I Fell Off the Wagon

What a horrible day I had at work. That job is going to *kill *me. But then again, so would unemployment, and there are no other jobs out there (and even if there were, they’d hire some 23-year-old, not me). So essentially, I must face down either the horribleness of my soul-sucking, degrading job, or the horribleness of unemployment and poverty.

I can’t drink (allergic to the stuff). Wouldn’t know where to buy drugs even if I wanted to. Can’t afford a shopping spree, and don’t have sex. So–despite my weight and my cholesterol–I bought 1.75 pts. of Edy’s Swiss Orange, and I intend to throw myself face-down into it.

Maybe I’ll get so fat I can go on disability and have to braid my hair and be buried in a piano crate.

Well, if you are going down that road, I’ll just have to join you. Here’s Edy’s Grand French Vanilla and Fudge Pie[sup]TM[/sup] in your eye.

The week before last Jewel had buy-one-get-one-free on Ben & Jerry’s. I still have several pints left in the freezer, which I’m trying to ration out until the next sale.

I was looking at the label of the last pint I ate and noticed that there are supposed to be four servings per pint. Has anyone actually eaten only a quarter-pint of B&J (or any other ice cream, for that matter)? I’m lucky if I can force myself to get two servings to a pint.

I’m sorry, Eve. You are not permitted to complain about your day at work. My day at work was so bad, I’m still here.

I will, however, pick up a pint of Godiva’s Dark Chocolate ice cream on the way home. Two hundred and eighty calories per half cup. Wheee!

I have three more packs of Ghiardelli’s Chocolate Brownie mix in the cupboard. It is screaming at me. I am putting my hands over my ears and singing “Lalalalalalala” or something very much like that.
Thankfully it’s too late to start baking.
Is it ever really too late to bake brownies?
You people are not making it easy to keep singing.

Eve -

Snickers bars are not worth falling off the wagon.

Chee-tos are not worth falling off the wagon.

Twizzlers are not worth falling off the wagon.

Edy’s Swiss Orange, on the other hand… well, I’ve never had it, but it definitely sounds like it’s worth falling off the wagon.

(And I appreciate the Margaret Cho reference very, very much.)

Oh, and I meant to add, I have three more packs because I bought a box with 4 packs in it from BJ’s (Like Costco or Sam’s Club, big warehouse store with membership requirement, not sure if it’s a national chain or not) for some ridiculously low price like $4.50. A single pack in the grocery store costs $2.50-$2.99. So I had to buy it. Strictly a financial decision based on cost-effectiveness.
The kids already baked one pack. I did feel obligated to eat some, just so their feelings wouldn’t be hurt. I know, I know, the sacrifices I make for my kids are incredible.

Some of us fall off the wagon, some of us have decided that we’re going to take a headfirst running leap…

I have been off sweets since February, trying to be healthier and lose a little weight.

Until day before yesterday, when I ran amok through a pan of double chocolate chocolate chip brownies frosted with sour-cream frosting.

I ate the whole pan. I intend to flagellate myself with self-loathing, but I have to wait until my hands stop shaking from the sugar high.

My god. Just posting that horrifies me. But, alas, it is true.

I. Ate. The. Whole. Pan.

Was it the best. pan. evar?

LurkMeister wrote:
“I was looking at the label of the last pint I ate and noticed that there are supposed to be four servings per pint. Has anyone actually eaten only a quarter-pint of B&J (or any other ice cream, for that matter)? I’m lucky if I can force myself to get two servings to a pint.”

Yeah, I routinely eat only a quarter-pint of ice cream, and am astonished by the capacity of individuals to pack away a whole pint in one sitting.

Emmm, what’s orange swiss? Izzat a sherbert?

I ask because it’s reminded me that I’ve not bought a single scoop of mango-apricot sherbert from Thrifty’s this summer. This sorry state of affairs cannot continue another day.

Oh, and I’m also one of those freaks can only eat a quarter pint of ice cream at a time. In fact, four or five spoons full and I’m done. Wish that worked with other foods!

I can stop at a few spoonsful, but my husband doesn’t even bother with a bowl. He just takes the whole carton and sits with it until it’s gone. Sometimes I have to beg him to save a few measly bits for me. But he usually glares at me and says NO. Fucker. (and I mean that in the NICEST way!)

My mother—who actually does not like ice cream!!—once asked, “Why can’t you just have a spoonful or two and put the rest away?” After I finished laughing, I told her, “I take the lid off the pint and throw the lid away. The lid will never be needed again. Its job is done.”

Oh, Edy’s Swiss Orange is orange sorbet with chocolate chips. Sounds awful, but is heaven.

Mmmm…I love orange and chocolate. Like those orange/chocolate candies that you can SMACK on the table to separate the slices (meant to resemble orange slices, I guess). Pretty tasty stuff!

I prefer a raspberry sorbet with vanilla ice cream on a hot summer day. Mmmm…delish!

Everyday around 4:00 a truck comes to my office with the best soft ice cream in the universe.

Picture a bunch of dignified business people suddenly screaming “ice cream” and turning into five year olds. We had to ban cones cause they made too big a mess, so we all sit eating dishes of great ice cream and going over the day’s events.

Ice cream is great, but what might work better to keep you on the wagon is to go for a nice filet steak - much fewer carbs and fat, very delicious so you feel like you’re getting a treat, and less likely to sit on the hips. Add some roasted red peppers for an extra 20 calories or so…let’s see - the ice cream is about $4 a tub, a half-pound filet is about $4, a red pepper for $0.50, skip the bacon (too much fat)…it’s close in price, but it requires that you cook, sadly.

I just noticed yesterday at the store near my apartment they sell a 12-14oz grilled ribeye steak with rice and a fountain drink for $3.99 on Wednesdays. My toehold on the wagon is trembling . . .

Eve, as long as you don’t end up having to wash yourself with a rag on a stick I think you’ll be okay.

Oh, don’t feel too bad about falling off the wagon. I’ve been on Atkins since December and over the couple of weeks or so, not only have I fallen off the wagon, but I have also been run over by both the horses and the wagon and by everyone else’s wagon behind mine. I’m just a shapeless lump lying on the wagon trail now. Luckily, I still have enough strength left to get the spoon from the container of Moosetracks to my mouth.