I & II Fallopians

In My Humble Opinion
1

Or… we’re thinking about having a second kid.

Right now, with a beautiful 16 month old daughter, life could not be better. She’s so healthy, fun and just seems incredibly easy to raise. She goes everywhere with us and not only has she not slowed down our lifestyle one iota, she’s probably improved it a bit. In short, we’re spoiled.

Our little one provides all the love and entertainment any parent could ask for but as my wife and I both had siblings, we’d like for her to have the same. I guess the only thing really holding us back is that I married late and will be close to retirement by the time she goes off to college. I’d love a second child but won’t always be there for him or her.

So I’m curious… anybody have advice though a similar situation?

2

Well, we’re in the same position. We’ve got a 22 month old and we’re thinking about adding another shortly. I’m 35 and figure that, if all went well I’d be about 54 when kid mark two went off to school. Woof.

Anyway, we’re not letting that slow us down. If we’re going to live then we’ll live full tilt boogie. There’s no other way to go.

3

Another way to look at it would be that if you don’t think you’ll be there for him/her, at least their sibling will be. Seriously, as long as you do what you can for them, they’ll do okay. My dad was 45 when I came along and I turned out more or less okay.

We’re having the second kid dilemma now too, but for different reasons. Kid #1 really screwed up my wife’s back, and she’s been told that trying again could do more damage. But we really want our 21-month old to have a sibling. It’s a tough call.

4

I encourage you to go for it. For the kid’s sake and for yours.

The social richness of a child’s life is dramatically enhanced by having siblings - forever. And after a few years the parental effort required is probably LESS than having just one child.

There are a few single child families in our social network, and those parents are highly dependant on other families for keeping their children entertained. That’s not necessarily such a bad thing, communal care has some great benefits. But the parents are pretty frazzled most of the time.

My two kids are 18 months apart, a boy and a girl now 11 and 10. Half of who they are is accounted for by their relationship with each other.

If you already have a young child the issue of your age becomes barely relevant, a couple more years one way or the other isn’t going to make much difference.

Dive in, the water’s fine!

5

Hows the finances?

Will you be able to have two kids in college (ivy league of course) and retire?

Don’t forget weddings!

6

Something to keep in mind is that if your daughter is currently 16 months and your wife were to get pregnant in the next month or two, Babylieu is going to be arriving right at the beginnign of Toddlerlieu’s Terrible Twos. As you’re probably aware, children start becoming more self-aware, they like to assert themselves, start doing things for themselves…and they’re very protective of their routine. They’re learning what they can control, testing the limits of their own independence and generally completely indulging themselves in utter self-centeredness. :smiley:

I’m not going to say that this can’t work, since my brother, sister and I are all two years apart (way to go, Mom! LOL), but it’s certainly a factor to take under consideration.

7

IMHO the best time to have a second child is when the first is three or four years old. By this time he/she won’t be so dependant on you, so you can spend more time and attention on the baby; also, children that age can know what’s going on in Mom’s belly and can take part in helping care for a new baby after the birth. This can cement a real bond and get rid of some of those jealousy issues.

Let us know what you and the missus decide!

8

Greetings fellow receipt refugee!

I experience being told “you haven’t changed at all” enough from people I knew 20 years ago to think about why it is - and if anything, I reckon it is because of the little kiddies in the house.

We have 7. The oldest is 21, just moved out of home to be closer to university. The youngest is 3, and I guess we will be nearly 60 by the time he goes to uni. But their lives together build the “shared experience”, doing things together, that educates them in so many ways, and keeps the parents young-at-heart [and perhaps, looking young].

My wife was a single child, and her lonely childhood should never be knowingly repeated.

9

We’re in the same boat sort of.

Our daughter is 20 months and hasn’t been terribly easy. She had trouble learning to nurse, had a major pooping problem until she was about a year old, is having some trouble adjusting to nursery, and she’s already lived on three continents in her 20 months on earth. She is our joy and pleasure in life, but she hasn’t been all that ‘easy.’

We also want to have another baby. I just don’t know if I can handle it alone, in a faraway land, without family support, if the new baby is as labor-intensive as our first.

We JUST DON’T KNOW!:confused:

10

Anahita

My dad was in the Air Force so my mom was in much the same boat as you seem to be. I am the youngest of six. Of all my siblings only two were born in the same place but those were not consecutive. Actually until dad retired she spent Christmas in a different house every year. (for about 15 years)

Of course my mom is amazing and there is no way you could ever live up to her…(oh wait you aren’t my wife! sorry)

11

Thanks all for your words and advice. I’d imagine providing her with a sibling is our most important consideration. Plus my wife is young and will be there for them for many years. Maybe I will too as laughter is the best medicine and kids just crack me up.

Toodle lieu.

ps… hello BB from Walmart receipt site!

12

The gap between my brothers is 7/10/14/18 years, respectively.

I knew when I had my family, I wanted my children to be closer in age because, frankly, I had/ have nothing in common with my siblings. So, I was in a way, an only child. If it wasn’t for my cousins who are all around my age, I would have never learned social skills. my brothers are all mensans and socially retarded, physically disabled and, yes, the triple play of fun, suffer from chronic depression.

We have two children now. #1 is nearly 4. #2 just turned two.

Both were easy pregnancies and deliveries, no really, I mean it.

I wanted to start trying again after #1 at the four or five month mark because I just loved the whole experience and I wanted our children close together in age. But we waited until the one year mark to see if anything wicked popped up with our son. Nothing did that wasn’t solveable.

The first year with both, it was hard on me because my husband worked 120 hours a week and I live in a semi-rural area with no friends (that I really want to talk too.) There are no parks, no stores, no nothing anywhere within walking distance. We do not have paved roads and riding a trike is not so easy on gravel roads.

Did I mention my neighbors are very nice but dumber than a box of rocks? Intelligent conversations around here are oxymorons. I and the counselor/rabbi/Jedi knight to everyone and it is really old. :j

My mom cannot help out because they kids overwhelm her - old mind-old body. And my in laws are a huge help with taking the kids pretty much any time I want, but they are 27 miles away and they also allow their daughter to shit all over them and take gross advantage of them with her having them basically raise her precocious perfect princess who is nearly 3. This SIL is expecting the arrival of twins any moment, so pretty much you will not see me asking for anything from the inlaws at all for…oh…twenty years.

I have shrugged off my own doctor’s, dental and ( the most important) hair appointments because of lack of babysitting support services and not wanting to drag a child into a germ filled doctor’s place ( I’m a germophobe, it’s more of a hobby, really :slight_smile: and I have no time to exercise, so the waistline is for shit right now and exercise after one was easy, with two, they mutiny against me.

Still, I would like a third child because I function better in chaotic situations. I am really pushing the envelope for the timeline for me. If we got pregnant this summer, the next child would be 3 years behind his/her siblings and that is too much of a gap for me to deal with. #1 and #2 have their moments of territorial fights
(which will get larger and louder in time) but when they play together and #1 helps his sister out without any prompting, it is truly a kodak moment. Frankly, my children - for all the little weeds that crop up in behavior, are a total joy to be around and are the blossoms in my life.

**BalmainBoy **…hmmmm…seven kids…21 to 3…lives in Oz…could he really be Mel Gibson in disguise? :smiley: