I’m in a new job, one I rather enjoy, for a small privately-owned company. I don’t know my coworkers very well yet, but they seem a nice lot and we’ve had no problems. I’ve been pleasant and keeping my mouth shut (which, as you know, requires more than superhuman effort from me, as I suffer from Weisenheimer’s disease).
Several times, though, they’ve been throwing “tranny” jokes around. “How’d ya manage to get in with the strike?” “Oh, I just picked up a coupla trannies by the tunnel to fill up my car!” “Did you see that picture of Janet Jackson? Christ, she looks like a tranny!” That sort of thing. I’m not going to do anything or say anything; they’re nice folks and they’d be horrified (and probably defensive) if I brought it up. And one of them is leaving next month anyway. And no, my boss would not give a damn.
Anyone else have this go on at their office? Any black Dopers hear “nigger” jokes, Jewish Dopers hear cracks about “kikes?” What do you do, other than cringe inside and feel a little depressed?
In my case it’d be midget jokes. I haven’t heard anything yet, though. If I did, what I’d like to do is ask them to stop, and if it happens again, go to management.
IRL, though, I’d probably just cringe and get depressed.
If I were you, I would go home and fantasize that someone very, very close to them is going to come out, and in their emotional turmoil they will have to tell SOMEONE, and they will instantly think of their lovely feminine wise co-worker and come to you, And Then They’ll Be Sorry!
Barring details, that’s approximately what I did when one of my co-workers started aimlessly complaining that she was treated badly because she’s a bisexual pagan*. Of course, she has no idea I’m bi, or poly…probably because I don’t blurt it out on every occasion.
Corrvin
*No, it was because she made crappy remarks to the Christians in the office about their faith, because she announced that she and her fiance were seeking someone to have a threesome with (did I mention how VERY small an office this is?) and because a patient can’t say “God bless you” to her without her getting offended. No one’s been NEARLY as snarky to her as she deserves.
I’m working with a lot of late teen/early 20-year-olds so I hear “that’s so gay” more than I care to. If I were going to be working with these idiots on a more permanent basis I would say something about it but since this is a temp job, will be winding down in the near future and they’re looking for excuses to fire people (they fired someone last week for looking at his cell phone), I just try to ignore it.
I am, however, morbidly fascinated that “trannies” would somehow become the default joke for multiple people.
I certainly had to put up with more than my share of gay jokes before coming out (yeah, I was able to “pass”), plus comments about Jewish people, and I can really empathize with your situation.
When I finally did come out, it was in defense of a coworker whom they thought was a lesbian (I knew she wasn’t). I simply pointed out to them that if they had any issues, they should be directed toward me, not her. I’m sure the jokes continued, of course behind my back. But I felt a whole lot better about things in general.
I’m not quite clear re your OP. They don’t know you’re a transgendered person, and are cracking wise about “trannies”, or they do and aren’t considering the fact that you may be sensitive about these comments.
I thought tranny was short for transmission, like in a car. But even now that I know (guessing from the context of this thread only) that it’s also short for transgendered person, how does picking up a couple of them help you get to work during a transit strike?
Some lanes on busy, clogged roads are reserved for multi-occupant (car pooling) vehicles. Some people with no passengers resort to using blow up dolls to try to fake the police out when using these lanes. Offering people rides is another way to fill the car.
I don’t understand the reactions in this thread. Surely you’re not offended when you hear jokes about whatever group you belong to. Jokes are usually told without malice. I mean they’re jokes.
Should I be offended when somebody says “Hey, the russian’s here, we’re going to need more vodka.” or “The fatso is here, hide the pie.”? Isn’t the whole point of making fun of any group is to eliminate any kind of tension that there might be on the subject? Should I feel bad about making fun of sexual orientations, genders, races, body types, faces, etc. of people to their face? I don’t think I’ve offended anybody before…
If they were saying nigger jokes, I would tell them to stop. And I hope I would have the courage to do this even if I wasn’t black.
The guys I work with are very “macho” and constantly tell “gay” jokes. One day, I questioned them about this behavior and I told them how I felt about it. They didn’t stop completely, but the anti-gay vitriol did drop noticeably in my presence. (They probably all think I’m gay now)…
The way I look at it: they are making you feel uncomfortable. Why should your comfort be less important than theirs?
You could, in an off-hand way, ask why they use “tranny” like that. You could feign ignorance and ask what it means. Maybe the simple act of asking them about it while make them more conscientious and they will stop.
Or you can be ballsy and tell them to please stop.
I used to work at a magazine and one day the boss (who was a prime dickhead anyway) said that some clients who hadn’t paid their bills “were acting like typical yids”. I gave him a chance: “You’re joking, right?”. He said no and dug himself even deeper. I said “I don’t think I want to work with you anymore” and walked out.
Several years ago, a co-worker I used to look up to said “I’m not racist except for when it comes to Jews”. I was too spineless to comment.
Just the other day, a friend’s husband I’d just been introduced to, described a mutual acquaintance who is well known for his obnoxiousness as “a typical New York Jew”. The husband is also American, and asked me whether, as a non-American person, I knew what he meant. I said, looking him straight in the eye, “I also happen to be Jewish and I don’t think you can attribute his behaviour to that.” He kind of backtracked and assured me he didn’t mean it in a racist way. He and my friend both embarked on a hasty listing of all their Jew-friendly credentials. Whatever.
The point here is that depending on the moment, the person, the setting and your mood, sometimes it’s easier to confront it than others.
If you don’t want to admit anything too personal to them, could you jsut say you know/are realted to a transgendered, and those jokes bother you? Or di you think they might catch on to that, which you might not want?
Ok, I suppose I misinterpreted the OP since I was not aware that t-word was an offensive word in of itself. Just like the n-word, it’s the word that’s offensive, not the jokes.
OK, but why does it become a joke if they say they picked up some trannies? They could have just as easily picked up a couple of protestants, or a couple of banjo players. I have a good sense of humor but I just don’t get it.
'Cause “tranny” is shorthand for hooker. Because, after all, what else could a tranny be but a hooker? Plus, we’re all hilarious-looking freaks, so having one in your car would be funny.
I just don’t want to get a rep as the thin-skinned freak. We’re a very diverse office (white, black, Asian, Hispanic, straight, gay), and I guess they figured “tranny” was the one safe group to rag on . . . Then they went and hired one, the poor boobs . . .
I have a very Russian-sounding last name, bestowed on my dad’s family @ Ellis Island and was called a commie by my classmates through high school. This was a bad thing to be back in the 70’s and 80’s. I couldn’t defend myself against it b/c I didn’t know how and it stuck. We didn’t know what commies really were, just that they were evil and hated America. I guess I was hurt more than I was offended by being beat up and called commie. I expect the only tension released was the bully’s.
There’s one guy at work who used to tell a lot of Polish jokes. My boss is Polish (his folks were born in Poland.) So it was a similar situation.
At first I ignored it, figuring it wasn’t my business and figuring that my boss could take care of himself.
But after a while it started to really piss me off. Since I am in management I decided that it *was *my business, even if the man did not report to me.
I had a quiet word with the director and after a while it seemed to sort itself out. I’m not sure what was said or done, just that the jokes ended. If he had reported to me, it would have been a not-so-quiet word with him directly.
I am a back-woods town in PA and have never heard a tranny joke. I am sorry that you have.
