Yesterday I went to the hospital for a small bowel series, this is an x-ray of your small bowel or as I prefer to call it ‘the squishy bits inside me’.
To be able to see the squishy bits on the x-ray machine the patient, in this case me, has to drink stuff called Barium. One tiny little plastic cup of the stuff weighs more than your average tub of butter. The barium is thicker than your average McThickshake and grainy as cement. Actually barium has a whole lot of properties in common with cement - try cleaning your toilet after barium poo’s (but that is another story and very TMI).
Suggestion for those who may have to drink icky substances - don’t look at the vomit bags whilst doing so, it may lead to unpleasant repercussions.
Anyways once the barium was swallowed I had to lie around on my left side for a couple of hours waiting for it to get the right places inside me. I wisely used this time to catch up on lost sleep - there being no screaming bubbaleechie there to keep me awake.
Then the fun started a doctor came in and poked and prodded my stomach and made me turn into all sorts of funny positions to get a good look at my squishy inside bits. And I can officially say after having had a good look at the x-ray video:
I have a lava lamp inside me!
The doctor said it was my intestines but I know a lava lamp when I see one. I am only sad that I cannot carry around perpetually running footage of the lava lamp inside me to share with the rest of the world.
