I want to have a baby, but I’m only 22 and totally unprepared for the responsibility. Still, I can’t help but be jealous when I see the swelled bellies of expectant mothers. I don’t want a baby because I think anything is missing in my life. I come from a nice family. I have a great boyfriend. I go to school and work part-time. Busy as I am, I still have baby fever. Have I been conditioned by society to want to be a mommy? Are my hormones out of whack? Or, have I just been watching too many episodes of “A Baby Story” and “Maternity Ward” on TLC? Humble opinions wanted.
I’ve been fighting off maternal instincts since I was 16 (I’m now 27). Everytime I see a baby I just wanna hold him/her and tell him/her how gorgeous s/he is. I play little games with kids on public transport. I also accost pregnant women. I always dreamed of becoming a primary school teacher, and still do. I can’t tell you how much I LOVE babies and kids and I don’t think its that unreasonable an ideal coz I was 11 when my last brother was born and I helped look after him and I know they cry a LOT.
The fact is, I have some growing up to do, some O.S. travelling to do and I don’t have an income that can support a kid. Basically I think I’ll be a better parent in my early 30’s. Its so so hard but I’m willing to fight off the instinct for the good of my future bubs.
Good luck whatever you decide, but I think its only fair to consult your bf before ‘accidently’ getting pregnant.
Is there a member of your family that could loan you a baby for the weekend? It may change your mind. 
I would never “accidently” get pregnant. I’d want to raise a child under the best possible conditions. Tricking the father into having a baby wouldn’t be conducive to that. Anyway, I think I am more in love with the fantasy of having a baby than the reality of it all.
Mala,
I think a lot of people are in love with the fantasy and good on you for being honest to yourself. They look so cute when they’re asleep and I see people gushing and then as soon as s/he starts crying they get turned off. I mean they cry for a large part of every day. And they spew and poo up their diapers/nappies. And you can’t even go to the bathroom without worrying what s/he will get up to. And you won’t get enough sleep for about 10 years of your life. Tram’s idea is excellent.
Best wishes and sorry if you took offence to that comment about conceiving with the bf’s approval but I know some people actually do that.
Mel.
Quitting watching “A baby story” should help, borrowing a baby for a day or so is good, but you’ll probably just have to fight it off until you are actually ready. It’s not that much longer really–another couple of years, maybe? Lots of people start at 20-22 and do great. 24-25 is a perfectly good age to start having kids, assuming you’re in a permanent relationship by then.
Personally, my baby clock went off the week I got married. It kinda went like this:
Hormones: OK, we’re married! Let’s have a baby!
Genie: What?!? You’re joking. We’ve been married for 3 days.
Hormones: Yeah, great! Let’s get started!
Genie: No way. How’bout if mr. genie finishes school and we get a job first? Perhaps some income? I kinda wanted to go to grad school?
Hormones: Not necessary. Baby, baby, baby…
(continue, on and off, for the next 4 years)
Your instincts and your human nature are what have conditioned you to want to be a mommy.
Have some baby back ribs, and maybe some baby carrots and baby corn on the side. Then top it all off with a bag of Sugar Babies!
Geez, and here I am, 33 years old, thinking “Boy, if I’m gonna have kids, I better hop to it!” but I can’t bear the thought of a child. If I could have a 6 year old, I’d do it. But a baby? Ick.
Yeah, borrow a baby for a weekend, if possible. The reality kicks in. They are very cool, but they’re not all “sugar and spice and puppy dog tails”. In fact, they’re poopy and whiney and sick a lot as well.
Wait until your situation is ideal. I was only 20 when my son was born. He’s wonderful and I wouldn’t trade him for anything, but I often wish I had a little more life under my belt before undertaking the Hardest Job In The World.
Babysitting may not necessarily give you a “reality check” but it might help you slake that baby thirst in small doses. In the first year of my son’s life, I had a co-worker who was dying to have a baby but the time wasn’t right. Shazam, we had a willing, loving, enthusiastic babysitter, and she got the chance to cuddle an infant. Since she was a co-worker, I felt odd paying her, so every once in awhile we’d give her a gift certificate to somewhere as a thanks.
Got any friends with babies? Offer them your services.
I don’t blame you for wanting a baby- they can be very cool.
But, please don’t go make one right away. Think about what you want to give to said baby first. Do you envision yourself as a full-time mommy or are you interested in day-care? Personally, I just assumed I would go the day-care route, but soon became jealous and angry at the day-care ladies (and one gent). They had all my baby’s ‘good’ hours (read: awake hours), where I only got about 3 hours in the evenings before the baby was off to sleep for the night. Then I happened that I notice a day-care lady being disinterested and even mean to the kids (mine included, and yes, I taked to the director about it) and I wanted my kid back! I surprised myself by finding out I wanted to be a full-time mom. I didn’t know this about me. I was very career oriented before.
So, think about what you want to give a baby and work toward your goal. (House v. apartment? Will you work? Full time? Part time? Will he shoot baskets with the boy or sleep in?) Get an education so that you can work a good paying job part time if needed, find fabulous daddy material (ask him questions!!) then get yourself a nice, fat baby. Find someone who shares your ideals.
Babies sure are sweet. But then they learn to walk and talk and before you know it they know more then YOU (or so they think) Raising kids is the toughest job in the world. It’s like having puppies…the grow out of the cute stage really quick.
I suggest you volunteer at your local church nursery during Sunday school or go to the hospital and volunteer for the crack babies. You will get your fill of love and attention and still have your freedom.
Enjoy your youth!
I think some women have the urge and some don’t. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a little baby around the house. To me, kids don’t get interesting until they’re five or six years old, when they can talk about things.
Before that, they’re just needy small animals. I’d rather have a puppy or a kitten.
(This is in no way meant to disparage women who want babies. It’s just not a feeling I understand or share.)
Excellent points made all around. Another couple of things to think about: You love babies. How do you feel about toddlers? 10-year-olds?
It’s great to have options as most of us do now; not so very long ago a young woman who at the great age of 22 was unmarried (and therefore by definition assumed to be virginal) was considered a pitiable spinster. If married and childless, well there was obviously “something wrong.” If unmarried and/or childless by choice, she was considered by many to be somewhat strange and abnormal.
As Soapbox said, your feelings and instincts are entirely natural and are what has made the continuation of the species possible. You also have a brain which you can use to decide how to act on those feelings and instincts, and an environment in which you can do so.
We pretty much covered our dwelling with plasting when our second son was an infant. He was simply known as “Spew”, although I preferred “Il Barfiator” on more formal occasions.
Hey, not just women. I’m almost 27, and just in the last two years I’ve noticed a greatly increased urge to procreate. I’d love to have a son. If nothing else, I could be the type of father I never had, i.e., one who was around. In my ideal scenario, I’d have three boys in a row, and then a girl last, just so my wife wouldn’t feel overwhelmed by testosterone. 
God I watch “A Baby Story” & “A Wedding Story” on TLC way too much, cuz I am feelin that baby fever and stuff too. Thing is, I know I don’t want one right now, but in the next 5 years or so after I’m done University and all, I hope to get settled. I’m almost 19 btw. I have never been the “bounce from guy to guy” dating-bar scene girl. I’m very simple, and I know what I want. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. When the time’s right, it’ll happen for you.
My gut reaction to the thread title was “no you don’t” but that could have something to do with my 9 week old screaming machine.
Babies are great but so much work and you really do need two people around, just so you can get some sleep occasionally.
I agree with the baby sitting suggestion, maybe even look after a bub overnight if possible that way you get some experience of the sleep deprivation also.
Whenever your maternal feelings start up think nappies, washing, cleaning, poo, vomit, nappies, washing, cleaning, poo and vomit. All this and you also have to find the money to look after and extra person, live your normal life with no sleep plus try and do all the extra stuff a baby requires.
Some days I long to be baby free again, able to walk out the front door without baby, nappy bag, bottle bag, spare blanket, pram and huge bags under me eyes. Somedays I feel like nothing more than a pack horse (or should that be a mule).
I feel just the way you do, mala. I have been fending off my reproductive instincts with a gigantic stick ever since I was 17 (and man, is it starting to get heavy…). I get murderously jealous of the Dopers who are pregnant, or wrangling rampaging rugrats between posts.
I think about the nastier aspects of having an infant (poop, vomit, sleep deprivation, mood swings - both for baby and mum!), and of having a toddler (potty training, more poop!, tantrums, separation anxiety), and a teenager (worrying about sex, worrying about drugs, having them hate your guts, mood swings AGAIN). And you know what? I still want to do it more than anything, which scares me. Those things are supposed to turn me off! And instead I just think; “It is so worth it.”
Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll ever have children, since without a University degree, I will never be able to afford them.
Excuse me, I have to go cry now.