I don't want to hold your baby, okay?

[SciFiSam]

I’ve never seen this, and I’m happy to hold and baby, but if it did come up and I didn’t want to, I think the suggested “I’m coming down with a cold” is brilliant.

@Gus_Gusterson

If someone asks me if I want to hold their baby I say, “I don’t like babies”. This usually has the bonus effect of making both the baby and its parent go away.

I used to like babies, then I had babies of my own. I no longer like babies.

My kids have heard me say this and they understand the implication. I admit that I didn’t like them as babies. I really don’t see why this upsets them - they’re the ones who were such assholes as babies that they put me off all babies, even the ones who’ve done nothing (yet) to deserve my hatred.

Wow, that’s ice cold.

[Cat_Whisperer]

@SciFiSam

<snip>
Wow, that’s ice cold.

I’m laughing my ass off.

[Katriona]

Keep your hands firmly behind your back. Do not move them NO MATTER WHAT. Then they have to keep hold of it or drop it.

[jtur88]

I don’t want your cute playful harmless dog jumping up on me, either.

[kayaker]

@jtur88

I don’t want your cute playful harmless dog jumping up on me, either.

Well then wash off the peanut butter and get dressed.

[steadierfooting]

I interpret a parent pushing to hold a baby as a sign they need a break. I guess it depends on context, and in contexts I’m thinking of, I have twin infants and I think of all the visitors that came the first few weeks.

Oh, you don’t want to hold a baby? Then get the heck out of my house, I’m not taking care of a baby and dealing with your weird issues too!

[Machine_Elf]

@steadierfooting

I interpret a parent pushing to hold a baby as a sign they need a break.

I’m generally happy to give people what they need, but most of the time that has to start with them telling me what the hell their need is. If they want me to hold their kid for five minutes while they go fix themselves a snack, no problemo. But if they try to spin it like they’re doing me a favor by granting me some kind of transformative baby-holding experience, I’m gonna say nothanks.

[overlyverbose]

I love holding my sister’s babies. I loved holding my own babies (and still love to hold them even though they’re not exactly babies). Anyone else’s babies? Not really. I’ll hold them if I think it’ll help, but you never know what neuroses other parents have when they’re not close friends or family. So I can definitely relate to the OP, though I’m not as strongly against.

What I really don’t understand is when a new mom brings her baby to work (which I’m ok with as long as it’s just a visit) and everyone follows the baby around, babbling in baby talk. They couldn’t care less about the actual mom. For some reason it just drives me nuts. Probably because when I was a new mom, it was like I didn’t exist if I had a baby with me, so I feel bad that everyone ignores the mom and hones in on the little one.

[Hermitian]

@Gus_Gusterson

If someone asks me if I want to hold their baby I say, “I don’t like babies”. This usually has the bonus effect of making both the baby and its parent go away.

I used to like babies, then I had babies of my own. I no longer like babies.

My kids have heard me say this and they understand the implication. I admit that I didn’t like them as babies. I really don’t see why this upsets them - they’re the ones who were such assholes as babies that they put me off all babies, even the ones who’ve done nothing (yet) to deserve my hatred.

Reminds me of a comic.

[Miss_Woodhouse]

I feel the same way about people expecting me to entertain their dog. No I don’t want to pet your smelly beast. I have my own smelly beast at home and she knows better than to sniff my butt or jump on me.

[PastTense]

Obviously you don’t want to hold a baby–babies are incredibly fragile!!!