Like all the nightmares about him, it’s not about the bad things he did - never hit me, but hella emotionally manipulative, wanted to make me into someone else, deliberately attempted to destroy my belief that people are basically good in the name of making me “less naive”. (I was 17)
No, in the nightmares we’re back together or we’ve just run into each other and everything is like it was in the good times - laughing together, cuddling, finishing each other’s sentences, flirting (or more)…and I wake from them and that’s where the terror/anger/depression kicks in, and I feel like I need a shower, and I hate myself for being so weak that some part of me wants to go back to him.
It’s been a long time since I had that sort of nightmare. The last time I spoke to him was in the early '90s. I thought they were gone, but apparently every 5 years or so my subconscious decides to remind me of that time.
This morning I’m fuzzy headed, passive, out of it. I need to focus and get work done, but so far no luck.
My mother, who’s way into dreams, says that all the people who show up in your dreams represent some part of you. By her interpretation, the dream wouldn’t mean that part of you wants to go back to him; it would mean that you want to recapture some part of yourself that corresponds to whatever you associate with the good part of that relationship. Like, if he was good at being silly or at making you be silly, maybe you feel like you’ve lost touch with the silly side of yourself and want to reconnect with it. Take that for whatever it’s worth.
Agreed. My ex pops up in my dreams from time to time, sometimes in a way where things are very normal between us (usually right up until I am about to wake up). The fact is, no matter what I think of her now, there were times when we had a good relationship, and I don’t think much of the fact that my brain cycles through some of that occasionally. It’s certainly not something my conscious mind longs for.
Had a number of dreams about suddenly being back together as a couple with my violently insane ex-wife. Most of the time reality would suddenly dawn on me in the dream and I’d wake up upset.
All I could think was that I was dreaming of missing the good stuff we had, then the bad stuff made me realize that I could never get that back. Not with her.