Maybe alice_in_wonderland just wants to be supportive and possibly befriend someone doing something that takes courage or at least takes not being a complete sheeple? After reading her posts over the years, that fits with my impression of her much better than what you suggest.
Uh, no. I’m not being condescending.
There is a person undergoing what can only be a hell of a massive, stressful undertaking in my workplace and is doing so with grace and style. My post was just meant to share - I certainly don’t plan on cornering this person in the washroom and giving her ('cus if she’s in the washroom with me then she’s a her) tips on clothing or makeup.
Good grief people certainly do like to find things to become outraged about.
Also, I’m quite sure that this person is neither closeted nor gay and is, in fact, transexual. I suppose their transition is not really my business but it’s happening right in front of me and I can’t really help but notice. I have no plans to jump this person and demand to know what they’re doing - I am just silently supporting someone who is likely going though a very stressful time. I know, I know, I’m a big fat bitch.
Also, Zhen’ka, please take your dictionary and shove it up your…dress.
I don’t know - it’s a VERY masculine suit - really something that a stuffy old banker would wear. Very expensive, dark grey pinstriped suit.
For a while there people were really doing double takes - here was a well dressed man, in a posh suit, with a moustashe and mullet wearing women’s shoes. You’d scan down and admire the suit and then think ‘Hummm, there’s something a little odd about this outfit.’
I guess maybe you could use the usual standard for behaviour when you’re not really sure what the right course is - if you were involved in something personal, emotional, and obvious, what response would YOU like from your co-workers? If it’s someone you chat with casually, maybe you could say something like you like their shoes - innocuous enough, but it gives the message that you’re positive towards them and willing to talk about the elephant in the room.
Flaming other posters is NOT allowed outside the BBQ Pit. Any more of this and I’ll lock this thread.
You REALLY have to strain those pretty eyes to see any of that in my post.
I am talking about people I have known, and being friends with, for more than 20 years. Excuse me if I am a little disappointed that they don’t trust me to be open-minded enough.
Mind you, I would probably just say “Yes, I knew. I am cool with it. Please pass the onion dip…” if they ever came out to me. It’s a non-issue to me.
Several years ago I worked with someone who was transitioning. He had a lot of trouble with the washroom issue as the men didn’t want “her” using their room. I was completely amazed at how hostile people were. Confused I can understand but why on earth would it make someone mad? Anyhow, he seemed to be grateful for anyone who would even smile at him and greet him by name politely and just all around treat him normally, so probably the person in Alice’s office would be too. (And Alice, you sure are right that people seem to be looking for things to be outraged about these days. Wearing on the nerves, isn’t it.)
My former place of employment had a situation like what this appears to be. But the person transitioning went to HR first (before anything big changed, any way. His ears were pierced, and he was wearing eyeliner and nail polish for weeks beforehand), and they devised an appropriate strategy for making the transition easier for both the employee and the co-workers. A very well written and very correct email was sent out to everyone explaining that He was going to be She starting Monday. They gave us her new name, suggested appropriate ways of interacting, announced she would be using the women’s bathroom (specifically the handicapped stall, since we didn’t have anyone else who used it by necessity), and explained that she was required to live as a women for (I think) a year before they did the gender reassignment, and that she had the company’s support.
Monday morning she came in with her hair and makeup done, earrings I was ready to knock her off her heels for, and a very tasteful skirt and blouse. We bonded over earrings and nail polish in the break room after she stopped me one day to find out where I bought that fabulous shade of nail polish. She had a difficult time of it when they started the hormone therapy, but the women she was friends with (and the one flaming queen in my department) gave her chocolate and hugs.
I didn’t really know him, but she was a lot of fun. I’d known a couple of people who had gone through gender reassignment, but I hadn’t ever been there for the beginning. I don’t know how to put this really. I learned something from the experience. I’ve never been a very girly girl, but she kinda wanted to be, so I guess I got in touch with my girly side. I think I’m better for it. And I got a really great friend out of the deal.
alice, I believe in your good intentions, and I think your heart is in the right place, but I’m not sure that you’re going about this in the right way.
You don’t know this person at all. If not for these changes in his/her appearance, it sounds like you probably wouldn’t be considering making better acquaintance. And so, you ought to tread carefully to avoid giving the impression that you’re only interested in the transition and not the person behind it, i.e., seeing a project rather than a friend.
Basically, I think you might just be overthinking the matter a bit. If you want to be this person’s friend, be his/her friend like you would with any person. Say hello, get to know each other, etc. Don’t make it about the transition.