reality TV like AI or The Amazing Race, and football. And we watch a LOT of football.
It’s not that I don’t want to see it because I don’t want to talk about it (I’d rather not see it just because it’s on SEVENTEEN TIMES PER GAME), it’s more that I don’t know how to talk about it. Which is why I started the thread. Right now it’s not an issue, and it probably won’t be until a couple of seasons from now, but it occurred to me that I have been thinking about this issue since last season when I was pregnant and noticed the umpteen ED commercials, and I still don’t have a good answer as to how to deal with it, so I was hoping some parent here has already gone through it and could provide an appropriate answer. You know, so I can do my job and talk to my child, and do it properly.