Let me think of a graceful way of saying this…
Hmm…my glad bags keep getting wet.
No. Okay howzabout, my nuts are trying to swim.
Wait, cue music: **Sir Mix-a-lot **
I got big balls and I want to cry,
cause I can’t keep my nuts dry.
Everytime I go to the throneroom and sit down on my ass
I get splashed…
Any idea how I can fix my toilet? 
Hmmmm…
Mebbe you can put yer balls in a sling?
Try putting the toilet seat down before you sit down.
Do yer balls hang low,
Can you swing 'em to and fro?
Can you tie ‘em in a knot?
Can you tie ‘em in a bow?
Do you get a funny feelin’
when you’re hangin’ from the ceiling?
Oh you’ll never have a dry sack if yer balls hang low
Maybe you could ge a tiny little plastic beanie for your balls?
Yeah, a ball shower cap.
I like the way you think!
Damn it Ben, you beat me to it! Mind you, didn’t one of the lines go “throw them over your shoulder like a contential soldier”? :eek:
Why am I in this thread?
Why?
Okay, here’s my last solution to your wet ball situation:
A toilet booster seat.
Well I was thinking of somehow lowering the water level but I’ll take what I can get.
A brick or a half-gallon full of water in the tank are a good way to lower the water levels, I think.
Sorry, I’m a girl, but can’t you pull the boys forward in front of your thighs before you sit, or is that too . . . constricting in cool weather?
Umm…no. I doubt that’ll work. Having a #2 often triggers a #1. (YMMV) That could get messy.
Well the problem with that is Mr. Happy who would then be pointed in the vicinity of my head.
I can just see it now “MY EYES…MY EYES”
Well, maybe I wouldn’t see it. 
I think the shower curtain would probably be in some danger too.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAH! Gods this is funny!
If your balls are getting wet I second the “booster seat”. Tucking them above your thighs is a bad idea.
What I do when I take a #2 (especially when it’s a messy #2 and at work) is put some tissue paper into the bowl first. That way it’ll pervent much of the splashing.
What about not getting constipated, eating lots of fibre, drinking water etc, so you dont splash, you just kind of have “soft serve”…?
You could make an appointment to see Lorena Bobbit. She can take care of that problem for you. Then the only glad bags you’ll need are the ones that zip lock so you don’t loose your goodies.
Hook em over the toilet seat.
Neuter yourself. Or wear diapers so you don’t need to use the toilet.
What about taping them over to one side (electrical, or maybe sticky gauze) beforehand? Of course, it sure would be a little ouchy during the tape removal.
I can’t think of everything!