“You want to hold the baby? You should hold the baby. Hold the baby!”
“Um… no thank you. Really, I’m good.”
“It’s okay. Just hold him. Don’t worry, you’re not going to drop him.”
“First of all, you don’t know that. Secondly, I love you and your baby and I’m really happy for you and I’m really happy that you’re so happy, but seriously, I am completely capable of and happy to appreciate your little miracle from over here.”
“Okay. But really, you should hold the baby!”
I never understood that, myself. I had plenty of people asking to hold my baby, back when I had one, without having to foist him onto unwilling people, but I’ve seen other people do that. I’ve even had people ask me if I had a “chance” to hold their baby, or words to that effect. I like babies, but not enough to line up to hold ones I don’t know well, especially when I have other things to do.
Perhaps a diaper-change was in the works? :eek:
“You want to hold the baby? You should hold the baby. Hold the baby!”
“I think about to throw up.”
My go-to is:
I held mine when they were baby-sized, getting all of my babyholding needs fulfilled. More would be excessive, but thanks anyway.
Ok, I’ll hold the baby. Where’s the handle?
Oh man, I HATE this. And there seems to be extra judgment of your disinclination towards baby holding if you’re a chick. Also, expect comments like, “c’monnnn, it’ll be good practice for you!” if you don’t have kids. And the kinds of people to say this stuff are NOT the ones who would take, “actually, I don’t want (perhaps soften to ‘plan to’) have kids” without apparently believing it’s up for debate with them.
I don’t want to hold your baby, I don’t want to see pictures of it, I don’t want to talk about it, and I especially don’t want to see it at work.
I also don’t want to hear endless details about your pregnancy, your childbirth, and blow-by-blow about every day of being a mother/father after that. There are tons of parents in the world; read your audience.
Can you hold them by the scruff of their necks?
Is your baby furry? Four paws? Pointy ears? Whiskers? Cute little mew? I’ll be begging you to let me hold it.
Is it hairless, squalling, smelling vaguely funny, and emitting liquids out of one or more orifices? No thanks, I’ll pass.
Fortunately, nobody ever asks me to hold human babies. I don’t know if I put out some “I don’t hold babies” vibe or if I’ve just been lucky. Then again, most of my friends who have them either (a) also have clues, or (b) live far away so I just have to look at Facebook pictures.
This is usually a nonstarter for me, because I’m the type who will ask to hold a baby if I know the parents sufficiently well (I love babies).
But having a baby foisted on me would be offputting to say the least, and beyond “offputting” and into “weird and awkward” if they insisted.
Heh, funny OP. Maybe the parents are feeling overwhelmed and just want a little break. Seriously.
Given that other types of female primate are prone to pass babies around members of their troop I can’t help but think there’s some pre-human impulse behind all the baby-holding.
That said - we’re not ruled by instinct, people should be free to refuse to hold a baby.
Playing dumb works pretty well to get the baby back in the hands of it’s rightful owner.
Grab the baby by an ankle and hold it upside down with a mystified expression on your face and ask “Like this?”.
I think this wins the thread. If anyone is ever foolish enough to ask me to hold their spawn I will try this one.
I always carry my special baby-handling gloves for occasions like these.
“I’ve been such a butterfingers lately, but what the heck, I’ll give it a try.”
mmm
You realize that their soft-spots allow a guy to carry 4 using one hand, right?
The trouble is, if the music stops, its yours.
Too bad. Their wanting a break from their own baby doesn’t trump someone else’s desire to not hold their baby.
