So when I was last here, I was lamenting about my job search. I lost my job abruptly after being fired for being scapegoated on a bad project. I was job hunting hard and really down in the dumps about it. Well, in May, I found a job! But it’s in Wisconsin and, at the time, I was living in Michigan. The company gave me a moving stipend so I picked up and moved but it wasn’t that easy. See, when I lost my job, we were in the process of buying a trailer. A process we ultimately completed (though I regret now). So I had this new job and this new house, what was I to do? We decided to move only half our family up, myself and my 3 yr old son, at this time, while my husband and 10 yr old daughter stayed behind to make payments on the house and fix it up to sell or rent out. We think this arrangement will be in place until next July.
So far, the job has been good, but the life situation has been lonely and stressful. I have no friends or support structure here. Without my husband, I get no breaks from the toddler. But I don’t regret taking this job. It pays better, a lot better, than my old one did and the people are great. I just wish I had the rest of my family with me.
Just had to share what I’ve been up to while I’ve been away.
This will be a stressful time. It ranks right under a death in the family as the most stressful times in life.
Take it slow . You’ll make friends.
Seek out parents of toddlers. So you can set up playdates.
Maybe find a gym with a children’s playroom.
I agree with this. I am not a parent, but my sense is that people with kids develop friendships with other parents of kids of the same age. Sometimes those turn into long-time friendships (among the parents if not the children).
Yes, almost all our friends are parents of our kid’s friends from age 3-8. She wouldn’t recognize half the kids nowadays, and certainly isn’t friends with any of them.
I’m doing my best to find other parents but a lot of mom’s groups meet while I’m working. I am so awkward and just plain bad at making friends.
So I did join Bumble for Friends, which is a dating app but for friends. I’ve talked to some people and met with one person. She seemed nice and I think I’ll see her again. But one other person tried to recruit me into a cult sooooo the app experience has been mixed.
Congratulations on the new job, I hope it makes a huge difference to your life after the misery of the last job. Are there local clubs or playgroups that you could take your toddler to? Would your work be amenable to some flexible working arrangements to allow you to establish some kind of support/friendship network? Are there people at work who have similar age kids you could socialist with?
I’m in a college town so there ought to be something. I’ll see what I find.
I work for a smaller company and there doesn’t seem to be anyone else with children my son’s age. But I am slowly becoming closer with my coworkers. I joined a work book club but have had to miss some meetings due to my son.
You gotta find a local FIB, a Friendly Illinois Buddy. They’ll come up north to help give you advice on the best fishing spots. And Pack tix. And grouse about how unfair it is the Bears are 2-8 so far this year. And sell you a bike pass, free use of bicycles anywhere in the state.
You merely have to find one who doesn’t live where Jasmine commutes. She wrote the universal sign is the finger. Everyone else in Illinois is a Bonhomme Richard.
But I agree that you need some friends and they’ll act as local guides.
The nice thing about a college town is that there’s a good chance that your future friends will be well-educated.
Hmm, is it a decent-sized town like Madison, medium like ‘Point’ or Eau Claire, or a smaller one like Menominee?
I started going to a church (a very liberal Lutheran one where no one’s ever asked me what I believe… after a while, I mentioned that I didn’t believe “a lot of that stuff” to the pastor, and he said “That’s okay. Would you want to go to a church where everyone believed the same?”). But they have nice brunches once a month, a really fun Parent’s Group (tends younger), a crazy (but older) Women’s Group, and bike rides that end at ice cream spots. Oh, and Game Nights (Settlers, Ticket To Ride, etc.).
But what’s actually worked the best for me is stopping by the same coffee spot on the way to work, or on the weekends. I said hi to the regulars and now (ok, after a year) I am one.
Oh, and if you tell someone you’re new in town, people in Wisconsin canNOT resist talking to you, and giving you advice.
Heck, ask anyone where the best fish fry is, but only if you want to start a discussion that’ll end up including everyone.
Now, ask where the best place to get a brat is … you’ll end up invited to their patio for the next “everyone in the neighborhood bring something over” cookout.
I live in Menomonie. It’s a cute town but small. It does have a Walmart AND an Aldi. But it’s a lot different than the Detroit area where I came from. I’m not unhappy with the area. And I have found that just by musing loudly that you need help with something does get you help from strangers on the street.
I did join a church. They are great people. I just run into my own awkwardness and the fact that my son is really clingy and doesn’t really allow me to socialize when I’m around him. He wants me to give him attention all the time.
I’ll try asking where to find a good brat though. Maybe I’ll find some good company that way.