This isn’t really mundane or pointless, but it seemed like the best forum to post in. I don’t feel comfortable posting this in the BBQ pit.
My daughter is 17. When she was a kid, through the age of at least 12, we got along great. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. When she was 13 or so I talked to my husband about becoming closer with her. They didn’t spend a lot of one on one time together like she and I did, and I suggested that they go out occasionally to just hang out. He agreed and they’ve been doing that ever since. She is crazy about dad and it’s mutual.
Throughout her teen years, I know I’ve been a source of irritation to her. When I was a teen I pulled away from my mother and pretty much everything she did, irritated me too. I understand when that happens and just put it down to growing up.
Over the last couple of years, my daughter has been a little more blatant in her disregard for me. That hurts. She seems to think that I’m basically a doofus. When she’s nice and friendly to me is usually when she wants something. Don’t get me wrong. She’s a well-adjusted, intelligent, beautiful young lady. Does well in school, popular, has a nice boyfriend. I don’t want it to seem like she’s manipulative, she’s just a typical teenager. Well, now that I think of it she is manipulative.
It seems like the tide has turned. Where once we were so close and I couldn’t imagine loving anyone more than I love this child and she loved me, now dad has replaced me in her affections. I feel like the stepmother instead of her own mother. I just figured that I was being too sensitive, and tried to remember my own feelings towards my mom when I was her age.
Saturday night she went to a friend’s house and didn’t come home. We didn’t know the phone number and were pretty upset. This had never happened before. The next day I called her boyfriend and her best friend but was unable to get that phone number. I remembered MySpace.com, searched and found my daughter’s site. I was hoping to scroll through the messages from friends and link to her friend’s site to try and send a message. Pretty weak, but I was getting really worried. We couldn’t find an address book or anything and her friend has a fairly common last name.
I was totally floored when I got to my daughter’s MySpace page. Normal stuff there, nothing unusual. UNTIL. She had this posting, just talking about life in general, and I glanced through it. It said the following "I love my dad - he’s the coolest guy! He makes killer chicken and we get along great. Then followed some things about me, about how "You may think my mom is really nice, but she’s not. She is just not a good person and I don’t like her at all.’ There’s more, but I just can’t put it into words right now. You get the idea.
WTH? I feel so humiliated and betrayed. How could she put that out there for everyone to read, about her own mother? I thought we were cool. There’s so many times I defended her, bought her things while ignoring my own needs, and let’s face it, I am her mother. No one else on earth will ever love her more than I will. I don’t know if I can ever get over this.
I was able to get a phone number finally and she came home. When she got here, I told her how hurt and betrayed I felt and I could tell she didn’t really care. She had this mocking sort of look on her face.
Now I can’t even stand to be in the same room with her, and this is my child - my first born.
People have hurt me in the past, but never like this. This is someone I would do anything for, anything. Now I feel uncomfortable in my own home.
My husband let her have it! He is really pissed off, which is better than him dismissing how I feel. He removed her computer right away. As far as I’m concerned, she gets it back the day she moves out, if at all.
Right now she is looking right through me. When she has a question, she talks to dad or little brother. It’s like I’m not even here.
Any of you that are 17 or thereabouts, what is your take on this whole thing?
Any parents of teenagers, has anything like this ever happened to you?
I don’t want to talk to anyone I know about this. I would just cry and I don’t want to do that anymore.