I hate Christmas carols, bastardized Christmas carols

This is the one I wish they’d play on the PA at the mall…

Was it the version by “The Miserable Offenders”? They are a duet of Episcopalian women who perform with some unusual instruments such as Tibetan singing bowls and tongue drums. They recorded a CD “Keepin’ the Baby Awake” in 1996 with that song on it.

This page:

http://anglicansonline.org/archive/special/mo.html

has a .wav file of them singing “Angels We Have Heard on High”, maybe you can see if they are the same singers as the recording you are looking for. If so, the CD is still available at:

http://www.churchpublishing.org/products/index.cfm?fuseaction=productDetail&productID=1829

Maybe this one, to the WW tune, will make you laugh:

Marking up my Winter Wonderland
(to the Tune of “Winter Wonderland”)
Dog tags ring, are you listenin’?
In the lane snow is glistenin’.
It’s yellow, not white - I’ve been there tonight,
marking up my winter wonderland.

Smell that tree? That’s my fragrance.
It’s a sign for wand’ring vagrants:
“Avoid where I pee, it’s my property!
Marked up as my winter wonderland.”

In the meadow Dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I’ll lift my leg and let it go, man,
so all the world will know it’s mine-mine-mine!

Straight from me to the fencepost,
flows my natural incense boast:
“Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth.
I mark it as my winter wonderland.”

I just realized that the name of the song didn’t come out in the quote, but I meant “What Is the Crying at Jordan”, written by Carol Christopher Drake.

I recommend you follow the link (supplied by FishNya) A Very Scary Christmas. “The Carol of The Olde Ones” gives the old tune Lovecraftian lyrics.

And I’ll add another vote for the old fashioned Christmas tunes. I know the Latin lyrics to O Come All Ye Faithful (Adeste Fideles). Of course, Handel rules.

But I do like some of the newer classics.

How else is an oozing mass of eyeballs and mouths supposed to stay on the roof?

[sub]thanks for reminding me to pull my HPLHS cds out[/sub]

Holy crap, you’re my hero!

Stands and applauds.

Well said!!!

I might try to get Bing to record my voicemail message before I clocked him one, but yeah…

Sadly, can’t follow youtube links at work. Anyone recommended Jonathan Coulton’s “Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime” yet?

Hey, at least it’s cool weather for most of you lot. Imagine being in Australia, hearing ‘Winter Wonderland’ and it’s bloody hot outside.

On the other hand, anything referencing snow and ‘blazing fires’ is entertaining, at least from the point of view that at that time of year, our blazing fires extend across the horizon… :wink:

Really? I always thought Christmas traditions in Australia would be all about barbeques and bikinis at the beach. Or pool parties. More how Americans celebrate Independence day (4July) only with church and gifts. Plum ice-cream, rather than plum pudding.

:eek:

That song was on the mix CD as well. And I think they might be the right people. They have that lovely melancholy voice-tone.

If you have need of children, I would be pleased to bear them.

Well, that’s a wonderful offer, but I’m afraid that 55 is a little late to start raising children. :wink:

Anyway, I’m thanking you for introducing me to this group. They have a unique enough sound that I went ahead and ordered the CD based on the sample that was there. I checked with the company today, and they said it was back-ordered, but it should be in soon. If you absolutely have to have it right away, I saw it on Amazon at the inflated price of about $45. I didn’t need it that bad, so I’m waiting for it to be available at the list price of about $18.

Nah. There’s been a few attempts to ‘Austral-ify’ standard Christmas songs, but then they always go to the opposite extreme.

As a rule, Australianised songs tend to fall into a couple of distinct categories:

**1. Kangaroos and other wildlife-related crap. **

About the only wildlife you’ll see in the suburbs is possums, and while they’re pretty darned cute, you can’t just slap a Santa hat on them and call them ‘Christmas’.

2. Yobbo songs - all about wearing thongs (the flip-flop footwear variety) and drinking beer.

Sometimes, flies are mentioned.
**
3. ‘Rural Australia’**: songs involving driving utes (‘farm trucks’), usually with a cattle dog on the back.

It’s all pretty tragic, really.

I just have one small thing I’d like to add.

Last Christmas by Wham! is not a motherfucking Christmas song! Do you hear me, Clear Channel?! It’s not a motherfucking Christmas song. It has no business being played any time of year, but it definitely has no business being played around Christmas. Just because “Christmas” is in the title doesn’t make it a motherfucking Christmas song! For example, The Apartment is set around Christmas, but would you play a freaking The Apartment marathon on TBS on Christmas Eve? No? Because it wouldn’t be appropriate? Neither is that motherfucking song!

I have mostly neutral feelings about George Michael, but he needs to pay for that so-called song.

Oh, thank heavens someone started this thread. I’m atheist. I like classic carols. There’s nothing like “Adeste Fideles” sung by a church choir. Holiday music, however, puts me into a deep homicidal rage. This is the time of year when I start thinking that I’d like to learn to raise the dead - just so that I could kill the composers of “Winter Wonderland” and “Santa Claus is Coming To Town” and then do it all over again.

Bites When Provoked, there are some excellent Australian Christmas carols - “Carol of the Birds” and “The Three Drovers” come to mind. And you have to admit, the Australian Twelve Days of Christmas are pretty funny.

May I suggest a few alternatives?

Fountains of Wayne:

Chanukah Under The Stars

I Want An Alien For Christmas

Man in the Santa Suit - Most mature and satisfying out of all three.

Jonathan Coulton:

Podsafe Christmas - ala David Seville

Chiron Beta Prime

Christmas Is Interesting

I invite everyone to listen to my special Christmas Hep Imp Show on Christmas morning from 1 to 3 am. I promise a rather different take on all your Christmas un-favorites. Santa can be a bit…scary.

Hmm. I’ll have to look into the first two - thanks! :slight_smile: