I don’t even have balls, and I still think this is the best thread ever. Thanks for the larf, Stuffy.
Sorry for posting a practical solution amidst all this hilarity, but it seems to me that if you adjust the float in your toilet tank so that it shuts off sooner, the bowl will not fill up as much. Just be sure that you leave enough water in the tank to flush completely.
Serious answer, here. You can really by a booster seat. They’re mostly used by the physically disabled. My mom had one when getting over a hip surgery.
You can solve your problem easily with a simple rubber band. Twist it 8-9 times over your scrotum until it’s nice and tight. After a week the offending appendage will simply fall off and you won’t have to worry about it getting splashed anymore.
You could synchronize your bodily functions with the tides.
You could switch to a litter box. Course, who the heck wants to turn around to a log and two nut trails in some grit?
Talk about a cure that’s worse than the disease…
Just get creative and build a spash guard into the seat. Better yet, make it like a second seat, that flips down over the first one so that it completely covers it, and has a pair of small nut spash guards in it.
Then you can have a nice laugh with visitors as you explain why your toilet seat looks like it has nut cradles in it.
I’d recommend frequent cleaning though.
You could ScotchGuard your balls.
I know in the last year we had a thread about someone having large balls.
At any rate, I love you, lieu.
Scoop out half of a grapefruit. You’ll need some string, some hooks and a bungie cord. There will have to be a means of egress for Mr. Happy. If a grapefruit is too small, try a pumpkin.
~
&
~
See?
And Cranky… ditto.
I’m not seeing it.
And since the rest of this thread is so damn funny, I’m sure I’m missing out on the hilarity.
Anyone else humming a little AC DC?
Wait! I have an actual solution!
Before you drop off the kids, lay a few pieces of toilet paper on the surface of the water. Voila! No le splashy!
Excuse me sir, is that a collage on your scrotum?
Probably because, like me, you cannot resist the lure of a thread title which includes the magic letters, T M I.
And now, thanks to lieu, I sit here at work with mascara running down my face, and braying laughter.
Thanks. I didn’t need this job anyway. 
[sub] That is seriously one of the top three funniest things I have ever read on these boards…[/sub]
Gundy is right! It works also not to make noise in the workplace bathroom 
This is too funny!
What about switching exclusively to Upper Deckers?
/hijack
AC/DC sang the big balls song??? Wow…you do learn something new everyday.
You guys are a stitch! On a more serious note. I tried adjusting the float; it didn’t work, so then I tried putting more slack in the flapper. I f$%king broke it, the thing that holds it I mean. Well off to the hardware store.