From this thread http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=5285978#poststop
I am on record on these boards as being ‘indifferent’ to the issue. Separated from the emotional concerns of the gay individual, I was. I chose to turn my head and ignore the complex social, personal, emotional, and legal challenges that were inflicted upon the gay community by the majority of us here in this country. I think a lot of that is due because I personally haven’t been exposed to people that were activists and who demonstrated to me what great pains are involved in becoming accepted by society. Until I came here. And read that post. Of course there are probably hundreds of similar posts on these boards and much of them I never saw or saw but didn’t ‘see’. Or read but didn’t ‘read’. You get the point.
I felt myself bending lately but needed that extra bit of properly placed pressure to come around and Otto’s post above was it.
I think lots of what I read on this issue on these boards is tainted because you have too much emotion in many of the threads to take what individuals say (pro or con) seriously. I try to filter the highs and lows to come to a common ground in a discussion and I always ended back where I started. Indifferent.
After filtering through that eight page monster of a thread (much great discussion and passion on both sides by the way) to find Otto’s post that I read a few days ago I realized just how personal this issue is to you and how much pain you guys must feel everyday. I can’t imagine being treated in such a manner by someone or some people. Especially people on these boards. I truly took for granted the rights I have as a straight member of this society.
For the first time I can actually begin to feel some inkling of an emotion that is starting to grow inside of me and I am beginning to feel compassion for your cause.
I would like to take this time to apologise to my fellow gay dopers and the general community for being hard headed and too set in my ways to see clearly.
I may not be all-understanding from the get-go, but consider me on the other side of the issue now. If you see me stray, guide me back to reality, please. Gently.
Thankyou Otto for extending your patience as long as you have and for not giving up. Maybe by my admission others will pause to consider what really matters in this world and how others are affected or have been affected by their actions or lack thereof.
Now if I can just get past the States Rights Issue, which goes against my conservative beliefs.
That is all I can say right now.
There is always a danger when you want to complement someone on changing their mind as coming off as being somehow condescending. I don’t want to do that.
What I will say is that any time that I see someone who is willing to consider facts and arguments and then reach a conclusion different from the one that they previously held, I feel a bit of hope for us all. It is a quality that I aspire to have, and to be honest sadly lack for the most part.
If it makes you feel any better, you know you don’t have to be straight to be indifferent to the whole issue. I was, for a long time.
I like to think that that’s the biggest hold-up – it’s not that a majority of people are against it, it’s that a majority of people just don’t care. (I dunno, maybe I’m naive). When you press them on it, like with a vote, they just go with what they’ve always assumed to be correct instead of thinking about what’s really going on here. It’s encouraging to see that there are people who’ll take a while to stop and think about it, instead of just rejecting the idea outright.
I won’t go into the states rights issue, since this is MPSIMS. I’ll just say that there doesn’t have to be that kind of conflict. It really shouldn’t be that big a deal at all.
SolGrundy another gay doper checking in to say that I felt the same way for a long time. I just didn’t care one way or another. I think for me it was finally realizing the number of gay couples who have been together for a long time and are wholly committed to each other. Why shouldn’t they have the same legal rights as straight couples? Damn! That’s all they want. I still say, I don’t care what anybody calls it (i.e. call it Shirley if you want) just give those couples the same consideration any loving, caring, committed couple, gay or straight, deserves.
Uncommon Sense good for you for your willingness to look at and try to understand the viewpoint of others. That’s just the thing this message board is all about.
It’s possible to be both pro-gay marriage and pro-states’ rights.
SCOTUS didn’t find for miscegenation (or Virginia) in 1967. It isn’t always about what the state wants, as opinions from that case as it appeared before the Virginia SC so clearly show.
E.M. Forster said, “If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to betray my country.” Bending a vague principle like “Conservatism” isn’t in the same league as treason.
This is always so gratifying to hear. We pretty much have to be activists if we want to survive in this culture; you made a choice to be on our side, and I appreciate it a great deal.
I’ve never been indifferent to the gay marriage issue, probably because ever since I was old enough to think anything about it all, I had a gay sister in a long-term relationship with her partner. I remember explaining to my oldest daughter that it would be polite to address my sister’s partner as “aunt” because if it was legal for them to marry, they would have. My daughter said it was just silly that they weren’t allowed to get married, and I agreed. This was all ten years ago, before the issue was really in the light. My sister and her partner have been together for over 20 years, have a house in the suburbs, and even grandchildren (two, with one on the way). What they don’t have is a piece of paper that says they’re entitled to the same rights that my husband and I are.
Society’s respect of a gay marriage, that’s going to take longer, I think. Even after it’s legal (and I personally believe that sooner or later it will be, no matter what), there are some who will still hate gays and holler about the sanctity of marriage belonging to a man and a woman. I mean, hell, there are still people who think that a black person and a white person shouldn’t get married. Anyway, I can’t do anything about the bigots, but I will support the right for gays to marry.
Thank you so much, Uncommon Sense, for your post. It’s a perfect example of why we’re all here. Maybe some day, your Uncommon Sense will become Common Sense.
