The problem must be dealt with at its root. And I believe that this widespread hatred of Christmas music would not exist without “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”. Like a cancer, the unpleasantness from this insipid tune spreads to all other Christmas carols around it, making them unlistenable as well.
So please. Destroy “Rockin…” whenever you can.
I pity all you non-Swedish speakers who can’t fully enjoy Adolphson & Falk’s Mer Jul. I actually keep it in rotation out of season. Possibly the only actually decent Christmas song ever. IMHO, of course.
And don’t miss the amazing bowtie!
Maybe Reindeer Room?
:eek:
Want. 
I’d love to slip this into the rotation at the mall…
[sub]Why is it always tentacles?[/sub]
This is similar to a rant I was going to post, so I’ll put it here:
Look, we know you have a good range… but for GOD’S FUCKING SAKE you do NOT have to arpeggiate starting on every note of the chromatic scale just to sing the word “and” if it’s longer than an eighth note. It’s just show-offy and overloads my non-chord tone senses to the breaking point. Grace notes or the occasional neighboring group are fine and can enhance the piece, random warbling does not do anything other than make me go homicidal.
The above rant also applies to the sustained (well, supposed to be sustained) high concert F in the Star Spangled Banner.
…barking “Jingle Bells”.
Word on this. The only listenable stuff is the religious and the classical stuff. The popular religious stuff is still overplayed but at least it has something going on compositionally. The kiddie stuff is annoying, but I can tolerate it for the sake of my kids and some of it has stories (Rudolf, Frosty) that are engaging to children.
I think category 2 is the absolute worst, in particular, the 50’s, 60’s era easy listening standards like “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” and “Holly fucking Jolly Christmas,” and “I’ll Be Home for fucking Christmas,” and the one about the chestnuts on the open fucking fire. All that kind of crap. It has nothing to say musically, religiously or whimsically. It’s just bland, colorless, insipid musical mayonnaise.
Who the hell roasts chestnuts on an open fire, anyway? Nobody fucking does that. What are they talking about. Jack Frost nipping at my nose? Not if Jack Frost doesn’t want his ass kicked.
Another thing that sucks – none of the Christmas songs with the word “rock” in the title ever come close to rocking?
Then who is buying these things?
Anyone that’s ever worked retail at a place where they had contemporary Christmas music playing over the PA should be given one free killing spree. I would use mine on Burl Ives, were he not already dead.
I bet the only reason anyone does that is to imitate the song.
I kinda liked the really off-kilter Garmin commercials that bastardized “Carol of the Bells”.
The “need a waxing now, got a unibrow” line kills me.
Then I guess the original owner of thiswas just 100 years ahead of his time.
I hate them too.
I find comfort in Carol of the Bells, which has, imho, an interesting history.
I love a full choral performance of the piece, because my ear gets lost in the music, losing track of the (Christian) lyrics of the rounds. It becomes human voices as abstract instrument. It has always been my favorite carol.
Come to find out, the music was traditional Ukrainian folk music celebrating ancient pagan New Year.
The lyrics and popular American arrangement are a translated derivative of lyrics originally penned by an orthodox priest.
All of this enhances my own peculiar (quasi-pagan) appreciation for the music. I highly recommend listening to the original Ukrainian a cappella piece. It is called Shchedryk.
This is the only carol I need.
Yeah, some of the kiddie ones are cute, and the kids get a kick out of them, so that’s cool. The only problem with them is that they lie…not that they tell the story of Santa and all that, I don’t mind those kind of fairy stories. No, I’m talking about BIG lies. I heard “Here Comes Santa Claus” today, and one of the lines is: “He doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, he loves you just the same.” Ask any poor kid over the age of 8…he’ll tell you that line is a load of crap.
Seriously, if I never heard any of the songs in category 2 for the rest of my life, I would not miss them one bit. I heard “White Christmas” yesterday, and really, I couldn’t care less about it. It’s not a good song…it’s sentimental crap. And I LIKE sentimental crap, so that shows how bad it truly is. And if there’s anything worse than the sentimental crap, it’s the stuff that’s supposed to be “rockin.”
My husband was in Target with our daugher last week. She said, “Daddy, this music is pretty.” The song that was playing was “Silent Night.” See, you Musak people? Even a 4 year old can appreciate a decent song!
I was lucky to hear my favorite carol “O Holy Night” on the radio today. It was sandwiched in between some lame Dolly Parton/Kenny Rogers duet that I’ve never heard before and, of course “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” And it wasn’t even the original version, which I think is Andy Williams. It was some other version, which means that there was someone else who actually took the trouble to record that awful, awful song.
This atheist agrees with the point about religious holiday music. If I were in charge, I would play “Adeste Fideles” a hundred times for every instance of “Feliz Fucking Navi Fucking Dad.”
Really, there’s only one carol you’ll ever need:
cards not responsible for any brain damage due to ear worms
My best-ex-boyfriend-ever gave me a mix CD of favorite Christmas songs in the vein we all seem to enjoy: some mix of classically composed, religious, or just flippin’ weird. The Veggie Tales’ “He Is Born, The Holy Child” is really freaking entertaining and can cheer me up out of almost any mood.
My favorite from the set is one I had never heard before, that nobody else has probably heard either. It’s a poem by someone called Carol Christopher Drake that’s incredibly haunting and beautiful, sung a capella in a round with maybe, conceivably, a drum somewhere faintly in the background. It’s very short, so here:
Shit, I just realized that since my iPod got lost I don’t have that song anymore and I can’t get it. Shit. SHIT. 
Or those old English ones: “The Holly and the Ivy”, “I Saw Three Ships”, “I Wonder as I Wander”. Or “We Three Kings.” Or “Brightest and Best of the Sons of the Morning.” Or even “Go Tell It on the Mountain.” Of course Handel is completely out of the question. In the supermarket this weekend I heard an actually half-decent recording of “Do You Hear What I Hear?” and was so surprised and pleased I lingered to hear the whole thing.
But if stores played more religious music, two things might happen: Nonbelievers could get offended. Just as bad, believers might be moved, and start reflecting on their beliefs, and wondering if they’re really honoring the Savior’s birth by stampeding for an extra 15% off a programmable deluxe toaster. Then the believer might go home, and start sending money to a food bank instead of spending it. Sure it’s unlikely, but it can’t be risked. So crappy secular music it is.
My permanent hate is “Winter Wonderland.” The only plan I’m making walking in a winter wonderland is to find, disembowel, and stuff in a snowbank the next person who’s even THINKING of making yet another recording of this faux-coy cutesy-poo shit-dribble of a song.