The end of this quote says it all: spend your time living, don’t waste your time looking. Living, and having fun doing it, is attractive to women (so I’m told). Something about confidence = sexy or something like that. You don’t deserve to be treated like a ‘back-up BF’/human kleenex, so waste no more of your time on this woman*.
*She spent nights with you, made out with you, and gets angry when your feelings get hurt by her picking up a guy right in front of you!?
Repeat after me three times: "Begone, Foul Wench…!"
…And after you’re done laughing, go outside & play.
I read somewhere that there is no such thing as a platonic relationship between a man and a woman unless they’re related,one of thems a senior citizen and the other isn’t or one of them is pig ugly.
Was she really so naive that she didn’t realise that by hanging out with you all the time she was leading you on ?
Or was she maybe getting a cheap thrill from teasing you with the copout that she wasn’t actually giving you any sort of commitment ?
Your well shot of her mate ,go out and find yourself a decent girl whos worthy of your attention and you will forget about her pretty soon trust me on this ,I was young once myself believe it or not .
Might I reccomend making an honest-to-god letter? It doesn’t have to e anything really special. Just express that you really, really do like her. And maybe kinda not-at-all maybe really do want to become something more serious. Say that you understand if she can’t be that, but make it clear that you really do care, and deeply, and that if she changes her mind she can?
And then, drop it. No contact, give her what she asks for. She might find very quickly that maybe she does return the emotion, and just hasn’t realized it.
Seriously. Am I wrong that all of the responses that justify criticizing this girl are all from men? Cuz, I can tell you I’ve known several women (including myself) that would we quite willing to engage in behavior of this sort with absolutely no agenda of leading on or teasing.
Yes, I know it’s rare, but it’s possible. Of course, if the roles were reversed, and it was a gal who came in mortified that she’d made a scene in a bar, etc. you’d all be saying that she was well-rid of a man who was clearly leading her on, right?
Are you guys forgetting that **pool ** started this whole thing platonically and later developed feelings for this girl? If he’d never started to “like her like her” he just posted about how he had this great thing going with this girl who he really like spending time with, drinking with, and occassionally making out with would you all be posting comments like the above?
And pool’s post isn’t clear that she was pissed because he expressed feelings for her. She could have been saying she was pissed because he embarrassed her in a bar.
I’ve had a fuck buddy before that I actually spent time with beyond just fucking (which **pool ** and this girl were not), and I can tell you if he got mad at me for talking to some guy while we were out together I’d be pissed too! If they’d spent that much time together and there were no pledges of commitment or any kind of expressed obligations beyond what two friends owe each other, I’d be pissed too that suddenly the nature of the relationship is changed without warning. I’d be pissed that my guy buddy didn’t either bring it up when the feelings first started happening so that I knew where I stood so I could make the best decision for me, or place restrictions or end the relationship if I couldn’t return those feelings, or have the balls to end it himself if he knew that’s how I felt (evidenced by talking to a guy in a bar when I’m out with my buddy!).
I hate to break it to you guys, but there are most assuredly women out there who can spend time with a guy, drink with a guy, make out with a guy and not give one whit for the guy romantically. And not be conniving or irrational at the same time.
Or one of them is gay. Why do you think so many straight women have gay male friends? Because sometimes it’s nice to be 100% sure the guy you’re talking to isn’t just smiling and nodding and waiting for you to shut up and do him already.
Perhaps he was the one being naive. Women are often accused of having unrealistic expectations fueled by rom-coms and romance novels, but I’ve seen the same sort of behaviour from guys (like the OP), sure that if they make some ‘grand gesture’ their feelings will be reciprocated.
Being the object of someone’s crush is not always fun. It’s uncomfortable to be placed on a pedestal, especially knowing you may be blamed if you fall from it, and going from good friend to object of desire rarely comes with increased respect for someone as a person, an equal. When a woman says she wants to be ‘just friends,’ it is not always an insult.
I suppose it did take guts if living without telling her was unbearable, but he had to know it could go either way. If he wants to save face/continue the friendship, he should do his best to laugh it off, blame it on the booze, and quickly develop a new crush on a girl across the room.
ETA: Oh, and I’ve made out with guy friends ‘for practice’ plenty. You know, so I wouldn’t get rusty.
I would bet dollars to donuts she’s pissed about a scene in the bar, not the about the fact that OP has feelings for her. Or better said, if she’s the type to pissed off at a guy for having a crush on her, she is probably even more pissed of at the same guy for playing the part of the jealous boyfriend. If you do decide to get in touch with her, I would again offer a heartfelt apology about the bar, and do not mention a crush. And don’t ask if you can still be friends or something along those lines, she’s probably not in the mood to answer questions like that. Just apologize, let her stew it over, and see if she comes back. Give her a few days, its possible she’ll calm down and you can at least go back to being friendly acquaintances.
And I totally agree, now its over and you know how things stand, that’s worth a lot.
Absolutely. Especially since, you know, that’s what she actually SAID she was upset about. Maybe you should actually listen to her?
Unfounded jealousy on the part of a guy whom I have a ‘casual’ relationship with is a total deal-breaker. And if he makes a scene about it? Even more so.
So, it’s ok for pool (not to single you out pool, really. I’m not aiming the cannon at you. I’ve been exactly where you are.) to be the other half of this duo but she’s the one sending mixed signals???
Well I had class with her on Monday. We sat in the same seats next to each other but she wouldn’t so much as look in my direction or talk to me. I waited for her after class to just say something to her but she must have been avoiding me and gone the other direction. I felt I had to at least say something so I called her and left her a message saying I understood if she didn’t want to hang out with me anymore but I thought it was ridiculous that we couldn’t even talk to each other at school.
She never returned my call so I guess that is that. If she doesn’t want to have any type of contact with me that is her decision. I’m going to continue sitting where I always do and if she wants to ignore me thats fine. The worst part is the more I think about it I think maybe it was purely infatuation from spending so much time together, rather than true romantic feelings after thinking things over more rationally. Its going to be a long semester. I hope one day we can at least talk again, not sure thats going to happen though.
Dump her (or be dumped) but move On.
Do Not pass messages on her answering machine.
Do Not collect brownie points for sitting in the ‘same chair’ in class.
Yes, you are hurt but its over. You can’t ‘make’ her do anything but file a restraining order, which stalker-type behavior like the above tends to inspire. Worse, your rep as a psycho will spread faster than Ebola through Daycare. Girls who don’t even know you yet on campus will hear about you chasing her and steer a wide birth of you, possibly with camera-phone pics of your tear-stained mug. Its barely October; can you still Add/Drop this course…? I bet its offered again next Spring and if not, next Fall.
You’re in a dive with your engines on fire. Stop trying to regain control; you can’t. You’re Done. Bail!!!
I get what you’re saying but trust me it isn’t like that. The phone message was my last attempt at communicating with her. There will not be any others. Its over and I accept that I just wanted to be able to say that I tried. Drop the class? Good god man no way that would be stupid. I’m not going to throw away my money and time because someone in my class won’t talk to me.
Good News! She called me this morning and we talked about things for around half an hour. I told her how I felt my feelings for her weren’t really legitimate but how it was more infatuation from us hanging out all the time. So we’re friends again we just won’t be drinking together. Everything worked out.
Dude, this thread is not yet closed. You had it figured out, you’d cut the strings, you were doing ALL The things that the folks with mileage told you to. I suspect everything’s NOT worked out yet…c’est la vie.
And you’re going to date other women so you won’t be thinking about her every waking minute and mooning over her when you think she’s not looking and drawing your name and hers in a little heart together in your notebook, right?
