My mother fortunately still remembers her children, and the few older relatives still alive. But she doesn’t know her grandchildren, who she used to dote on. She’s forgetting people backward from how long she has known them. As the oldest child, I’ll probably be the last one to go from her memory. We joke about each getting t-shirts saying, “Hello, I’m your son ______.”
And she doesn’t know who’s still alive.
Her: Where’s Dad (meaning my father)?
Me: I’m sorry, but he died 24 years ago.
Her: What about Grandma?
Me: I’m sorry, but she died 22 years ago.
Her: What about my sister?
Me: I’m afraid she passed away 19 years ago.
Her: Oh, you’re always so negative!
When that discussion first happened with my mom, it didn’t go so well. I blame myself for not anticipating that she’d forget that most of her family was gone and having a more comforting answer ready.
But she has adopted a tiny 90-something-year-old lady who’s in the home with her. Mom thinks the lady is a little boy, and Mom sings to her.
Your conversation had a better outcome than the one my cousin had with my aunt. My aunt kept asking my cousin to take her home to the farm (grandparents had a farm). My cousin kept telling her different things like, “we’ll go later”, “they’re not home”, “we can go tomorrow”.
Finally out of exasperation my cousin said, “Mom, your parents died 20 years ago”
My aunt who was probably in a reference state of being 8 years old again totally broke down and it took my cousin hours to get her back to a calm state.
She continued yelling because she was lonesome. My buddy Nurse A-Rod sat with her a while and she calmed down. How they could leave a person in that state all night is beyond me. :mad:
He’s a good kid and just converted his shock of turquoise hair to the color of a mink. I’m trying to aim him toward a daughter. His absolutely gorgeous sister quit working here, we assume because she found a receptionist job, as was her plan. She was emptying garbage cans.
I’m also aiming same daughter to my wound guy, who has seemed to express an interest. I’m putting my time to good use.
I get it, dropzone, and I understand the anger you had in your OP. I don’t think any of the saints here would react much differently in the same situation.
I WAS in that situation. When I was hospitalized briefly last year, I had a 90±year-old roommate (ten feet away on the other side of the curtain). She yelled, “Help me! Help me! Help me!” all fucking night. I was so tired and frustrated and it certainly didn’t help me get out of there. She was moved to a private room the next morning after I’d spent a lot of the night in the hotel lobby which was thankfully right by my wing. IV pole, NG tube and all. Thank goodness I was mobile or they would’ve had to sedate ME. It was a nightmare. Then the doctor came in at 11:00 am and wanted to know why I was “still” sleeping.
I’m sorry about your mom, Colibri, and for anyone in this situation or dealing with it. We take shitty care of our elderly people, and certainly, we need to make a lot of changes. But we need to look out for the other sick people, too. dropzone didn’t react inappropriately and certainly didn’t owe a wholesale apology to anyone.
yeah i get po’ed ness of the situation … when my gallblader decide to disolve on its own and they took it out and te over night stay ended up being almost 2 weeks because i couldnt stop barfing up the anti invection meds
i was up at !:30 am trying to keep down the iv drip and was given the last shot of the night … i hadnt eaten solid food in a week hadnt really slept in a couple of days and my dad back east decided to tell the er that i didnt need narcotics … oh and my ever present disability was letting me know it was still there …
So I call a nurse and yell her i need to sleep… she cany give me anything … she calls the night shift doc … he sees the note … and i vehemently discuss oignoring dear old dad so he manages to find a social worker and we have more discussion and she brings a stack of pages for me to sign … i sign them and and gwt a shot of i dont know what but im happily dozing off …
Then this poor mentally disabled hispanic kid whos about 19 with the mental age of 4 comes in with all kinds of tubes sticking in hes got like 5 or 6 diffrent breathing problems hes scared out of his mind screaming in spanish … la county and the parents are having a battle royale over his care social workers and officers are getting involved me and the 3 old guys in the room are praying to what ever gods we beleived in hed go to sleep or get moved in rather unkind ways … only time ive ever been high half asleep and pissed off at the same time
About 5 am he gets moved with amed pd officers escorting to a guarded room because parents lost custody …i finally fell asleep and didnt wake up til 5 pm … i apologized for anything i might have said …
So, I’ve been dealing with open sores because of lymphedema for years. A Green Bottle Fly got under a bandage and laid eggs on a sore. I didn’t notice until it got wriggly down there and then I started to feel little nips. I removed the bandage and was met with a mass of maggots. They don’t like alcohol and curled up and died but then I remembered that Green Bottles, with their beautiful iridescent green shells, are carrion flies.
Left to tell my own stories I bring out the Gak! a lot. When I get the details I’ll instead tell the tale of the half-brother I just found out about. WWII espionage, a mysterious aunt, and a POW who got to visit his aunt who fixed him up with a willing girl. He risked his life to escape, I assume so he wouldn’t have to marry her.
For her last few years (she really hung in there), five minutes would have been an eternity for my mother to remember something. And she ended up with a screamer. Probably not planned, but given Mom was near-catatonic and seemingly didn’t notice, it worked. But we’d wish, when visiting, that her roommate would be in treatment or sleeping.
I dunno, but oldest works at an international convention center and a cow-orker I know said to her, “Why is your dad here?” He was from Switzerland and was a dead ringer.
When I was in the hospital five years ago (knee surgery) for 2 days, there was someone on my hallway (the orthopedic ward) who, both mornings I was there, was howling like a damned soul for a LONG time.
Disconcerting doesn’t even start to describe it. And I couldn’t come up with anything I’ve ever had done that even approaches more than cold sweats and gritted teeth (and apparently turning very pale). Certainly not wailing like that. And I’ve broken bones, torn ligaments, and ruptured tendons in my day. I’ve had screws put in bones, and removed from bones (the latter under local anesthetic). Plenty of PT, etc…
I can totally see how that might piss someone off if it was constant and unchanging.