Wait- you two wrestled for control of the cup, you won control of the cup, and then you poured coffee on her?
Replacing the shirt should be the least of your worries. While I’m not a lawyer, I think that most practicing would note that your pouring is an entirely separate incidence of battery and had you called the cops, you’d have been just as fucked as her.
I thought you had the moral high ground here, dude. You don’t.
HSHP. -
And you wonder why witnesses slant things. She had already tried to slap the cup from my hands, and was grappling me for it. The pouring on her was a warning “If you’re getting physical again, so will I.” No more will I stand and let you work out your frustrations on me. It worked, she didn’t go for the slapping and clawing, this time. The coffee was cold, she already had most of it on her, anyway.
Yes, I’m not proud she goaded me that far. I’m also tired of letting her get away with much more serious batteries upon me. As for the moral high ground, I think I still have some position, when I realized things were getting out of hand (on both parts), I immediately left.
Elanorigby, Emma wasn’t there. It was before she gets home from school.
One splash of cold coffee after putting up with this shit for years doesn’t automatically make me as emotionally immature as her, I think.
If she had gotten the cup, she would have either hit me with it, or smashed it out of spite.
So, HSHP, if you’re saying the coffee is entirely equal to being hit, slapped and clawed, I should go ahead and knock her teeth down her throat, next time she starts up, Because it’s all the same.
So noted, counsellor.
See, this is the sort of gender inequality and assumptions that so set me off in WierdDave’s thread. I have put up with her hitting, slapping, clawing and destruction of my property for years, but one splash of coffee and I’m on her level and should be incarcerated. Yeah. I’m not her fucking punching bag.
No, I think what he’s saying is that pouring the coffee is a “bad act.” In terms of the damage that it can do, however, it’s much less than punching someone. But the point he’s making, I believe, is that in terms of maintaining your status as non-aggressor victim, you muddy the waters when you take steps that make your position more ambiguous.
It’s not that the two acts are equivalent; it’s that they both are bad, to differing degrees.
For what it’s worth, I wish more people in your situation would do as you’ve been trying to do – stay above it all, involve law enforcement, etc. Hang in there.
As someone who has hauled off and hit the woman back. I applaud your response. At the time, I would’ve viewed calling the cops the worst thing that can be done. But after learning that I am the villain for hitting a woman. I regret the path I chose, because it only got worse as time went on.
You’re definitely not a pussy. Hitting the woman back is the pussy option.
No. she got it on herself while trying to slap and claw the cup out of my hands. What was left I poured on her, by way of telling her to knock it off. This was not a good thing, but it stopped her for the moment.
Well, thank you for ignoring the info in the OP, in order to cast me in worst light. That’s just what Holly does, actually. Emma wasn’t home yet. What would you, the very mature person, done in this position? Poured the coffee on yourself?
But that would be immature and illegal for me to do. I’m a jerk for retaliating in any way, but’s it just what she needs? I’m sensing a mixed message.
Very mixed message. I do try not to rise to her bait. Most times, I’m successful. Currently it is joint custody, with her as the (what’s the word?) custodial parent. I’ve had her up to six weeks in the summer. So, immature is better than immature and sporadically violent? Thanks, I guess.
She’s smart as a whip (beautiful, too. Gonna be a heartbreaker), She hasn’t seen too much of the conflict, what she has seen is her Mom going off on Dad, in person or on the phone. She still calls Holly ‘The best mommy in the world’. Shades of Cindy Crawford? I’m here in Cali just to be closer to her, and make the catches when Holly goes into the hospital. The escalated conflict is an unavoidable consequence, unfortunately. Holly and I get along much better when I’m 600 miles away.
mswas and Campion, Thanks for the support / input. It’s hard to remain calm, when someone is shrilly denigrating your best efforts to care for a child that she cannot, and trying to hurt you at the same time. The bit about knocking her teeth in was hyperbole, but I get HSHP’s point. I really do. I did sink to her level, and I’m ashamed I did.
