… because I was. I was standing outside under a tree, saying goodbye to my friend Kelly who I’d just had lunch with. And, splat! On my shoulder, on my side, and on my hair. eww.
Stupid birds.
I’m off to take a shower and do some laundry.
When I was in Helsinki this summer with my wrestling team, we often broke into cliques with some of the Finns and wandered around. One afternoon, I was out with my cousin David and a few of the female wrestlers, one of whom David was trying desperately to get with. I, of course, was doing my best to make him look good.
I was talking with him about one of his techniques, since the ladies seemed very interested in learning it. Mid-sentence, I felt a big splat. Everyone started giggling, and I realized that a seagull had shit on my Helsinki Wrestling Club hat. David’s girl whipped out a bunch of wet-naps, said “I can help you!” and proceeded to clean all the bird shit off my hat.
Needless to say, David felt completely cockblocked. 
Aah, the classic shat-on-by-a-bird thing. Never happened to my as far as I can remember (it´s been only 18 years.) Once I was in Breton with my class and we were walking down the street. Suddenly we heard this loud splattering noise behind us. The only thing we saw was a car that was parked there. But it was covered with white liquid. Turned out some crappy bird hat just totally covered this car. It missed us by a few feet. We couldn´t believe this massive amount of crap was coming from a bird. It was so funny.
Never been pooped on, but interestingly enough, a bird has peed on me before. I was about ten years old and sitting on my front steps. A sparrow flew right overhead and left a thin of pee going across both my pant legs.
Around here it’s considered to be a sign that you are going to come into money. As a matter of fact it has happened to me several times and each time I have gotten some unexpected cash. Doesn’t seem to work if it hits my car though, which happens a lot more often (it’s a bigger target I guess!)
That happened to me once in college. I was in the library when I happened to glance at my right shoulder and see a huge wad of crusted bird shit stuck to my shirt. Then I realized that it must have happened something like, oh, SEVEN HOURS EARLIER while I was outside in the parking lot.
You think somebody could’ve mentioned it to me?
Once I was out riding on my bike, and a flock of gulls flew overhead and they let go simultaniously, luckily it all missed me, but I will never forget the sound of all the shit hitting the pavement simultaneously…
Me and three friends visiting NY last year, went to central park, two of us stayed out from under the trees and yes two of the others…didn’t. Result, they both got covered in bird shit as soon as they stepped on up there. Yes my friend laughed, me no not alot since the one covered in bird shit was wearing my jacket!
Sorry for your tragedy TheNerd 
I had a really good streak going from birth till about 2 years ago, some 25 years. Until I sat on a bench under a tree to eat a sandwich. And plop, right on my sandals!! A big nasty messy one too.
Before that the closest they came was about 5 years ago my mother and I were at a park after a 2 kilofoot hike up into a nearby mountain range and back down. I was laying on a park bench looking up when my mother noticed that all of a sudden that I threw myself off the bench into the dirt. Luckily I had seen the present coming and had dived out of the way just in time, lol.
Oh, then I was prevented from having another good streak when I sat under a tree shortly afternoon. There were somethings falling but I thought they were just seedpods since they were brownish. After a few minutes I noticed it was little birdie presents, shudder think the bird scene from High Anxiety.
At the second high school I went to, which was located only a couple of miles inland, everybody would eat their lunch out on the huge front lawn and leave their trash behind. It was Seagull Heaven.
Everybody got hit at some point. Including me. Ewww.
Bossk writes:
I hate to be “anal” about this, but birds don’t have separate outlets for urine and faeces: they have cloaca (where both get mixed). So, Bossk, I guess you were just lucky that sparrow had been on a mostly liquid diet. 