Amateur dramatics. Very popular here in the UK where everyone thinks they’re the next Judi Dench. Most local towns and villages have an amateur dramatic society and put on various dodgy plays and musicals starring failed actors and wannabes.
Here’s the one my family attend: http://www.trinityplayers.com/
Quoted for truth. Two hours of driving and $70 isn’t like buying a $20 raffle ticket.
Yup.
Not relevant in the case because the friend is selling something and so no explanation is required to decline.
If the friend tries to push after a response, “I’m sorry, I can’t.” then I would seriously reconsider the friendship.
It might be simpler to fork over the 70 bucks, have a last-minute emergency, and feel less guilty the next time you need to ask this friend for a big favor.
“I’m sorry, but I would be violating a condition of my probation if I attended.”
I think that’s the clear winner. “Is your son’s school within 1000 feet of a school?”
“Don’t worry about the story’s goofiness. A sensible one would have had us all in the cooler.” — Sam Spade, The Maltese Falcon
Stranger
My sister once asked me if I’d be interested in going to a major rock concert.
My response: “I don’t think so, I’m tired.”
The concert was 2 months away.
mmm
“Time for the winter fundraiser!”
“I cannot sell one more roll of wrapping paper. What can we do instead?”
“The jazz band is selling candy, so we can’t do that. I know! Let’s have a fundraising concert! If each kid sells 10 tickets…”
This is all about the cash, and I have nothing but sympathy for the poor suckers who have to come up with ways to pay for the school trip. That doesn’t mean innocent bystanders are obliged to get caught in the net.
Between my two kids, I had to participate in fundraisers at some level at least four times a year, and I have vivid memories (some might call them “flashbacks”) of trying to come up with something novel but effective. While I admire the chutzpah of the committee that decided they could charge $35 a head to listen to someone else’s kid play music, there’s no way they expect any non-relative past the level of godparent to attend.
If it were me, I’d tell my friend that I’m honored he thought of me, I’m proud that his kid is doing so well in orchestra, I’d love to get together sometime, but I’m just not up to it. If, and only if, I could afford it, I’d ask if I could donate anyway (the answer is always yes).
By the time their kids are in high school, most parents have developed a pretty thick skin about being rejected for fundraising activities. If you feel obliged to be more supportive, you can ask if there’s a recording you can buy.
Oh, and my son’s class is doing fundraising this year. The fortunately thing is that it’s making food and desserts that are sold at school events so no one is forced to buy anything.
We get out of ever-damn-thing with this excuse. Unfortunately, it’s true so we actually never get to go anywhere either.
I would not lie. That’s debasing your friendship, is minorly unethical, and can easily come back to bite you in the ass. It is perfectly permissible to say, “I’m so sorry, I won’t be able to make it.”
That is really and truly all you need to say.
This isn’t an invitation. It’s an invitation when all you have to do if you accept is show up, dressed appropriately, and ready to behave appropriately.
But you have to pay $35, so what’s really going on is that your friend hitting you up for a contribution to his son’s school orchestra.
I’d say rather than going, offer to make a contribution to the school orchestra. You don’t have to tell your friend how much; you can write and send the check directly to the orchestra fund or whatever it is.
True dat! The “kids” are fine for most of a day, but anything over 6 hours is risky. The doggie daycares are expensive and fill up fast for weekends and holidays. Dogsitters are now almost as expensive, if you can find one you trust and they’re available.
When we go to visit the kids and grandkids, we now just take the dogs and stay in a pet-friendly hotel. The only problem with that is that we can’t leave them alone in the room. They have to go out with us or we go out one at a time.
Social media invitations have different levels.
LEVEL 1: Click on an event on Facebook. Click the “Invite” button. Choose a subgroup of friends, or choose the “select all” button. Click “Send invites.” This is a quick mass-communication option that’s just one step above spam. I don’t mind when people do it, but I figure it requires zero response from me. Even if I decide to go to the event, I don’t need to communicate that with the person who invited me.
LEVEL 2: Post about the event, and tag various friends. With that level of personalizing, I’ll at the very least click “Like”; and I might even respond, “Sounds fun!” but I don’t think anything more is required.
LEVEL 3: Post about an event on a friend’s wall. If someone posts an event on my wall, I’ll definitely respond. Unless it’s 100% amazing, I’ll probably be wishy-washy: “Cool! Lemme check what my plans are for that weekend.” I might be done at that point.
LEVEL 4: A private message about an event. This is the point where I’ll give a clear answer; and if I decline, I’ll probably not say why. “That sounds really cool, but I don’t think I’ll be able to make it. Thanks for thinking of me, though, and I’d love to get together with you sometime!”
LEVEL 5: Break into my house while I’m sleeping and wake me up by showing me the event on your phone screen. At this point I’m taking out a restraining order.
Got it in 11!
A lot of invitations to partake in activities one does not want to partake in are often extended out of politeness, not because the person extending the invitation will have a lesser experience with out you or will be hurt if you decline. If this particular friend would be hurt by a polite refusal without excuse or explanation, then that’s on them.
Don’t let your friend’s (at this point merely hypothetical) sensitivities live rent free inside your head any longer.
Perhaps the social media threat level numbering should be reversed to be consistent with DEFCON numbering, where 1 is the highest threat level and 5 is the lowest.
I had the exact opposite reaction. Why would anyone want to go? I can’t imagine sitting through a high school concert of anyone that didn’t have half of my DNA. I’m not a grandparent so I’ll make allowances for that.
English needs to fully incorporate the word inshallah. As I learned overseas it can mean anything from “I’ll be there unless God strikes me dead” to “I’m pretty sure God is going to will that I stay in bed that day.”
My daughters went to a very large regional high school. Not only did they have no problem filling the audience with just the immediate families of the students, they had to break up the concert dates for different groups and grades so they would have enough room. I never had to shill for anything.
I agree the ticket fee changes things.
I usually tried to attend school performances because the kids worked so hard in rehearsals. A room of mostly empty seats is disappointing for them.
But the school is charging for tickets. That’s a consideration.
ISWYDT
And attendance during the resurgence of COVID cases means one could contract something by attending.
Now you go 