So, I guess next time, I’ll let her beat me until I have marks, then call cop.
That’s not what I’m saying at all. Stop being snippy and take a look at your actions.
This is why I will never touch divorce law or family law with a ten-foot pole, because no one understands these few simple things:
Use of force against you justifies proportionate reactionary force AND NO MORE.
There is no law that says “S/He did something first, so my new act is justified.”
What seems fair to you, what is allowed under the law, and what is actually fair are three entirely different things.
With regard to your comment (notice is taken about your calling it hyperbole), an increase in force is much less justifiable than your already unjustifiable coffee pouring.
Actually, the sad thing is that I know why witnesses slant things. They think that their attorney cares whether the witness is a good person. They think that the slanting makes them more believable. Or they think that the way they said it is the way it actually happened once you factor in their own sense of what is “right.” All of these things are incorrect, all of these things will just serve to get you into more trouble, and all of these things are why people either wonder how the case went against them, or, dumber yet, blame their attorney.
It doesn’t matter what you think happened. And telling your first story is telling an untruth. Think about that.
OK, I will. This conversation is actually very valuable to me.
Criminal attorneys see bad people at their best. Family lawyers see good people at their worst. If this incident is my worst, I can live with that.
I believe my reaction was proportinate and reasonable. It stopped further battery.
As for justified, that’s ultimately up to 12 impartial, disinterested parties who just want their $12 and to go home, isn’t it? ETA or one judge.
Hmmmmm. When someone enters your home uninvited, brandishing a knife and demanding money, does their action not justify the homeowner’s use of deadly force to protect lives and property? Extreme example, same concept, IMHO.
The last is moot, who decides ‘actually fair’? But, I do appreciate the difference between the first two.
We’ve already discussed my justification for pouring coffee. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Some of us try to think you’re human beings, still. I’ve considered law as an avocation. I prefer to think the attorney cares, but knows it doesn’t matter.
“Even a goddam werewolf is entitled to legal council.” -HST
Sigh You’re right, of course. I can only weakly say I wasn’t under oath whilst writing my OP. I know she’s gonna make it sound the worst, can’t I make it sound the best?
Is it? I was there, you weren’t, let’s take a scalpal to it. I assume you think it’s the tussel over the coffee cup where I dissembled?
“and she grabbed a coffee cup out of my hand and tried to bean me with it.”
Well, I knew from previous experience that had she gotten it, it was very likely.
I guess it should have been ‘to try to bean me with it.’ In the heat of the OP, I misspoke.
“she got messy with the coffee when she grabbed my cup, and barely connected with her feckless roundhouse.”
She did get messy in the struggle. ‘Feckless roundhouse’ is exaggeration, I admit. It’s a summup of the violent finger wagging and shoving that I’d particularly mark in the situation like a penguin notices snow.
When particularly questioned on the shirt/coffee thing, I readily admitted my role in further coffee redistribution.
Again. If this is my worst, I can live with that.
Thank you, Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
Wait, wait. ignore all that above. What I meant to say was
You calling me a liar, motherfucker?
JTKIPW.
Wow, Google gives me one hit for that acronym and it’s in Japanese.
I’m guessing
“Just to keep it pit worthy”
Just To Keep It Pit-Worthy.
Yes indeed. What is your brand of cigar?
Lizard King, I do believe you, and I do think you prevented her escalation, but I think you need to not see your ex in person any more, for any reason. I was trying to think what I’d say to a woman in your position (violent ex), and it would be the same - you need to look after you, and having someone become violent towards you in any way is not good for your mental health.
You are right it would be for the best,** featherlou**, to have a third party transfer Emma. It would mean asking more of the person who provides Holly’s transportation, and she’s about fed up with Holly, too. sigh I do comedy better than drama.
You mean in the title? The expression is usually to “drop a dime” on someone, although I see that Urban Dictionary has one entry for “drop the dime”.