meara: LOL… I’ll see what I can do.
† Jon †
Phillipians 4:13
Meara-
Being as how the vendor is omnipresent, you can talk to Him anytime you want. I do it all the time.
The trouble with Sir Launcelot is by the time he comes riding up, you’ve already married King Arthur.
Hello, friend,
This is GOD, president and CEO of the universe. Recent studies have shown that we are losing
market share to our rivals from the Microsoft corp., and in order to boost our share, I am willing
to make an unprecedented offer. If you forward this e-mail to everyone you know, I will promise
you everlasting salvation. That’s right, a free ticket into heaven just for forwarding this e-mail.
We have freed a portion of memory from the computers that run the universe to install
GOD-TRAC TM, an e-mail tracking program recently designed by St.Ignatious. Every time you
forward this e-mail, a hit will be registered by GOD-TRAC TM. When the total number of hits in
your name is the same as the number of addresses in your e-mail address book, ( remember,
people, I know how many there are,) you will receive an e-mail requesting an address so we can
send you your free “Heaven Voucher”*. When you reply, it will be shipped via UPS ground
within 2 business days. This is a legitimate offer. Here’s what others had to say:
" I forwarded the salvation e-mail to all my friends, and received my heaven voucher within a
week. One of my friends deleted it, and his home is now a haven for locust and frogs!"
A.G. Accountant-Baltimore, Md.
" I just got my voucher! Thank you! How else would a lawyer like me get into heaven? The
e-mail I received was literally a God-send."
R.L. Lawyer-Seattle, Wa.
So forward this E-mail right now! You have nothing to lose but your soul!
Cheers!
GOD
- Vouchers issued on a first come first served basis. Not responsible for lost or stolen vouchers.
Taxes and airfare are the responsibility of the winner. Void where prohibited by law.
Cecil said it. I believe it. That settles it.
Not responsible for stolen vouchers, eh? Heck, I’ll just steal one from somebody else. What a way to get into Heaven!
Perhaps… but when I call 1-800-Flowers, somebody actually answers the phone. Imagine how long they’d last if you just got shuffled around in voice mail till you died.
1-800 numbers? Pshaw. It’s almost the new millennium. Try Her Holy Web Site .
Livin’ on Tums, vitamin E and Rogaine
Ok… I had to use terms that my hubby would understand… so with him God isn’t a vendor… He’s a good Jewish pastrami. (LauraLee… and you think they look at you funny over at LB 
)
Hubby is Jewish… and so he asked me what’s the big deal about you having to share your faith. I told him “It’s like having a really good Kosher pastrami… you have more than enough to share with anyone who is hungry. So you offer it to everyone.” He still doesn’t believe in God (he’s culturally Jewish… religiously… hmmm… Hindu maybe? or atheist or agnostic?) but at least he has a metaphor that he understands.
Anyone hungry?
Beth
Oh my… I’m imagining Catholic mass if this analogy hit the mainstream. (Forget drinking the wine and chewing the wafer - pastrami for all!)
It’d be a way to fill pews, anyway.
Not that I like pastrami, but if you have more than enough to eat, well, that’s what refrigerators are for!
The last time I shared what I thought was a “really great deal” with everyone, it turned out the “really great deal” was a big waste of $9500 for pseudo-legal documents. Never, ever believe a scheme whose promoters tell you, “Don’t ask lawyers about this, they’re not trained to understand this area of the law!”. (See http://www.netcom.com/~rogermw/nts.html for the details of this particular scam.)
The truth, as always, is more complicated than that.
Yeah but David… Even stored in the fridge or the freezer it goes bad eventually.
Beth
So David - what’s your position on eating pastrami on GD threads? 
If David B is the God of Great Debates, then who is Cecil Adams?
>< DARWIN >
__L___L
Cecvil is the World’s Smartest Human, as well as being a National Treasure. He doesn’t have time to be a minor deity as well. Heck, he would need a better haircut than he has to qualify as a demi-god…
Dr. Fidelius, Charlatan
Associate Curator Anomalous Paleontology, Miskatonic University
“The idle mind is the Devil’s playground.” -Professor Harold Hill
Dagnabbit. I mis-typed The Name. That means they’ll make me
Come back, Doc, come back!
>< DARWIN >
__L___L